Idiot of the Day/Week/Month

http://boxofficemojo.com/reviews/?id=1815&p=.htm

Ok, BoxOfficeMojo.com is great for tracking the quiggly-jiggly-illions of dollars that movies make, but that's about it. The guy who runs it also posts his movie reviews, and to this date, I don't think I've seen one that I agree with.

Anyways, the part of this review that lowers it from "who the hell cares what you think" to "ha ha, that's so stupid, you moron" is the line: Venerable names like Vader are assigned cursory origins, more like perfunctory backpedaling than progressive plotting. When a shiny Nazi-like helmet—a lacquered icon for evil—locks on Vader's wounded head, it is an afterthought, selected by no one for no apparent reason other than that it matches his black cape.

Y'know, that's just what ROTS needed, a montage sequence of Darths Sidious and Vader going to Helmets "R" Us at the Coruscant shopping mall and trying on all sorts of different funny looking hats, until Vader, about to leave dejected and unable to find the one he wants, spies the infamous Vader mask in the back corner. This scene should be cut to Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight".

Also the scene where Darth Sidious says in his creepy, uber-deep and sinister voice, "Henceforth you shall be known as 'Darth... Vader'" should also be changed. He should try out a few other names first. Y'know, like "Darth Harpo", then "Darth Snooky-Wookums". Until he finally finds one that Anakin likes.

The reviewer also makes the claim that "there is not one memorable scene." I was going to counter this by making a list of my favorite memorable scenes, but then realized that would just be the entire movie. But anyways, Anakin bursting into flames is pretty memorable (it's seered, seered into my memory, as John Kerry might say), but my favorite scene is probably the one in the trailer where Anakin and Palpatine are at the weird concert thing, and Palpatine says "The dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be 'sploitz." To which Anakin responds, "Is it possible to use these abilities to Power Level?" Palpatine puts further division between Anakin and the Jedi by saying "The Jedi are lame. They won't let you PL." Well, the scene went something like that. I've only seen it 3 times so my memory's a bit hazy. (Hazy like the moores of Scotland? Yes, Exactly!)

Anyways, following are my fan-boy comments on that scene from the movie (huge spoilers; don't read unless you have seen the movie or want to hate yourself; highlight to read). The debate that will be raging for years to come on Star Wars message boards from this scene is who is Anakin's father really? I hold that (twist of twists) Palpatine is Anakin's father. When he starts telling the tale of Darth Plagus the Wise, Palpatine mentions that Plagus was so powerful he could influence the midichlorians to create a life, obviously hinting that Plagus may have created Anakin. As he goes on and talks about Plagus' death, he mentions that unfortunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew (implying that his apprentice may have also learned to influence midichlorians). At the end of the tale, when Palpatine is recounting that Plagus' apprentice killed him in his sleep, and it was ironic that Plagus could save the ones he cared about but not himself, it seems that Palpatine is almost reminiscing- remembering even- how he killed his former master. I guess George Lucas wanted to keep it more subtle than Palpatine saying, "Anakin, I am your father." That's been done before.

Anyways, if you haven't seen the movie GO SEE IT! Unless you're in Iraq. In that case, the best you can do is wait for your friends to buy a pirated DVD off the street and mail it to you. Or download it off Kazaa.