Area Man Thinks Fault Tree Analysis Is 'Totally Awesome' When Applied To Something As Cool As The AH-64D Apache.
MESA, AZ - According to sources close to him, area man Joe Belland gives "a full rat's ass" for fault tree analysis, when used to model the reliability of the AH-64D Apache helicopter. During a recent training session, Belland was reported to state "and as you can see, the Fussell-Vesely importance measure gives us an idea of which components of this incredibly awesome machine of death and destruction will contribute most to system failure- y'know, this is so much cooler than network availability"
Belland later stated that "using fault tree analysis to model the reliability of the Apache helicopter is almost as cool as destroying an Iraqi T-72 from one in Desert Combat."
Friday, September 30, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
It's a Cookbook!
Legolamb (one of my non-gay characters in WoW) is a Rogue. Among all the many cool things that Rogues can do, one of my favorite is pick pocket. Sneak up behind a monster while it's not looking and Yoink! the monster finds its pockets light by a few shiny objects (usually fairly worthless).
Well, on a recent Troll-hunting expidition, I came across a troll that was carrying a strange book....
No! Don't go! It's a cookbook! A cookbook!
Legolamb (one of my non-gay characters in WoW) is a Rogue. Among all the many cool things that Rogues can do, one of my favorite is pick pocket. Sneak up behind a monster while it's not looking and Yoink! the monster finds its pockets light by a few shiny objects (usually fairly worthless).
Well, on a recent Troll-hunting expidition, I came across a troll that was carrying a strange book....
No! Don't go! It's a cookbook! A cookbook!
Bio-terrorism, WoW Style.
BBC NEWS | Technology | Deadly plague hits Warcraft world
I see a 24 tie-in. Special Agent Jack Bauer of Stormwind SI:7 is tasked with finding out who is planning on bringing the deadly threat to Elwynn Forest and stopping him. He bends all the rules and operates outside the law as he hunts down this sadistic killer. Meanwhile, King Palmer of Stormwind faces a moral dilemma of protecting the majority of Stormwind's citizens but being forced to let those in Old Town die. A dramatic twist occurs after each hour of game play, and you won't believe who is responsible for the plague. Special guest appearance by Sarah Clarke as Nina Myers, operative for the Scarlet Crusade.
BBC NEWS | Technology | Deadly plague hits Warcraft world
I see a 24 tie-in. Special Agent Jack Bauer of Stormwind SI:7 is tasked with finding out who is planning on bringing the deadly threat to Elwynn Forest and stopping him. He bends all the rules and operates outside the law as he hunts down this sadistic killer. Meanwhile, King Palmer of Stormwind faces a moral dilemma of protecting the majority of Stormwind's citizens but being forced to let those in Old Town die. A dramatic twist occurs after each hour of game play, and you won't believe who is responsible for the plague. Special guest appearance by Sarah Clarke as Nina Myers, operative for the Scarlet Crusade.
Friday, September 23, 2005
Your Bi-Yearly Dose of Science.
13 Things that do not make sense
I found this article a while ago and thought it was interesting. I think that you can explain all those problems by introducing the Flying Spaghetti Monster into the equation.
13 Things that do not make sense
I found this article a while ago and thought it was interesting. I think that you can explain all those problems by introducing the Flying Spaghetti Monster into the equation.
Long Beach is So Exciting, Part II.
NBC 4 - News - Hostage Situation At Long Beach Strip Mall Ends With Surrender
According to Google maps, this happened 1.3 miles from our apartment.
Whenever some one tells us "Oh, you don't want to move to [area x]. That place is so dangerous!" my response is always, "and this is different from where we live... how?"
NBC 4 - News - Hostage Situation At Long Beach Strip Mall Ends With Surrender
According to Google maps, this happened 1.3 miles from our apartment.
Whenever some one tells us "Oh, you don't want to move to [area x]. That place is so dangerous!" my response is always, "and this is different from where we live... how?"
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Idiots of the Day/Week/Month
Originally I wasn't even going to bother with this, figuring it wasn't worth my time, but then I realized that it is my sworn duty to point out idiocy in all its forms, no matter how, well, idiotic.
SOS: Students for an Orwellian Society
Yes, as we speak, the US is becoming more and more like the fascist society about which Orwell wrote in 1984. And the most damning evidence of this totalitarianism is that The Junior Anti-Sex League is offering grants to organizations which support its work. Oh no! Government money is available to those trying to promote chastity! Theocracy! Theocracy!
Another damning point that was linked to from that SOS page:
FreeToTravel.org - British Airways Ejection
This guy gets a special Idiot of the Year/Decade/Century award. If you board a plane and label yourself as a terrorist, you deserve whatever you get.
What I gather from that article is that the guy doesn't think there should be any security screening process whatsoever in airports, as doing such means that the government is assuming you're a terrorist. I asked my cow-orker how long she thought it would take for a terrorist act to be committed if the metal detectors and x-ray machines were removed from airports. "About and hour" was her estimate.
Oh, and an honorary Idiot mention goes to Brian Briggs of BBspot for linking to Students for an Orwellian Society.
Originally I wasn't even going to bother with this, figuring it wasn't worth my time, but then I realized that it is my sworn duty to point out idiocy in all its forms, no matter how, well, idiotic.
SOS: Students for an Orwellian Society
Yes, as we speak, the US is becoming more and more like the fascist society about which Orwell wrote in 1984. And the most damning evidence of this totalitarianism is that The Junior Anti-Sex League is offering grants to organizations which support its work. Oh no! Government money is available to those trying to promote chastity! Theocracy! Theocracy!
Another damning point that was linked to from that SOS page:
FreeToTravel.org - British Airways Ejection
This guy gets a special Idiot of the Year/Decade/Century award. If you board a plane and label yourself as a terrorist, you deserve whatever you get.
What I gather from that article is that the guy doesn't think there should be any security screening process whatsoever in airports, as doing such means that the government is assuming you're a terrorist. I asked my cow-orker how long she thought it would take for a terrorist act to be committed if the metal detectors and x-ray machines were removed from airports. "About and hour" was her estimate.
Oh, and an honorary Idiot mention goes to Brian Briggs of BBspot for linking to Students for an Orwellian Society.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Brains! Brains!
Use your brains to help us. Your delicious brains
Mom B sent this link to me and it is very FU-News worthy.
JIMMY AKIN.ORG: Theology Of The Living Dead
I think a good method for determining if a zombie falls into category 4 is how it is killed. If it can be killed by severing the spinal column, or by causing severe nervous system damage, then this would seem to indicate that it is being animated in the "normal" way by some soul. However, if a disembodied limb that has no connection to the nervous system can still move and attack, this might indicate that the zombie is being controlled by some telekinetic being or a drug or technology that induces muscle contractions. (Remember that one DS9 episode where the Ferengi reanimate the dead Dominion officer by placing electrodes on the muscles required to make him walk?)
This all brings up the very interesting topic: which category do the Undead race in World of Warcraft fall into? What is the proper response off the other races of Azeroth towards the undead?
I submit that the Undead fall into the first category of possessing a human soul that is re-animating them after death. This is most evident in that the Undead don't lose their memory after death. They still have full awareness of their life, and also maintain the same disposition and personality (albeit with a darker twist) as their pre-dead selves.
Of course this only applies to the Forsaken undead. The undead plague of Warcraft III is said to be mindless slaves, in which case they are probably just being reanimated by some magical force and have no free will.
That being said, it would seem that the goal to wipe out all the undead (essentially comitting genocide against them) pursued by certain other peoples of Azeroth, such as the Scarlet Crusade, would be immoral. Since each Forsaken is in command of a rational will, they can choose whether or not they want to participate in the undead's goal of killing all living races of Azeroth. To indiscrimately kill every undead, regardless of allegiance to this goal would be immoral.
Use your brains to help us. Your delicious brains
Mom B sent this link to me and it is very FU-News worthy.
JIMMY AKIN.ORG: Theology Of The Living Dead
I think a good method for determining if a zombie falls into category 4 is how it is killed. If it can be killed by severing the spinal column, or by causing severe nervous system damage, then this would seem to indicate that it is being animated in the "normal" way by some soul. However, if a disembodied limb that has no connection to the nervous system can still move and attack, this might indicate that the zombie is being controlled by some telekinetic being or a drug or technology that induces muscle contractions. (Remember that one DS9 episode where the Ferengi reanimate the dead Dominion officer by placing electrodes on the muscles required to make him walk?)
This all brings up the very interesting topic: which category do the Undead race in World of Warcraft fall into? What is the proper response off the other races of Azeroth towards the undead?
I submit that the Undead fall into the first category of possessing a human soul that is re-animating them after death. This is most evident in that the Undead don't lose their memory after death. They still have full awareness of their life, and also maintain the same disposition and personality (albeit with a darker twist) as their pre-dead selves.
Of course this only applies to the Forsaken undead. The undead plague of Warcraft III is said to be mindless slaves, in which case they are probably just being reanimated by some magical force and have no free will.
That being said, it would seem that the goal to wipe out all the undead (essentially comitting genocide against them) pursued by certain other peoples of Azeroth, such as the Scarlet Crusade, would be immoral. Since each Forsaken is in command of a rational will, they can choose whether or not they want to participate in the undead's goal of killing all living races of Azeroth. To indiscrimately kill every undead, regardless of allegiance to this goal would be immoral.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Condo Shopping.
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The Text Adventure Game.
Hello, and welcome to Condo Shopper: The Text Adventure Game. Your goal is navigate the worlds of the Southern California Condo Market and find the mythical and legendary AFFORDABLE CONDO.
World 1: Woodside Village Condominiums
Your goal for this world is to try and buy a condo. MLS indicates the Units for sale are 2501 K1, 2511 E9, 2511 G4, 2511 J14, 2521 N5, 2521 P3, and 2521 R8.
Start: You are in the parking lot. There is no parking.
-Wait for spot
You wait 5 minutes. No one leaves
-Exit lot
You drive out of the lot and onto Sunflower Ave. You see a spot on the street
-Parallel park
Your car is now parked, and the cars in front and behind are now dented.
-Exit car
Your party leaves the vehicle.
-Look
You are standing on W. Sunflower Ave., about 100 yards west from the entrance to Woodside Village Condominiums. Your party consists of you, your wife, and your mother-in-law/realtor.
-E
You are in the parking lot. 5 cars have left. There is a door at the north end with a callbox next to it
-look at door
The door is closed. There is a callbox next to it with a faded sign.
-read sign
The sign reads "for inquiries about properties, dial #93--". The rest is illegible.
-Dial callbox
What number do you want to call?
-Dial #9300
There is no answer
-Dial #9301
There is no answer
-Dial #9302
An Angry Goblin's voice is heard crackling through the call box. "Hello?"
-Ask Goblin about condo
"We don't want any" comes the Angry Goblin's reply. The callbox goes dead as the Angry Goblin hangs up.
-Dial #9302
An Angry Goblin's voice is heard crackling through the call box. "Hello?"
-Inquire with Goblin about condo
"I said we don't want any! And don't call back" comes the Angry Goblin's reply, before hanging up.
-Dial #9302
An Angry Goblin's voice is heard crackling through the call box. "Hello?"
-Sweet-talk Goblin about condo
"I warned you!" the Angry Goblin yells. A beeping is heard coming from the callbox, then in a brilliant flash of light and puff of smoke, the callbox explodes.
-Look
You are standing in front of a door. There is a faded sign and a smoking hole in the wall where a callbox used to be.
-Open door.
The door opens. It was unlocked to begin with. Maybe you should have tried that first?
-Enter
You walk through the door. You find yourself in a large, central area with a pool, a map, and vending machines. Obvious exits are SW, W, WNW, NNW, NNE, ENE, SE, and DENNIS.
-Get map
It is bolted to the ground.
-Look at map
It looks like this:
-SE
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W.
-Look
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. You are surrounded by buildings, none of which are marked.
-N
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and S.
-E
You come to an opening. There is a pool and a flask here. Exits are NNE, ENE, ESE, SSE, SSW, WSW, WNW, and NNW.
-Get ye flask
You cannot get ye flask.
-Look
You are in an opening with a pool and a flask. You can see a label that reads "K" on one of the buildings.
-Look at building
On closer inspection, you see that this building is 2501 K. There are four doors on the west side, numbered 1, 4, 5, and 8.
-Open door 1
It is locked.
-Look at door 1
There is a lockbox on the door knob.
-Open lockbox
It is locked.
-Use mother-in-law with lockbox
Your mother-in-law/realtor opens the lockbox and produces a key.
-Use key in door 1
The door opens! You go inside to find what can only be described as a dilapidated shack. The carpeting is torn. The walls are scratched in the places they don't have holes. The showerhead and faucet in the bathroom look like they're made of rust. The kitchen is on fire. There is a brochure on the kitchen table.
-Get brochure
You pick it up.
-Read brochure
The Brochure advertises the condo as a "rustic 2 bedroom, 2 bath home; a handyman's dream; motivated seller." The price listed on the brochure is $329,000 before remodeling, or $359,000 after remodeling.
-Leave in disgust
You leave the condo in disgust.
-Look
You come to an opening. There is a pool and a flask here. You can see a label that reads "K" on one of the buildings. Exits are NNE, ENE, ESE, SSE, SSW, WSW, WNW, and NNW.
-SSW
You are in a maze of twisty little passages all alike. Exits are N, W, and S.
-Look
You are in a maze of twisty little passages all alike. One of the buildings has a label that reads "E". Exits are N, W, and S.
-Look at building
On closer inspection, you see that this building is 2511 E. There are four doors on the south-east side, numbered 1, 8, 9, and 16.
-Open door 9
As you approach door 9, a strange gnome opens it and looks quizzically at you.
-Ask gnome about condo
The gnome stairs at you quizzically.
-Ask gnome about entering
The gnome stairs at you quizzically.
-Ask gnome habla ingles
The gnome shakes it head.
-Use mother-in-law with gnome
Your mother-in-law/realtor begins jabbering away with the gnome in Spanish. After a long conversation, your mother-in-law/realtor informs you that you may enter.
-Enter
You walk inside to find a nicely kept, clean 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo. It isn't terribly big and the kitchen space is small; probably not even large enough to hold your medium size refrigerator. There is a bowl here.
-Get bowl
You got a bowl! Good for you!
-Offer gnome $300,000
The gnome laughs at you. "This condo is worth $379,000!" says the gnome. The gnome falls over, laughing.
-Leave in even more disgust
You leave the condo, in more disgust than last time. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Look
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E and W. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-W
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-N
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and S. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-N
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-W
You come to the large, central area. There is a pool, a map, and vending machines here. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use vending machine
The display on the vending machine shows a message: "Insert one dollar". Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine
You do not have a dollar bill. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Inv
You have a five dollar bill, a Swiss army knife, a finger nail clipper, chapstick, keys, a towel, a brochure, and a bowl.
-Use five dollar bill in vending machine
The machine doesn't want that!
-Ask wife for dollar bill
Your wife doesn't have a dollar bill. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Ask mother-in-law for dollar bill
Your mother-in-law/realtor gives you a stack of dollar bills. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Use dollar bill in vending machine
The dollar bill goes half way in the machine, then is spit back out. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Look at dollar bill
You are holding a dollar bill. It is green with a picture of George Washington. One of the corners is folded. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Flatten bill
Bill is in New York with his wife Hillary. You cannot flatten him.
-Flatten dollar bill
I don't understand. Type "help" for a list of commands.
-Straighten dollar bill
I don't understand. Type "help" for a list of commands.
-Unfold corner of dollar bill
With careful precision, you unfold the offending corner of the dollar bill. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine
The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push Pepsi button
There is no button with that label.
-Look at vending machine
It is a standard vending machine. It has a big picture of a Coca-Cola on the front, with buttons for Coke, Diet Coke, Sierra Mist, and Water. A display indicates that the machine wants you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Push water button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands in an open drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get water bottle
You can't reach it. It's at the bottom of an open drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Curse and swear
I don't understand. Type "help" for a list of commands.
-Use dollar bill in vending machine
You take another dollar bill from the unlimited stack your mother-in-law/realtor gave you and put it into the vending machine. The machine asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands in an open drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Look at drain
There is an open drain in the floor, right in front of the vending machine. You can see two water bottles at the bottom, just out of reach. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Inv
You have a five dollar bill, a Swiss army knife, a finger nail clipper, chapstick, keys, a towel, a brochure, a bowl, and an unlimited supply of dollar bills.
-Use towel with drain
You place your towel over the drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine.
The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Before you can pick it up, a Mexican janitor runs in, sweeps it up, and throws it in the trash. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get water bottle out of trash
You want to give your wife water from the trash? Man you must really not love her.
-Use dollar bill in vending machine.
The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Before you can pick it up, a Mexican janitor runs in, sweeps it up, and throws it in the trash. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Stab janitor with Swiss army knife
You brutally murder the janitor. Weren't expecting that one to work were you? Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine.
The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get water bottle
You pick up the water bottle. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Give water bottle to wife
"I don't want water. I want Sierra mist."
-Bean wife with water bottle.
Look buddy, you're already having enough marital problems, and you just killed a Mexican janitor. You probably don't want to go there.
-*sigh* Use dollar bill in vending machine.
The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Push Sierra Mist button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a Sierra Mist can comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get Sierra Mist can
You pick up the Sierra Mist can. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Give Sierra Mist can to wife
"I can't open it. Could you open it for me?"
-Open Sierra Mist can
As you pull the ring on the Sierra Mist can, a spray of soda pop flies out of the can and hits you in the face. You are wet and have half a can of soda.
-Give Sierra Mist can to wife
"No thanks. I don't have the hiccups any more."
-Re-evaluate marriage
You're still happier and better off with her.
-You sure?
Text Adventures don't lie.
-Look
You are in a large, central area with a pool, a map, and vending machines. Obvious exits are SW, W, WNW, NNW, NNE, ENE, SE, and DENNIS.
-NNE
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S.
-Look
You are in a maze of twisty little passages all alike. One of the buildings has a label that reads "N". Exits are E, W, and S.
-Open door 5
You approach door 5. As you open the door, an Angry Troll yells at you from within. "We don't want any! Go away!"
-Ask troll about condo
"This condo is NOT for sale! Go away!" replies the Angry Troll.
-Show troll MLS listing
"That's building 2521 N. This is building 2511 N. Go away!" Replies the Angry Troll.
-Ask troll for directions
"Go Away!" replies the Angry Troll.
-Inv
You have a five dollar bill, a Swiss army knife, a finger nail clipper, chapstick, keys, a brochure, a bowl, an unlimited supply of dollar bills, and a half-empty can of Sierra Mist. (Not half-full. It's one of those days.)
-Give Sierra Mist can to troll.
The Angry Troll snatches the can from your hands. "Now listen closely. To get to building 2521 N, you need to go W, W, W, S, W, S, W. Now go away!" The Angry Troll slams the door in your face.
-W
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W.
-W
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W.
-W
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S.
-S
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, W, and S.
-W
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S.
-S
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, W, and S.
-W
You come to an opening. There is a pool here. Exits are NNE, ENE, ESE, SSE, SSW, WSW, WNW, and NNW.
-Look
You are in an opening with a pool. None of the buildings have any labels.
-Look at door
You see a group of doors, labeled 1, 4, 5, and 8
-Look at door 5
There is a lockbox on the handle
-Use mother-in-law with lockbox
Your mother-in-law/realtor opens the lockbox and produces a key.
-Use key with door
The door opens.
-Enter
You enter the condo. There is an Angry Hobgoblin here!
-Ask hobgoblin about condo
The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 10 points of damage!
-Attack hobgoblin
Your Swiss army knife shatter on the Angry Hobgoblin's Mithril armor. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 12 points of damage!
-Look
You are in a condo with an Angry Hobgoblin. There is a stick on the floor. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 9 points of damage!
-Get stick
You pick it up. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and crits you for 20 points of damage!
-Attack hobgoblin with stick
No effect. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 10 points of damage! You have been killed. As you die, you realize that you probably shouldn't have left your towel at the vending machines. You may have been able to throw the towel in the Angry Hobgoblin's eyes to blind it.
You have lost. You examined 2 of 13,480 condos. You scored 34 out of a possible 1,048,561 possible points. Better luck next time.
---GAME OVER---
Inspirations:
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Adventure Game
Homestarrunner.com
Woodside Village Condominiums
Simpsons
IKEA Walkthrough
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The Text Adventure Game.
Hello, and welcome to Condo Shopper: The Text Adventure Game. Your goal is navigate the worlds of the Southern California Condo Market and find the mythical and legendary AFFORDABLE CONDO.
World 1: Woodside Village Condominiums
Your goal for this world is to try and buy a condo. MLS indicates the Units for sale are 2501 K1, 2511 E9, 2511 G4, 2511 J14, 2521 N5, 2521 P3, and 2521 R8.
Start: You are in the parking lot. There is no parking.
-Wait for spot
You wait 5 minutes. No one leaves
-Exit lot
You drive out of the lot and onto Sunflower Ave. You see a spot on the street
-Parallel park
Your car is now parked, and the cars in front and behind are now dented.
-Exit car
Your party leaves the vehicle.
-Look
You are standing on W. Sunflower Ave., about 100 yards west from the entrance to Woodside Village Condominiums. Your party consists of you, your wife, and your mother-in-law/realtor.
-E
You are in the parking lot. 5 cars have left. There is a door at the north end with a callbox next to it
-look at door
The door is closed. There is a callbox next to it with a faded sign.
-read sign
The sign reads "for inquiries about properties, dial #93--". The rest is illegible.
-Dial callbox
What number do you want to call?
-Dial #9300
There is no answer
-Dial #9301
There is no answer
-Dial #9302
An Angry Goblin's voice is heard crackling through the call box. "Hello?"
-Ask Goblin about condo
"We don't want any" comes the Angry Goblin's reply. The callbox goes dead as the Angry Goblin hangs up.
-Dial #9302
An Angry Goblin's voice is heard crackling through the call box. "Hello?"
-Inquire with Goblin about condo
"I said we don't want any! And don't call back" comes the Angry Goblin's reply, before hanging up.
-Dial #9302
An Angry Goblin's voice is heard crackling through the call box. "Hello?"
-Sweet-talk Goblin about condo
"I warned you!" the Angry Goblin yells. A beeping is heard coming from the callbox, then in a brilliant flash of light and puff of smoke, the callbox explodes.
-Look
You are standing in front of a door. There is a faded sign and a smoking hole in the wall where a callbox used to be.
-Open door.
The door opens. It was unlocked to begin with. Maybe you should have tried that first?
-Enter
You walk through the door. You find yourself in a large, central area with a pool, a map, and vending machines. Obvious exits are SW, W, WNW, NNW, NNE, ENE, SE, and DENNIS.
-Get map
It is bolted to the ground.
-Look at map
It looks like this:
-SE
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W.
-Look
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. You are surrounded by buildings, none of which are marked.
-N
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and S.
-E
You come to an opening. There is a pool and a flask here. Exits are NNE, ENE, ESE, SSE, SSW, WSW, WNW, and NNW.
-Get ye flask
You cannot get ye flask.
-Look
You are in an opening with a pool and a flask. You can see a label that reads "K" on one of the buildings.
-Look at building
On closer inspection, you see that this building is 2501 K. There are four doors on the west side, numbered 1, 4, 5, and 8.
-Open door 1
It is locked.
-Look at door 1
There is a lockbox on the door knob.
-Open lockbox
It is locked.
-Use mother-in-law with lockbox
Your mother-in-law/realtor opens the lockbox and produces a key.
-Use key in door 1
The door opens! You go inside to find what can only be described as a dilapidated shack. The carpeting is torn. The walls are scratched in the places they don't have holes. The showerhead and faucet in the bathroom look like they're made of rust. The kitchen is on fire. There is a brochure on the kitchen table.
-Get brochure
You pick it up.
-Read brochure
The Brochure advertises the condo as a "rustic 2 bedroom, 2 bath home; a handyman's dream; motivated seller." The price listed on the brochure is $329,000 before remodeling, or $359,000 after remodeling.
-Leave in disgust
You leave the condo in disgust.
-Look
You come to an opening. There is a pool and a flask here. You can see a label that reads "K" on one of the buildings. Exits are NNE, ENE, ESE, SSE, SSW, WSW, WNW, and NNW.
-SSW
You are in a maze of twisty little passages all alike. Exits are N, W, and S.
-Look
You are in a maze of twisty little passages all alike. One of the buildings has a label that reads "E". Exits are N, W, and S.
-Look at building
On closer inspection, you see that this building is 2511 E. There are four doors on the south-east side, numbered 1, 8, 9, and 16.
-Open door 9
As you approach door 9, a strange gnome opens it and looks quizzically at you.
-Ask gnome about condo
The gnome stairs at you quizzically.
-Ask gnome about entering
The gnome stairs at you quizzically.
-Ask gnome habla ingles
The gnome shakes it head.
-Use mother-in-law with gnome
Your mother-in-law/realtor begins jabbering away with the gnome in Spanish. After a long conversation, your mother-in-law/realtor informs you that you may enter.
-Enter
You walk inside to find a nicely kept, clean 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom condo. It isn't terribly big and the kitchen space is small; probably not even large enough to hold your medium size refrigerator. There is a bowl here.
-Get bowl
You got a bowl! Good for you!
-Offer gnome $300,000
The gnome laughs at you. "This condo is worth $379,000!" says the gnome. The gnome falls over, laughing.
-Leave in even more disgust
You leave the condo, in more disgust than last time. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Look
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E and W. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-W
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-N
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and S. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-N
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-W
You come to the large, central area. There is a pool, a map, and vending machines here. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use vending machine
The display on the vending machine shows a message: "Insert one dollar". Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine
You do not have a dollar bill. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Inv
You have a five dollar bill, a Swiss army knife, a finger nail clipper, chapstick, keys, a towel, a brochure, and a bowl.
-Use five dollar bill in vending machine
The machine doesn't want that!
-Ask wife for dollar bill
Your wife doesn't have a dollar bill. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Ask mother-in-law for dollar bill
Your mother-in-law/realtor gives you a stack of dollar bills. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Use dollar bill in vending machine
The dollar bill goes half way in the machine, then is spit back out. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Look at dollar bill
You are holding a dollar bill. It is green with a picture of George Washington. One of the corners is folded. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Flatten bill
Bill is in New York with his wife Hillary. You cannot flatten him.
-Flatten dollar bill
I don't understand. Type "help" for a list of commands.
-Straighten dollar bill
I don't understand. Type "help" for a list of commands.
-Unfold corner of dollar bill
With careful precision, you unfold the offending corner of the dollar bill. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine
The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push Pepsi button
There is no button with that label.
-Look at vending machine
It is a standard vending machine. It has a big picture of a Coca-Cola on the front, with buttons for Coke, Diet Coke, Sierra Mist, and Water. A display indicates that the machine wants you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Push water button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands in an open drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get water bottle
You can't reach it. It's at the bottom of an open drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Curse and swear
I don't understand. Type "help" for a list of commands.
-Use dollar bill in vending machine
You take another dollar bill from the unlimited stack your mother-in-law/realtor gave you and put it into the vending machine. The machine asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands in an open drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Look at drain
There is an open drain in the floor, right in front of the vending machine. You can see two water bottles at the bottom, just out of reach. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Inv
You have a five dollar bill, a Swiss army knife, a finger nail clipper, chapstick, keys, a towel, a brochure, a bowl, and an unlimited supply of dollar bills.
-Use towel with drain
You place your towel over the drain. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine.
The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Before you can pick it up, a Mexican janitor runs in, sweeps it up, and throws it in the trash. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get water bottle out of trash
You want to give your wife water from the trash? Man you must really not love her.
-Use dollar bill in vending machine.
The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Before you can pick it up, a Mexican janitor runs in, sweeps it up, and throws it in the trash. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Stab janitor with Swiss army knife
You brutally murder the janitor. Weren't expecting that one to work were you? Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Use dollar bill in vending machine.
The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Push water button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a water bottle comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get water bottle
You pick up the water bottle. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Give water bottle to wife
"I don't want water. I want Sierra mist."
-Bean wife with water bottle.
Look buddy, you're already having enough marital problems, and you just killed a Mexican janitor. You probably don't want to go there.
-*sigh* Use dollar bill in vending machine.
The machine accepts the dollar bill and asks you to make a selection. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups! Maybe you should get her something to drink.
-Push Sierra Mist button
A sound not unlike a trash compactor is heard coming from the vending machine. After a few moments, a loud "clunk" is heard, a Sierra Mist can comes falling down the chute, hits the slope at the end, flies out of the machine and lands on the ground. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Get Sierra Mist can
You pick up the Sierra Mist can. Hic! Your wife has the hiccups!
-Give Sierra Mist can to wife
"I can't open it. Could you open it for me?"
-Open Sierra Mist can
As you pull the ring on the Sierra Mist can, a spray of soda pop flies out of the can and hits you in the face. You are wet and have half a can of soda.
-Give Sierra Mist can to wife
"No thanks. I don't have the hiccups any more."
-Re-evaluate marriage
You're still happier and better off with her.
-You sure?
Text Adventures don't lie.
-Look
You are in a large, central area with a pool, a map, and vending machines. Obvious exits are SW, W, WNW, NNW, NNE, ENE, SE, and DENNIS.
-NNE
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S.
-Look
You are in a maze of twisty little passages all alike. One of the buildings has a label that reads "N". Exits are E, W, and S.
-Open door 5
You approach door 5. As you open the door, an Angry Troll yells at you from within. "We don't want any! Go away!"
-Ask troll about condo
"This condo is NOT for sale! Go away!" replies the Angry Troll.
-Show troll MLS listing
"That's building 2521 N. This is building 2511 N. Go away!" Replies the Angry Troll.
-Ask troll for directions
"Go Away!" replies the Angry Troll.
-Inv
You have a five dollar bill, a Swiss army knife, a finger nail clipper, chapstick, keys, a brochure, a bowl, an unlimited supply of dollar bills, and a half-empty can of Sierra Mist. (Not half-full. It's one of those days.)
-Give Sierra Mist can to troll.
The Angry Troll snatches the can from your hands. "Now listen closely. To get to building 2521 N, you need to go W, W, W, S, W, S, W. Now go away!" The Angry Troll slams the door in your face.
-W
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W.
-W
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, and W.
-W
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S.
-S
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, W, and S.
-W
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are E, W, and S.
-S
You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. Exits are N, E, W, and S.
-W
You come to an opening. There is a pool here. Exits are NNE, ENE, ESE, SSE, SSW, WSW, WNW, and NNW.
-Look
You are in an opening with a pool. None of the buildings have any labels.
-Look at door
You see a group of doors, labeled 1, 4, 5, and 8
-Look at door 5
There is a lockbox on the handle
-Use mother-in-law with lockbox
Your mother-in-law/realtor opens the lockbox and produces a key.
-Use key with door
The door opens.
-Enter
You enter the condo. There is an Angry Hobgoblin here!
-Ask hobgoblin about condo
The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 10 points of damage!
-Attack hobgoblin
Your Swiss army knife shatter on the Angry Hobgoblin's Mithril armor. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 12 points of damage!
-Look
You are in a condo with an Angry Hobgoblin. There is a stick on the floor. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 9 points of damage!
-Get stick
You pick it up. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and crits you for 20 points of damage!
-Attack hobgoblin with stick
No effect. The Angry Hobgoblin attacks you and hits you for 10 points of damage! You have been killed. As you die, you realize that you probably shouldn't have left your towel at the vending machines. You may have been able to throw the towel in the Angry Hobgoblin's eyes to blind it.
You have lost. You examined 2 of 13,480 condos. You scored 34 out of a possible 1,048,561 possible points. Better luck next time.
---GAME OVER---
Inspirations:
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Adventure Game
Homestarrunner.com
Woodside Village Condominiums
Simpsons
IKEA Walkthrough
Thursday, September 8, 2005
Aftershock Of Loud, Shrill Shriek Felt In The Southland
Area woman's shrill shriek heard on August 11, 2005 makes itself known once more.
IRVINE, CA - On Wednesday, September 7, 2005, at about 9:00 am PDT, a more muted shriek was heard coming from an undisclosed building in the heart of Orange County. Anne Marie Belland, who had been missing for several weeks, found the Blizzard that had called to her as F.U.News reported on August 11, 2005. Upon identifying her whereabouts, police canceled the search.
Wednesday's shriek was more muted than the original, and was merely refered to as an aftershock by seismologist. "Luckily, this one wasn't all that bad," stated Dr. Katina Esslinger of the Caltech Seismological Laboratory. "It could have been a lot worse, but I think she finally found what she was looking for."
After many calls, emails, letters, bloodhounds, and trackers, F.U. News was able to locate Mrs. Belland. Here is our exclusive interview:
FUN: Thank you for speeking with us, Mrs. Belland. For a while there, we thought we'd lost you.
AMB: (laughs) Yeah, the reports of my disappearance were greatly exagerated.
FUN: Can you tell us more about this "Blizzard" that you heard calling you?
AMB: Sure.
FUN: Will you please?
AMB: You betcha.
FUN: Now?
AMB: Well, OK. Blizzard Entertainment® is a premier publisher of entertainment software. Since establishing the Blizzard label in 1994, the company has quickly become one of the most popular and well-respected makers of computer games. With blockbuster hits including World of Warcraft® and the Warcraft®, Diablo®, and StarCraft® series, the company has enjoyed back-to-back number-one selling games, as well as consecutive Game of the Year awards. The company's free online game service, Battle.net®, is the largest in the world with millions of active users.
FUN: Okay, so it's not a giant killer snow storm. How did you end up with such a presitigious company.
AMB: Well, it's true what they tell you: Persistance does indeed pay off. I'd been applying to Blizzard for nearly a year, even applying for jobs below my experience level. Anything to get in the door. And all those cover letters and resumes paid off. Shortly after I sent in my fourth application, I got a call for an interview, and then shortly after that, I got a call informing me that Blizzard wanted me.
FUN: So what are you doing? Advanced A.I. programming? Writing cell-shaders with DirectX 9?
AMB: (laughs) No. As it turns out, even video game developers need executive assistants.
FUN: Proving that it is possible to get into the video game industry with no programming or artistic experience! So how did you hear about Blizzard?
AMB: That one I can safely blame on my husband. He introduced me to Warcraft II back in '96, and the rest is history.
FUN: So, what's it like working for the premier video games developer. Mind enlightening us about how your first day went?
AMB: Of course! It's like no other job i've ever had. I couldn't sleep the night before, I was so excited. I was running on nothing but adrenaline the entire day! I arrived a little before 9am, which is my starting time, and waited for the HR rep to come get me and take me behind the magical doors. Once inside, they sat me down and made sure I had all my paper work in order. Then they took my picture (with a webcam, no less) for my badge, and then gave me a stack of swag.
FUN: Swag?
AMB: Yeah, swag. Booty, treasure, goodies... all free.
FUN: Like what?
AMB: Well, the Warcraft III battlechest, Starcraft battlechest, Diablo battlechest, and a free copy of World of Warcraft (not that I need it).
FUN: Oo. Can I have?
AMB: No. They also gave me some free subscription account keys for World of Warcraft, posters, and a bunch of other goodies.
FUN: Wow. Free games and goodies. You sure I can't have any?
AMB: Yes. Anyways, after the "business" side of it, they gave me the grand tour of the building. Half of the workers in the building were playing games, and it was only 9:30 in the morning! As it was, they informed me that playing games is essential to being a part of Blizzard, so long as you get your work done. They even have a cabinet filled with ALL sorts of games, ranging from PC to Xbox, for employees to play.
FUN: So... they get paid to play games. No wonder they always miss their release dates. And why am I not working there?
AMB: (laughs) Yeah, amazing they get any work done at all. And yet, they do! Because it's not work! They're having fun doing their work! It's the best type of job there could possibly be... no stress, everyone's laid back. Everyone there is either wearing jeans or shorts, t-shirts, tennies or flip-flops. It's a bunch of gamers. It's what you expect from gamers.
FUN: I'm hating my job more and more. Why don't I work there?
AMB: Haha, loser.
FUN: So... can you get me a job there?
AMB: Funny, I only started yesterday and I've already had some of my friends clamoring for me to get them jobs there. I must be their proverbial foot in the proverbial door.
FUN: So you get free stuff, you get paid to play games, any other cool things, like "nude Friday's, sponsored by Playboy?"
AMB: Wouldn't you like to know.
FUN: I hate my job. Anyways, Mrs. Belland, again, thank you for taking the time to talk with us. I wish you the best now and for the future with Blizzard!
AMB: Thank you! Hey? What's this $100 bill you had in the hand you shook my hand with?
FUN: *wink wink*
AMB: It says "For HR" on it. I don't get it.
FUN: Well then. Um, yeah. Have a good day and good luck on the new job.
Thus ended our interview with the newly hired employee at Blizzard, and after getting patted-down by Blizzard security, no doubt looking for swiped souvenirs, Blizzard let us out the door and back into the Irvine sun.
Area woman's shrill shriek heard on August 11, 2005 makes itself known once more.
IRVINE, CA - On Wednesday, September 7, 2005, at about 9:00 am PDT, a more muted shriek was heard coming from an undisclosed building in the heart of Orange County. Anne Marie Belland, who had been missing for several weeks, found the Blizzard that had called to her as F.U.News reported on August 11, 2005. Upon identifying her whereabouts, police canceled the search.
Wednesday's shriek was more muted than the original, and was merely refered to as an aftershock by seismologist. "Luckily, this one wasn't all that bad," stated Dr. Katina Esslinger of the Caltech Seismological Laboratory. "It could have been a lot worse, but I think she finally found what she was looking for."
After many calls, emails, letters, bloodhounds, and trackers, F.U. News was able to locate Mrs. Belland. Here is our exclusive interview:
FUN: Thank you for speeking with us, Mrs. Belland. For a while there, we thought we'd lost you.
AMB: (laughs) Yeah, the reports of my disappearance were greatly exagerated.
FUN: Can you tell us more about this "Blizzard" that you heard calling you?
AMB: Sure.
FUN: Will you please?
AMB: You betcha.
FUN: Now?
AMB: Well, OK. Blizzard Entertainment® is a premier publisher of entertainment software. Since establishing the Blizzard label in 1994, the company has quickly become one of the most popular and well-respected makers of computer games. With blockbuster hits including World of Warcraft® and the Warcraft®, Diablo®, and StarCraft® series, the company has enjoyed back-to-back number-one selling games, as well as consecutive Game of the Year awards. The company's free online game service, Battle.net®, is the largest in the world with millions of active users.
FUN: Okay, so it's not a giant killer snow storm. How did you end up with such a presitigious company.
AMB: Well, it's true what they tell you: Persistance does indeed pay off. I'd been applying to Blizzard for nearly a year, even applying for jobs below my experience level. Anything to get in the door. And all those cover letters and resumes paid off. Shortly after I sent in my fourth application, I got a call for an interview, and then shortly after that, I got a call informing me that Blizzard wanted me.
FUN: So what are you doing? Advanced A.I. programming? Writing cell-shaders with DirectX 9?
AMB: (laughs) No. As it turns out, even video game developers need executive assistants.
FUN: Proving that it is possible to get into the video game industry with no programming or artistic experience! So how did you hear about Blizzard?
AMB: That one I can safely blame on my husband. He introduced me to Warcraft II back in '96, and the rest is history.
FUN: So, what's it like working for the premier video games developer. Mind enlightening us about how your first day went?
AMB: Of course! It's like no other job i've ever had. I couldn't sleep the night before, I was so excited. I was running on nothing but adrenaline the entire day! I arrived a little before 9am, which is my starting time, and waited for the HR rep to come get me and take me behind the magical doors. Once inside, they sat me down and made sure I had all my paper work in order. Then they took my picture (with a webcam, no less) for my badge, and then gave me a stack of swag.
FUN: Swag?
AMB: Yeah, swag. Booty, treasure, goodies... all free.
FUN: Like what?
AMB: Well, the Warcraft III battlechest, Starcraft battlechest, Diablo battlechest, and a free copy of World of Warcraft (not that I need it).
FUN: Oo. Can I have?
AMB: No. They also gave me some free subscription account keys for World of Warcraft, posters, and a bunch of other goodies.
FUN: Wow. Free games and goodies. You sure I can't have any?
AMB: Yes. Anyways, after the "business" side of it, they gave me the grand tour of the building. Half of the workers in the building were playing games, and it was only 9:30 in the morning! As it was, they informed me that playing games is essential to being a part of Blizzard, so long as you get your work done. They even have a cabinet filled with ALL sorts of games, ranging from PC to Xbox, for employees to play.
FUN: So... they get paid to play games. No wonder they always miss their release dates. And why am I not working there?
AMB: (laughs) Yeah, amazing they get any work done at all. And yet, they do! Because it's not work! They're having fun doing their work! It's the best type of job there could possibly be... no stress, everyone's laid back. Everyone there is either wearing jeans or shorts, t-shirts, tennies or flip-flops. It's a bunch of gamers. It's what you expect from gamers.
FUN: I'm hating my job more and more. Why don't I work there?
AMB: Haha, loser.
FUN: So... can you get me a job there?
AMB: Funny, I only started yesterday and I've already had some of my friends clamoring for me to get them jobs there. I must be their proverbial foot in the proverbial door.
FUN: So you get free stuff, you get paid to play games, any other cool things, like "nude Friday's, sponsored by Playboy?"
AMB: Wouldn't you like to know.
FUN: I hate my job. Anyways, Mrs. Belland, again, thank you for taking the time to talk with us. I wish you the best now and for the future with Blizzard!
AMB: Thank you! Hey? What's this $100 bill you had in the hand you shook my hand with?
FUN: *wink wink*
AMB: It says "For HR" on it. I don't get it.
FUN: Well then. Um, yeah. Have a good day and good luck on the new job.
Thus ended our interview with the newly hired employee at Blizzard, and after getting patted-down by Blizzard security, no doubt looking for swiped souvenirs, Blizzard let us out the door and back into the Irvine sun.
Monday, September 5, 2005
Calling the cryptographer in you...
112 123 249 389 000 249 488 000 224 267 578 103 000 159 000 299 249 607
234 235 168 000 220 168 389 130 000 112 357 000 488 168 168 000 111 114
357 000 249 578 000 103 204 168 000 110 168 236 456 000 588 168 299 220
000 159 130 000 223 168 239 357 124 249 378 129 000 112 105 168 000 389
357 505 267 103 249 357 279 000 220 357 000 130 123 249 488 000 578 249
229 333 109 168 000 299 267 399 389 112 249 103 267 220 249 357 477
000 249 130 000 114 159 488 000 159 000 244 249 112 103 235 168 000 220
120 249 578 130 000 112 204 159 103 000 456 357 267 000 346 249 336 105
220 000 123 159 200 168 000 157 249 299 389 168 133 000 130 114 168 245
168 000 159 335 168 000 128 168 159 505 109 456 000 112 300 357 000 455
357 205 168 488 000 489 267 103 000 249 289 000 456 357 267 236 168 000
245 168 159 223 249 189 246 000 220 204 249 578 000 456 357 267 000 188
378 357 210
112 123 249 389 000 249 488 000 224 267 578 103 000 159 000 299 249 607
234 235 168 000 220 168 389 130 000 112 357 000 488 168 168 000 111 114
357 000 249 578 000 103 204 168 000 110 168 236 456 000 588 168 299 220
000 159 130 000 223 168 239 357 124 249 378 129 000 112 105 168 000 389
357 505 267 103 249 357 279 000 220 357 000 130 123 249 488 000 578 249
229 333 109 168 000 299 267 399 389 112 249 103 267 220 249 357 477
000 249 130 000 114 159 488 000 159 000 244 249 112 103 235 168 000 220
120 249 578 130 000 112 204 159 103 000 456 357 267 000 346 249 336 105
220 000 123 159 200 168 000 157 249 299 389 168 133 000 130 114 168 245
168 000 159 335 168 000 128 168 159 505 109 456 000 112 300 357 000 455
357 205 168 488 000 489 267 103 000 249 289 000 456 357 267 236 168 000
245 168 159 223 249 189 246 000 220 204 249 578 000 456 357 267 000 188
378 357 210
Saturday, September 3, 2005
OMGWTFBBQ They're Gay!
Over the past couple of weeks, it looks as though a couple of my WoW characters have come out of the closet and embraced "alternative lifestyles". Despite my best attempts to raise these characters in a loving and nurturing environment (well, as loving and nurturing as the lands of Azeroth can be when you have monsters of all types trying desperately to kill you), they have apparently decided that they prefer sausages to tacos.
First up, we have my main character, Gandelf. This character was originally created as a "secondary character" that I would play whenever Rie was unable to play one of our many pairs of other characters with me. Of course, this character quickly leveled past all my other characters, and currently stands tall at 51.
Being a Druid, his weapon is mainly for show. We all know Druids can't do any real melee damage. Be that as it may, I always try to have a good weapon to fall back on for those times when I run out of mana and can't cast any spells or shapeshift into bear or cat form. In the past, Gandelf has had a shovel as a weapon. No really. A shovel. The WoW modelers must have been running out of ideas.
So when finishing a recent quest, I had the option of taking a new staff as a reward. On inspection, I realized the damage and stats for this new staff were better than that of my old staff, so I chose that as Gandelf's new weapon.
It took me a while to catch, but I think Gandelf is trying to tell me something subtly. Maybe he and the purple tellytubby have something in common, with that triangle? He's apparently not prepared to come fully out and is instead making subtle hints.
Next we have Loyn (I was originally going to spell it "Loin" but didn't know what the GMs would think of that, so I went with the alternate spelling). He's the little known brother of Oin and Gloin and their other little known brother Groyn (whom I have created on another server). When Gandelf got to level 40 or so, solo questing got harder and harder, and therefore less and less fun, so I wanted to create a new character for when I got tired of the Starfire, Roots, Wrath, Wrath, ..., Moonfire, Faerie Fire, Rejuvenation, Bear Form, Growl, Maul, Maul... routine (for the non-WoW savvy, that's the series of spells you use in every combat situation as a Druid). I had already had a Dwarf Hunter on another server, but didn't get to play him much, as Rie didn't like her character on that server. I wanted to try out the hunter class, because there's something appealing about training an animal that you can sacrifice whenever things get sticky, while you run away, unharmed. Also, pets are fun because all they need is a little food and they'll love you forever. (Again, for the non-WoW savvy, Hunters have the special ability of training animals they find in the wild and using them in combat.) For those interested, Loyn's pet is a gray bear named "DeathByFur". It seemed a lot funnier when I thought of it.
So anyways, as Loyn is a Hunter, and Hunters wear leather armor up until level 40 (at which point they can wear mail), and Gandelf is a skinner/leatherworker, I periodically have Gandelf make Loyn some new leather armor. Well, when Loyn reached level 30, I looked through Gandelf's recipe book and found that the best chest armor he could make for Loyn was a Murloc Scale Breastplate. You get the Murloc scales from hunting and skinning Murlocs, like the one that lurks this blog (here fishy, fishy, fishy). So Gandelf (now somewhat gay with his triangle staff) makes Loyn a "special gift" and...
Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. He's not just sorta gay. He's flaming homo! Ok, I'd expect the Murloc scales to turn the armor some color, like maybe green or blue or gray, but bright purple??
Maybe the problem is that these characters play alone all the time. They have no female companionship like all my other characters. I mean, there's no way Legolamb could possibly go gay, what with Nevlonniel (Rie's character) constantly "bouncing". (It's nice to know the Blizzard animators took the time to animate the breast jiggle when the female elf characters jump up and down (which they do frequently, without you ever telling them to)).
Rie does have a character (Night-elf Druid named Tinuviel) on the same server as Gandelf and Loyn, but she doesn't play her much. I don't think Loyn has ever met her. Maybe I just need to get her in the same room with one of the boys and turn off the monitor. Although, Tinuviel is only 24 and Gandelf is 51. I mean, that is just... wrong. Loyn is a much more appropriate 32, but an Elf and a Dwarf? Would that even work?
Sorry for the PG-13 nature of this post. Sorta risque in retrospect.
Oh, and bonus points to anyone who reads this blog and plays WoW (Jeff and Rie) who know where those pictures were taken. Loyn's should be really easy, but Gandelf's may be a bit trickier.
Over the past couple of weeks, it looks as though a couple of my WoW characters have come out of the closet and embraced "alternative lifestyles". Despite my best attempts to raise these characters in a loving and nurturing environment (well, as loving and nurturing as the lands of Azeroth can be when you have monsters of all types trying desperately to kill you), they have apparently decided that they prefer sausages to tacos.
First up, we have my main character, Gandelf. This character was originally created as a "secondary character" that I would play whenever Rie was unable to play one of our many pairs of other characters with me. Of course, this character quickly leveled past all my other characters, and currently stands tall at 51.
Being a Druid, his weapon is mainly for show. We all know Druids can't do any real melee damage. Be that as it may, I always try to have a good weapon to fall back on for those times when I run out of mana and can't cast any spells or shapeshift into bear or cat form. In the past, Gandelf has had a shovel as a weapon. No really. A shovel. The WoW modelers must have been running out of ideas.
So when finishing a recent quest, I had the option of taking a new staff as a reward. On inspection, I realized the damage and stats for this new staff were better than that of my old staff, so I chose that as Gandelf's new weapon.
It took me a while to catch, but I think Gandelf is trying to tell me something subtly. Maybe he and the purple tellytubby have something in common, with that triangle? He's apparently not prepared to come fully out and is instead making subtle hints.
Next we have Loyn (I was originally going to spell it "Loin" but didn't know what the GMs would think of that, so I went with the alternate spelling). He's the little known brother of Oin and Gloin and their other little known brother Groyn (whom I have created on another server). When Gandelf got to level 40 or so, solo questing got harder and harder, and therefore less and less fun, so I wanted to create a new character for when I got tired of the Starfire, Roots, Wrath, Wrath, ..., Moonfire, Faerie Fire, Rejuvenation, Bear Form, Growl, Maul, Maul... routine (for the non-WoW savvy, that's the series of spells you use in every combat situation as a Druid). I had already had a Dwarf Hunter on another server, but didn't get to play him much, as Rie didn't like her character on that server. I wanted to try out the hunter class, because there's something appealing about training an animal that you can sacrifice whenever things get sticky, while you run away, unharmed. Also, pets are fun because all they need is a little food and they'll love you forever. (Again, for the non-WoW savvy, Hunters have the special ability of training animals they find in the wild and using them in combat.) For those interested, Loyn's pet is a gray bear named "DeathByFur". It seemed a lot funnier when I thought of it.
So anyways, as Loyn is a Hunter, and Hunters wear leather armor up until level 40 (at which point they can wear mail), and Gandelf is a skinner/leatherworker, I periodically have Gandelf make Loyn some new leather armor. Well, when Loyn reached level 30, I looked through Gandelf's recipe book and found that the best chest armor he could make for Loyn was a Murloc Scale Breastplate. You get the Murloc scales from hunting and skinning Murlocs, like the one that lurks this blog (here fishy, fishy, fishy). So Gandelf (now somewhat gay with his triangle staff) makes Loyn a "special gift" and...
Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. He's not just sorta gay. He's flaming homo! Ok, I'd expect the Murloc scales to turn the armor some color, like maybe green or blue or gray, but bright purple??
Maybe the problem is that these characters play alone all the time. They have no female companionship like all my other characters. I mean, there's no way Legolamb could possibly go gay, what with Nevlonniel (Rie's character) constantly "bouncing". (It's nice to know the Blizzard animators took the time to animate the breast jiggle when the female elf characters jump up and down (which they do frequently, without you ever telling them to)).
Rie does have a character (Night-elf Druid named Tinuviel) on the same server as Gandelf and Loyn, but she doesn't play her much. I don't think Loyn has ever met her. Maybe I just need to get her in the same room with one of the boys and turn off the monitor. Although, Tinuviel is only 24 and Gandelf is 51. I mean, that is just... wrong. Loyn is a much more appropriate 32, but an Elf and a Dwarf? Would that even work?
Sorry for the PG-13 nature of this post. Sorta risque in retrospect.
Oh, and bonus points to anyone who reads this blog and plays WoW (Jeff and Rie) who know where those pictures were taken. Loyn's should be really easy, but Gandelf's may be a bit trickier.
Friday, September 2, 2005
What do you think?
Boeing Machinists reject contract, walk out on strike
Let's see. They make more money than me, get a better pension than me, get better incentives then me, and get better health care options than me, yet they're the ones striking.
How is that fair?
Boeing Machinists reject contract, walk out on strike
Let's see. They make more money than me, get a better pension than me, get better incentives then me, and get better health care options than me, yet they're the ones striking.
How is that fair?
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