Go Fly a Kite.
This is really cool. I want to do it, too.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Sunday, June 24, 2007
International Space Station Computer Glitch
Hannah Adams (pictured above) was sent up to fix the problem. She promptly installed WinVNC and called the NASA Clearwater office for Mission Control Director and Email Admin, Tom Adams. Upon dialing in to the system, Tom Adams noted that the Internet Explorer settings had not been set to block "pop-ups". He changed that setting, and the systems were back online. Hannah returned to earth aboard the space shuttle on June 22nd, 2007.
Hannah Adams (pictured above) was sent up to fix the problem. She promptly installed WinVNC and called the NASA Clearwater office for Mission Control Director and Email Admin, Tom Adams. Upon dialing in to the system, Tom Adams noted that the Internet Explorer settings had not been set to block "pop-ups". He changed that setting, and the systems were back online. Hannah returned to earth aboard the space shuttle on June 22nd, 2007.
People in Commercials Are So Blunt.
It's true. They really are. They seem to have no inhibitions about what information they share with millions of people.
Like that genital herpes couple. The guy just comes right out and says "I have genital herpes." (bwaha! Sucks to be him!) And the couple goes into further details about their reckless behavior and careless attitude about an incurable disease. But enough space has already been devoted to them on the pages of this blog.
Well now there's another guy. Some older guy, who again, just comes out and says "My high blood pressure contributes to my erectile dysfunction." I'm like, OMG WTF BBQ TMI and every other TLA I can think of. I mean, the guy doesn't even tell me his name or anything. The commercial starts, and some random stranger who I've never seen prior to now just starts telling me about his embarrassing personal problems unasked. It's like these people have no dignity or sense of privacy.
It'd sorta be like, while riding the elevator at work, I just started a conversation with the person next to me by saying "my hemorrhoids are really acting up right now" or "it burned when I peed this morning, after passing that kidney stone last night." I mean, wow. I think that loud "thump" a while back was us driving over the decomposing corpse of the line.
And the potential for women to have awkward introductions is so much greater. For instance, "got any Vagisil?" or any description of NFP methods. ("Some women use the cervical position, along with other indicators, to determine their cycle, but I go by mucus consistency. For instance, right now it's thick and stretchy." Yeah, seeing The Murloc's chart during our NFP classes, wherein she described her "symptoms" was WAY more information than I really needed to know. I'm just warning you Dave. Brace yourself.)
So while we're talking about commercials, have you seen that one with the crazy lady talking to the light bulb about the TV? I assume she's crazy because she is talking to a light bulb. But anyways, the conversation goes something like this.
Crazy lady: "Do you think my husband will like this TV?"
Figment of Crazy Lady's imagination: "Blah blah blah high enough resolution to give your grandchildren cancer."
Crazy lady: "So yes?"
Light bulb: "No, he'll love it. And he'll love you. In fact, he might even get you something from there (pointing to jewelry store)."
Crazy lady: "(shallowly) Really?"
So aside from the fact that the lady is crazy, she's also incredibly shallow, because she seems only tempted to buy it because she'll get shinies in return. But the thing about the commercial that amazed me most was that it out-right stated "women: buy your husband a big screen TV and he'll love you more."
This is an incredibly untapped marketing tool. For instance, I propose the following advertising campaign for any jewelry store willing to send me a mere 50% of their profits:
I mean, how could this fail? The jeweler could even offer a 100% money-back put-out guarantee. It would be a terrific way to reach out to that desperate male demographic. I mean, the makers of Tag and Axe body sprays are spending millions in advertising saying, essentially, that if you spray your body with enough overpowering chemicals to tranquilize a rhinoceros, hot women will throw themselves at you. This could be a really helpful marketing tool, because, come one, why else would you buy a rock made out of one of the most abundant substances on Earth, that is expensive only because the supply is artificially controlled, and can be artificially manufactured for a fraction of the cost?
In conclusion, match the product name to the product description:
1) Flonase
2) Flomax
3) Flowmaster
a) Exhaust system
b) Decongestant
c) Prostate medication
P.S. My Google search history looks really interesting right about now.
It's true. They really are. They seem to have no inhibitions about what information they share with millions of people.
Like that genital herpes couple. The guy just comes right out and says "I have genital herpes." (bwaha! Sucks to be him!) And the couple goes into further details about their reckless behavior and careless attitude about an incurable disease. But enough space has already been devoted to them on the pages of this blog.
Well now there's another guy. Some older guy, who again, just comes out and says "My high blood pressure contributes to my erectile dysfunction." I'm like, OMG WTF BBQ TMI and every other TLA I can think of. I mean, the guy doesn't even tell me his name or anything. The commercial starts, and some random stranger who I've never seen prior to now just starts telling me about his embarrassing personal problems unasked. It's like these people have no dignity or sense of privacy.
It'd sorta be like, while riding the elevator at work, I just started a conversation with the person next to me by saying "my hemorrhoids are really acting up right now" or "it burned when I peed this morning, after passing that kidney stone last night." I mean, wow. I think that loud "thump" a while back was us driving over the decomposing corpse of the line.
And the potential for women to have awkward introductions is so much greater. For instance, "got any Vagisil?" or any description of NFP methods. ("Some women use the cervical position, along with other indicators, to determine their cycle, but I go by mucus consistency. For instance, right now it's thick and stretchy." Yeah, seeing The Murloc's chart during our NFP classes, wherein she described her "symptoms" was WAY more information than I really needed to know. I'm just warning you Dave. Brace yourself.)
So while we're talking about commercials, have you seen that one with the crazy lady talking to the light bulb about the TV? I assume she's crazy because she is talking to a light bulb. But anyways, the conversation goes something like this.
Crazy lady: "Do you think my husband will like this TV?"
Figment of Crazy Lady's imagination: "Blah blah blah high enough resolution to give your grandchildren cancer."
Crazy lady: "So yes?"
Light bulb: "No, he'll love it. And he'll love you. In fact, he might even get you something from there (pointing to jewelry store)."
Crazy lady: "(shallowly) Really?"
So aside from the fact that the lady is crazy, she's also incredibly shallow, because she seems only tempted to buy it because she'll get shinies in return. But the thing about the commercial that amazed me most was that it out-right stated "women: buy your husband a big screen TV and he'll love you more."
This is an incredibly untapped marketing tool. For instance, I propose the following advertising campaign for any jewelry store willing to send me a mere 50% of their profits:
I mean, how could this fail? The jeweler could even offer a 100% money-back put-out guarantee. It would be a terrific way to reach out to that desperate male demographic. I mean, the makers of Tag and Axe body sprays are spending millions in advertising saying, essentially, that if you spray your body with enough overpowering chemicals to tranquilize a rhinoceros, hot women will throw themselves at you. This could be a really helpful marketing tool, because, come one, why else would you buy a rock made out of one of the most abundant substances on Earth, that is expensive only because the supply is artificially controlled, and can be artificially manufactured for a fraction of the cost?
In conclusion, match the product name to the product description:
1) Flonase
2) Flomax
3) Flowmaster
a) Exhaust system
b) Decongestant
c) Prostate medication
P.S. My Google search history looks really interesting right about now.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
What I Got for Fathers Day
Ok, actually Ileana didn't get me that and our marriage is thus saved. Several questions come to mind after seeing the "Man Bonnet" though. Among the many questions that exploded out of my head (through a hole I had previously drilled to help the voices get out), a few that I found are:
Ok, actually Ileana didn't get me that and our marriage is thus saved. Several questions come to mind after seeing the "Man Bonnet" though. Among the many questions that exploded out of my head (through a hole I had previously drilled to help the voices get out), a few that I found are:
- Is it illegal to beat any man wearing this?
- How about any woman for that matter?
- How big a tool is this guy?
- What else would this guy do for money?
- He didn't do this for free did he?
- No dignity. (Okay, not really a question)
- How long until I'm considered bonnetphobic?
- John Wayne, where are you!?!?!
- Is the feminization of male America a good thing or a bad thing? Doesn't every man who wears that make me one man closer to being the alpha male?
- Gloria Steinem, you suck. (Okay, also not a question)
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Too cool not to link to.
An Atlas of The Universe
But, of course, I have to balance it out with something completely inane and idiotic.
Cabotia
An Atlas of The Universe
But, of course, I have to balance it out with something completely inane and idiotic.
Cabotia
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Thursday, June 7, 2007
My Abidjanian Friend
Lately I’d been having fun with a new pen-pal I got online. He is such a generous guy for wanting to share millions of dollars with me. Here is a chronological history of correspondences between him and I. I encourage all of you out there to make friends with people like him and send them lots of emails. Remember the more time you spend together, the less time he has for someone else, and in the end isn’t that what friendship is about?
(In all fairness I was inspired by something Dave remembers from somethingaweful.com More examples of fun with spammers can be found at
5/18/07
From :Mr Adam Williams
BIAO Bank In Abidjan,Cote D'Ivoire
Email: adamwill020@yahoo.co.jp
Hello,
My name is Mr Adam Williams.I work with the BIAO Bank in Abidjan, Cote d'Ivoire as an accountant Foreign operation department.
In the discharge of my duty, I stumbled on this domiciliary account that has remained dormant for three years now with fifteen million dollars($15m)in it.
I contacted my director and we sent out staff for enquiries and discovered that the account holder died in motor accident with the next of kin.
I am writing you so that we can work with you to remit the money into your account as the next of kin. it is simple process which will take a short while to process. outside this, the bank management will confiscate the money.
If I hear from you, I will tell you all you need to Know about the money.
Thanks for your co-operation.
Mr Adam Williams .
What info can I give you?
Hello Mr. Adams,
Thank you for the precise email, Before we proceed, I will want you to understand the full details and proceedings regarding the pursuance and subsequent approval of this inheritance in your favour as the bonafide next of kin beneficiary to late Engr. Romildo Adams of blessed memory. Be assured that we are not going to embark on any illegal venture. All dealing must be transparent and in accordance to the financials laws of this country.
Before, writing to you, I knew quite well that you may not be a true relation of Late Engr. Romildo Adams . This is because from ten years experience I had in dealing with our late costumer, we never made mention of any relation, I must confess this to you. I tracked the last name on the internet and thus contacting you for this noble project. This is because I never intend to allow the bank and unscrupoulous officials in the government to take advantage of the hard-earned money simply because the would be next of kin to the deposit is not traceable, i must confess this to you.
Instead of leaving the funds in the fund to be confiscated, I therefore devised a means on how to seek release of this fund to you legally as the true heir to the fund. Why I did this is because of the fact that there are legions of orphans, poor children around the globe whom a mere square meal a day look like paradise, who are dieing of hunger. I have even made up my mind that we shall donate the 30% of this funds to charitable organisations as our contributions towards the upliftment of mankind and also to churches for the propagation of word of God rather than leaving the funds to be confiscated simply because no next of kin is available. The amount is 15,000,000.00 (fifiteen Million United States Dollars) of which I am in possession of all documents covering the deposit. I will make all this available to you for your perusal and records.
For your information below is the data of late Engr. Romildo Adams Last Address: Immeuble Konan (Konan house)
Rue de la Independence (Independence road)
II Plateau, Lot 154
Abidjan Cote d'Ivoire
From Australia, Born12-4-1946 in England.
Moreover, according to the financial laws of this country, when one died intestate (Without Leaving a Will), the would be next of kin is only required by law to secure a letter of administration (Oath Without Will) from the Probate Registry of the Ministry Of Justice. This letter once obtained on your name and submitted to the bank, the deposit will be released on your instruction immediately.
This is a very simple process, all I need is your cooperation and willingness. Whether you are a true relation does not even matter. The needed information required for the grant of this letter of Administration in your favour includes thus :
1) Your Residential Address
2) Your Present Occupation
3) Age
4) Your Personal Telephone and Fax Numbers.
Upon the receipt of this required information, We will get an attorney who will help us to apply for the grant of the letter of Administration in your name and favour to the justice department here in Abidjan Cote D' Ivoire so that there will be a statury provision from the probate that will confer you the legal right as the bonafide heir to the deceased, Note that upon the grant of this legal document in your favour that the original copy of this legal document will be submitted to the bank and a copy forwarded to you for your records.
Once this is done, The bank will transfer the fund to any of your account which you will nominate for this purpose. Two of us will share the remaining 70% on the equal basis. Let me know your mind on this sharing.
I can be reached on this telephone numbers: 00225-0847-9793 . Please you can call me for verbal discussion and try to understand the need for us to be prompt on this issue as delay is not advisable. Above all endeavour to furnish me with the requested information to enable us proceed.
Waiting for your phone call.
Adam Williams.
5/20/07
I dont understand I aint got no job Im a kid. My dad is the VP of his company. Should I use his info?
5/21/07
I'm very sorry to know that you are a kid, I advise you to inform your dad about this transfer since he bears thesame surname, remember that I contacted you simply because you bears thesame surname with Late Engr. Romildo Adams who deposited the fund into our bank here in Abidjan. I will stop here untill I hear from you as soon as you discuss the matter with your father.
Waiting to here from you
Best Regards
Adam WIlliams.
But I have the same name too. And my dad just gave me a job for my birthdayz!
5/22/07
Hello Adams,
Nice hearing from you, I'm happy to know that you are capable to actualize this noble business with me, Now you should go ahead and provide your information as I requested from you to enable us proceed.
Waiting to hear from you.
Best Regards
Adam Williams.
But what if I aint got a fax number? Can’t we do this all by email?
5/23/07
Hello Adams,
There is know problems we can do it by email since you don't have a fax numbers so provide the requested information immediately to enable us proceed.
Waiting to hear from you
Best regards
Adam Williams.
Okay, that’s great! Now you want my address. Since I’m going to be moving in the next couple of weeks, do you want the current address or the new one? It’s a long story I’d be excited to tell you about. It’s really nice where I’m moving to.
5/24/07
I'm in receipt of your message this morning and must let you know that I don't understand the content of your message very well, You are telling me that you are traveling, where are you traveling to?? What of the business that we are doing?? You have to provide me with your home address where you can be located, I am anxiously waiting to have the requested information from you to enable us proceed this transfer without further delays from your side.
Waiting to hear from you.
Best Regards
Adam Williams.
I’m just getting a new house on the beach. My dad is being a total ******, so I thought it’d be best if I just moved to my own place. It’s real awesome where I am going. Maybe you could come over some time. Cause I’d could let you stay at my place.
Hey, about the charity we are giving to. I need to know what charity we are giving to since I don’t want money going to warlords somewhere? Are we giving the money to an Amnesty Intl approved charity?
5/25/07
Hello Adams,
I'm in receipt of your mail this morning with the great sense of understanding, however I must let you know that our donation to the charity home will be on our arrangement if you wish to donate the money to Amnest Intl approved charity as you suggested is okay by me, and mind you that we are not going to give anything to the labels or warlord.
Anxiously waiting to receive your information to enable us proceed as you can see that the week is already runs out without progress.
Best Regards
Adam Williams.
+225.0847.9793
Dear Mr Adams Williams, I am sorry for this process having taken so long. I can’t wait for all the good things we can do with this money. I found someone I want to donate the money to. I read about him in this email I got:
I know you all are very caring people:
I am a very sick boy little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore.
The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was born without a body.
It doesn't hurt, except when I go to sleep. The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us havin' no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.
Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad. I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail.
Dr. Van Nostrem from the clinic said if you forward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from school children all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels.
Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this e-mail, that's OK.
Please help me! This really sucks. I try to be happy but it's hard.
I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.
Thank You.
Billy 'Smiles' Evans,
the boy with just a head.
And a burlap sack for a body.
I think if there is any one good thing we can do with this money, it is helping this boy. I hope you agree. I am concerned about hackers and don’t want to send personal information by email, so I am mailing you my information at the post office tonight.
5/29/07
Did you get my letter yet?
I haven’t heard from you. Is everything alright? I’m worried about you. Let me know
6/1/07
It seems you are not serious to actualize this business with me since you refuse to provide your information as I requested from you to enable us proceed, I told you previously that delay is not adviseable in this venture but you kept to delaying, I therefore suggest to look for another person who is willing to actualize this venture with me, If you are still intresting do provide your information to enable us proceed without further delays.
Regards
Adam Williams
Did you not receive my letter yet? I don’t like hackers on the internet and am hesitant to post my personal info online even by email. Please receive my letter.
Alas, I never received back from him
Tuesday, June 5, 2007
How I spent my weekend
6/2/07 - 6/3/07
Well it was a full weekend. We flew up to Chicago to baptise Hannah Emparatriz so that it would be easier on in-laws to be there. While we were there, Ileana and I went to a Cubs vs Braves game and had the pleasure of watching Cubs manager Lou Piniella kick dirt on an umpire.
The fans didn't like the umpire's call either:
Piniella has since been suspended four games and fined $4,000.
According to the AP, "Piniella did say this about the call against Pagan: 'He looked safe from the dugout, but after I saw the play, the umpire had it right.'"
Fun game.
In other news, Elizabeth Torrez, my sister in law, got confirmed on Sunday June 3rd, 2007. Ileana was her sponsor and Norma (Elizabeth's morther's name) was the name Elizabeth took for herself.
Following that, Hannah Emparatiz Adams was baptised in St John Brebeuf church in Niles, IL that same Sunday. The Adams family (minus Gwendolyn, Cecily, Stephanie and Becket), the Castro family, the Torres family, the Lindblom family and Dave Belland attended the ceremony. Tim and Molly Lindblom are the godparents. This was aldo Grandma Adams' first time seeing her first grandchild.
Following all that, we then went to Louis Torrez' (my brother in law) retirement party. After serving 20 years in the Navy and Naval Reserves, he finally retired to focus on his civilian job and the joy of raising a family. Here are some highlight photos:
And finally we went to bed, but not before I could mess with Hannah just a little more:
6/2/07 - 6/3/07
Well it was a full weekend. We flew up to Chicago to baptise Hannah Emparatriz so that it would be easier on in-laws to be there. While we were there, Ileana and I went to a Cubs vs Braves game and had the pleasure of watching Cubs manager Lou Piniella kick dirt on an umpire.
The fans didn't like the umpire's call either:
Piniella has since been suspended four games and fined $4,000.
According to the AP, "Piniella did say this about the call against Pagan: 'He looked safe from the dugout, but after I saw the play, the umpire had it right.'"
Fun game.
In other news, Elizabeth Torrez, my sister in law, got confirmed on Sunday June 3rd, 2007. Ileana was her sponsor and Norma (Elizabeth's morther's name) was the name Elizabeth took for herself.
Following that, Hannah Emparatiz Adams was baptised in St John Brebeuf church in Niles, IL that same Sunday. The Adams family (minus Gwendolyn, Cecily, Stephanie and Becket), the Castro family, the Torres family, the Lindblom family and Dave Belland attended the ceremony. Tim and Molly Lindblom are the godparents. This was aldo Grandma Adams' first time seeing her first grandchild.
Following all that, we then went to Louis Torrez' (my brother in law) retirement party. After serving 20 years in the Navy and Naval Reserves, he finally retired to focus on his civilian job and the joy of raising a family. Here are some highlight photos:
And finally we went to bed, but not before I could mess with Hannah just a little more:
*drum roll*
Sham Shpade!
It's finally here. Sorry, I had to fly back yesterday from my baby's baptism in Chicago. I so humbly apologise for not flying back fast enough to bring you this. Enjoy!
For more information including credits and little known facts, visit the Sham Shpade page at OWIBTYW.com
Sham Shpade!
It's finally here. Sorry, I had to fly back yesterday from my baby's baptism in Chicago. I so humbly apologise for not flying back fast enough to bring you this. Enjoy!
For more information including credits and little known facts, visit the Sham Shpade page at OWIBTYW.com
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