People in Commercials Are So Blunt.

It's true. They really are. They seem to have no inhibitions about what information they share with millions of people.

Like that genital herpes couple. The guy just comes right out and says "I have genital herpes." (bwaha! Sucks to be him!) And the couple goes into further details about their reckless behavior and careless attitude about an incurable disease. But enough space has already been devoted to them on the pages of this blog.

Well now there's another guy. Some older guy, who again, just comes out and says "My high blood pressure contributes to my erectile dysfunction." I'm like, OMG WTF BBQ TMI and every other TLA I can think of. I mean, the guy doesn't even tell me his name or anything. The commercial starts, and some random stranger who I've never seen prior to now just starts telling me about his embarrassing personal problems unasked. It's like these people have no dignity or sense of privacy.

It'd sorta be like, while riding the elevator at work, I just started a conversation with the person next to me by saying "my hemorrhoids are really acting up right now" or "it burned when I peed this morning, after passing that kidney stone last night." I mean, wow. I think that loud "thump" a while back was us driving over the decomposing corpse of the line.

And the potential for women to have awkward introductions is so much greater. For instance, "got any Vagisil?" or any description of NFP methods. ("Some women use the cervical position, along with other indicators, to determine their cycle, but I go by mucus consistency. For instance, right now it's thick and stretchy." Yeah, seeing The Murloc's chart during our NFP classes, wherein she described her "symptoms" was WAY more information than I really needed to know. I'm just warning you Dave. Brace yourself.)

So while we're talking about commercials, have you seen that one with the crazy lady talking to the light bulb about the TV? I assume she's crazy because she is talking to a light bulb. But anyways, the conversation goes something like this.

Crazy lady: "Do you think my husband will like this TV?"
Figment of Crazy Lady's imagination: "Blah blah blah high enough resolution to give your grandchildren cancer."
Crazy lady: "So yes?"
Light bulb: "No, he'll love it. And he'll love you. In fact, he might even get you something from there (pointing to jewelry store)."
Crazy lady: "(shallowly) Really?"

So aside from the fact that the lady is crazy, she's also incredibly shallow, because she seems only tempted to buy it because she'll get shinies in return. But the thing about the commercial that amazed me most was that it out-right stated "women: buy your husband a big screen TV and he'll love you more."

This is an incredibly untapped marketing tool. For instance, I propose the following advertising campaign for any jewelry store willing to send me a mere 50% of their profits:


I mean, how could this fail? The jeweler could even offer a 100% money-back put-out guarantee. It would be a terrific way to reach out to that desperate male demographic. I mean, the makers of Tag and Axe body sprays are spending millions in advertising saying, essentially, that if you spray your body with enough overpowering chemicals to tranquilize a rhinoceros, hot women will throw themselves at you. This could be a really helpful marketing tool, because, come one, why else would you buy a rock made out of one of the most abundant substances on Earth, that is expensive only because the supply is artificially controlled, and can be artificially manufactured for a fraction of the cost?

In conclusion, match the product name to the product description:
1) Flonase
2) Flomax
3) Flowmaster

a) Exhaust system
b) Decongestant
c) Prostate medication

P.S. My Google search history looks really interesting right about now.