She'll thank me when she's older

Child services? Child shmervices.

Congratulations to The Pickles!

(A very good name, I might add.)

Pop Quiz!

And you thought you were safe on the weekend. Diagram the following sentences:

1. Dave likes chocolate.
2. The horse raced past the barn fell.
3. So I was like walking down the street like and this car like TOTALLY almost ran over this cat like but it was like ok lol.
4. The Dutch government has said it fears the same kind of backlash as over the cartoons when a right-wing lawmaker releases a film critical of the Koran, which he says he will do this month online after cinemas refused to show it.

A double imaginary-bag-o-marshmallows to whomever gets them all correct first!

FU News Mailbag.
I put so much time and effort into this, it had to be shared with the rest of the world. Sorry for the double-post, you loyal readers who were included on my original reply e-mail.

So anyways, the Murloc's sister sent me one of those lists of internet trivia. You know, the ones that have all sorts of silly and completely unreferenced and implausible trivia. Taking it, as I always do, as a challenge, I then spent the next several hours on Google, Wikipedia, Snopes, The Straight Dope, and numerous other sites trying to verify each and every claim.

So here are the results. My conclusions follow each bit of trivia.


The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for Blood plasma.

Semi-true. Not a substitute, per se, but the intravenous use of coconut water can be used for short-term intravenous hydration in extreme circumstances. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10674546


No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven (7) times.

Busted by Mythbusters, who folded a single piece of paper 11 times. http://mythbustersresults.com/episode72. In the episode, they actually mentioned that they weren't the first to bust the myth, citing a news item about a girl who had folded a toilet paper roll 14 or so times (I think). The amount you can fold toilet paper is proportional to the ratio of surface area to thickness. For standard 8.5"x11" copy paper, it is too thick and too small to fold more than 7 times without tearing, but lowering the thickness (like tracing paper) or raising the surface area (like the giant piece the Mythbusters assembled from several rolls of butcher paper) enables you to break the "7 fold barrier".


Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes or shark attacks.

Unlikely. From Snopes: "There are no sources for donkey-induced death statistics." The source for the myth comes from a 1987 London Times article, which reads "One expert has estimated that more people in the world are kicked to death by donkeys than die in plane crashes." No sources or data are given, so it is likely false. http://www.snopes.com/science/stats/donkey.asp

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

False, according to some website on the internet: http://primusweb.com/cgi-bin/fpc/actcalc.pl.
Actually, every website I found that had calorie-burning comparisons of different activities listed watching TV/relaxing/lounging as burning more calories than sleeping.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

False, according to some guy on the internet (http://www.arcytech.org/java/population/facts_oaks.html): "Oak trees can start producing acorns when they are 20 years old, but sometimes can go all the way to 50 years for the first production." He has a graph and a mathematical formula, so he must be right.


The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

Confirmed. According to the Wrigley's web site (http://www.wrigley.com/wrigley/about/about_story.asp; click on the "1974" link) and another website (http://www.keyword.com/barcode_upc.htm), "On June 26, 1974 at 8:01am, the first product with a bar code, a 10-pack of Wrigley's Juicy Fruit chewing gum, was scanned at a check-out counter at a Marsh supermarket in Troy, Ohio. This pack of gum was picked from the cart by a shopper (Clyde Dawson) who simply chose the gum first. Sharon Buchanan (now retired) was the cashier who made the first UPC scan. The register rang up this sale - 67 cents."


The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

This is only true for standard English decks. The original French decks, produced in the 16th century did, but it was lost in time due to poor copying (See http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2004/01/23/1074732585442.html?from=storyrhs, http://www.funtrivia.com/askft/Question59839.html)


American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each salad served in first-class.

Plausible. While I could not find any direct confirmation of this, I did see it mentioned in more reputable sources. It was a question in a game of Trivial Pursuit, 80's edition I played, and also received mention in the International Herald Tribune (http://www.iht.com/articles/2005/06/10/business/air.php)


Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally associated with women, what does this tell you)

(I will assume the phrase "as seen from the north pole", since that's the only way this one makes sense (any rotating object appears to rotate in the opposite direction when viewed from the opposite side).)

False, on a technicality. If you define the North Pole, as does the International Astronomical Union (IAU), as that pole which points above the invariable plane of the Solar System, then Uranus also rotates clockwise—but just barely. Uranus is the planet with the highest axial tilt, so its North Pole is only 8° above parallel to the plane of its orbit. So whereas most planets as seen from the north pole of the solar system look like spinning tops, Uranus appears to roll around its orbit like a ball.

However, if you define north pole using the right-hand rule of rotation, then all planets rotate counter-clockwise as seen from their north pole—by definition.

Concerning association of Venus with women, several other heavenly bodies are named after/associated with female figures, including one other planet (Earth; "Gaia"), as well as two dwarf planets, Ceres and Eris.


Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

Unconfirmed, but plausible. In my vast and thorough search (read: 15 minutes on Google) I could find no scientific research which demonstrated this, but it makes sense. This gal on the internet has a good explanation. Apples contain carbohydrates and sugar, which are what your body uses for fuel and quick energy. Caffeine is not fuel, but instead acts like a drug on your brain, signaling it to release adrenaline and produce more sugar. This is why I don't touch the stuff, except for maybe a can of soda on raid nights, but not after 8pm, or I'll never fall asleep. And for all you who claim that hot chocolate I drink every morning has caffeine in it, you're wrong.


Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

Probably true. This is the only site I could find that dissented from the myth. It sounds semi-reputable, but does not give any sources. Most web pages just repeated the myth without contributing. However, from Wikipedia, citing a scientific report "An average skin flake has an equivalent diameter of 14µm. It is estimated that the entire outer layer of skin is shed every day or two at a rate of 7 million skin flakes per minute. Tests of indoor environmental dust in homes and offices have shown it to be primarily (70-90%) composed of skin flakes. Assuming a density of 1 g/cm³, 7 million skin flakes per minute corresponds to a mass emission rate of about 20 mg/minute."

Pets can also be a significant contributor to dust (via their shed hair).


The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer. So did the first 'Marlboro Man.'

False.

Let's start with the second half (So did the first 'Marlboro Man"): According to Snopes, two Marlboro men died of lung cancer, David McLean and Wayne McLaren. However, neither was the first Marlboro Man. According to Wikipedia, that distinction goes to actor/author William Thourlby, who is (as far as I can tell) still alive.

As for the first half, (the first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer), I have to assume that by "Marlboro Company", it means Philip Morris & Co., Ltd, now Altria Group, Inc. Marlboro is not a company itself, but a brand name owned by a company (sort of like "Frosted Flakes" is a brand of General Mills). The company was originally created by Philip Morris, Esq., a London tobacconist, in 1847 as a seller of cigars. He began making his own cigarettes in 1854. While Philip Morris may have died of lung cancer (he died in 1873, and I could not find any references to his cause of death), the Marlboro brand itself wasn't created until 1924 (then advertised as a women's cigarette; "Mild as May"). However, Philip Morris & Co. was a publicly traded company as of 1881, so it's inappropriate to speak of the "original owner" of the Marlboro brand as an individual, as Marlboro has always been owned by a publicly-traded company.


Walt Disney was afraid OF MICE!

Undetermined. According to Steven Watts, author of The Magic Kingdom: Walt Disney and the American Way of Life, Disney was afraid of mice but found them "sympathetic." But according to a 1937 biography of Walt, released by RKO, "Walt had always liked mice. He caught them in wastebaskets around the studio, and kept them in a cage where he could watch their antics."


PEARLS MELT IN VINEGAR!

False, on a technicality, but basically true.

Technically, they dissolve in vinegar. Melting is the physical process in which a substance changes from a solid to a liquid. Dissolving is a chemical process in which a substance becomes absorbed into another liquid.

However, I don't even have to look this one up to tell you it's true. Rie's engagement ring has two pearls and every jeweler I've shown it to (including the one who made it) has told me specially not to use any sort of jewelry cleaner on it, since pearls are very soft and can be damaged by the solvents.

When a pearl dissolves in vinegar, what happens is the calcium carbonate in the pearl reacts with the acetic acid in the vinegar. The chemical process looks something like this:

CaCO3 + 2HAc -> Ca(Ac)2 + C02 + H20

See http://www.newton.dep.anl.gov/askasci/chem00/chem00595.htm for more information.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

Not any more. (See Snopes). This data comes from an old Interbrand survey. As of 2007, however, Coca-Cola is #1, Microsoft is #2, and IBM is #3. Marlboro has slipped to #14 and Budweiser to #30.


It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but, not downstairs.

Sounds reasonable. I couldn't find any real documentation on this, but the general word on the internet is not that they can't, but it is extremely difficult for them and makes them nervous, so they won't walk downstairs. Some of the people even gave reasonably scientific sounding explanations, talking about their joints and bone structure.

If you really need to get a cow downstairs, though, you could call Bovine Descenders.


A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

Totally busted. By both Mythbusters and Snopes.


Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush. (I keep my toothbrush in the living room now!)

Impossible to disprove as stated, unless I were to interview every dentist, living and dead, to find out if any of them ever made that recommendation.

But as for the recommendation itself...

Dr. Philip Tierno, author of "The Secret Life of Germs" and director of clinical microbiology and immunology at New York University Medical Center, says you should keep your toothbrush in a drawer, rinse it in mouthwash or peroxide before you brush, and close the toilet lid before you flush because every time the toilet is flushed, fecal bacteria is sprayed up to 20 feet into the air. This implies that the six foot recommendation is useless. However, I have not heard of any fecal-matter-on-toothbrush related deaths recently, and considering the human ability to resist germs is usually severely underestimated, I have a feeling the guy is a real germophobe.

The guys at Straight Dope have a rather different take on the matter. The toilet is, actually, one of the cleanest places in your house, with the kitchen sink being the germiest place.


Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the letters from the word 'criminal.' (who thinks up this stuff??? ) The second? William Jefferson Clinton (Please don't tell me you're SURPRISED!!!)

This depends on how technical you want to get. Technically, all the letters in the word "criminal" also appear in "Abraham Lincoln", but that requires you repeat the "i". If you're not one for re-using letters, then William McKinley, Jr. fits the bill, but that requires you include the "Jr." If you discount both of those, then Richard Milhous Nixon would be next in line (notice the correct spelling), followed by Slick Willy.

Turtles can breathe through their butts. (I know some people like that, don't YOU?)

True. Some turtles can. This one comes from the Straight Dope. It's basically a method for it to draw oxygen from water, so it can breathe underwater.

---------------------

So what's the final score?
True: 8, False: 8, Unconfirmed/unclear: 4

Friday Monday LinkDump.

Oh... my... word....

Ever play Line Rider? If so, this will be all the more impressive.
(These two were also interesting.)

The Air Force is retiring the F-117. I did not know this. Oh, well. It was a successful aircraft. Only one combat loss in how many thousands of sorties?

Giant Killer Robot Attacks Space Station. News at 10.
I, for one, welcome our new robot overlords.

Who composed this piece?

Cavalry
Ture

Answer: Franz von Suppé

Baby's first shuttle launch

We headed out to watch Shuttle Endeavor launch for STS-123 on March 11th, 2008. It was Hannah's first shuttle launch and a night one at that. Anyone who has never seen a night shuttle launch has missed one of the most amazing visual (and audio) experiences ever. The sky was lit up like it was day time for a brief few seconds. Hannah was certainly surprised by it and starred and pointed. A great time was had by all. I highly recommend coming down here to see one if you haven't already. We'll put you up for the nights (yes, plural since they tend to reschedule based on weather so it's near impossible to guarantee a launch date).

Don't look at me! Hannah wants to see the shuttle!

Coincidentally, baby's first shuttle launch reminds me of baby's last Christmas

The Quiz: Planets Edition.

For the purposes of this quiz, I will be using the IAU definition of planet. Sorry, but Pluto is not considered, primarily because in questions of "least", "most", "greatest", and "smallest", it's more interesting if the objects in question share very similar characteristics. So the EIGHT planets that are valid answers for this quiz are (alphabetically) Earth, Jupiter, Mars, Mercury, Neptune, Saturn, Uranus, and Venus.

As with other quizzes, the numbers pre- and post-slash refer to the number of points you gain/lose for correct/incorrect answers. Answers are written after the questions. Highlight to read.

All answers are taken from Wikipedia. You got a problem wit dat, take it up wit dem. Also NO CHEATING!

Section I: "Duh... Venus shore is a bright star. Duh...."
What planet is furthest from the sun? (1/-10)
Neptune (30 AU; ≈4.5 billion km)
What is the largest planet? (1/-10)
Jupiter (radius: 71,000 km; surface area: 64 billion km²; volume: 1.4e15 km³; mass: 1.9e27 kg)
What is the smallest planet? (1/-10)
Mercury (2439 km radius)
What planet has the highest orbital velocity? (2/-10)
Mercury (47.87 km/s. Duh, this follows naturally from it being closest to the Sun)
Which planet is closest to Earth-sized? (2/-8)
Venus (0.95 Earth radii)
Which planet achieves the closest proximity to Earth? (3/-8)
Venus (≈40 million km)
How many planets are superior to Earth? (3/-7)
Five (superior refers to having an orbit larger than Earth's)
How many planets transit the Sun, as seen from Earth? (3/-6)
Two (Mercury and Venus). This follows naturally from them being the only inferior planets.
Which planet has the lowest non-zero number of moons? (3/-6)
Earth (1; duh)

Section II: "I know a thing or two about heavenly bodies."
Which planet has the most moons? (5/-3)
Jupiter (currently; give yourself 3 points if you said Saturn)
How many is that? (10/0)
63 (again, currently known)
How many planets have "significant" atmospheres (>1 millibar surface pressure)? (5/-3)
Seven (all except Mercury)
Which planet has the longest day? (5/-5)
Venus (243 days)
Shortest day? (8/0)
Jupiter (0.41 days)
Which planet has the highest axial tilt? (5/-5)
Uranus (97°)
Lowest axial tilt? (6/0)
Mercury (0°)
The tallest active volcano in the solar system is on which planet? (5/-2)
Mars (Olympus Mons; 88,580 feet)
Which planet has the lowest density? (5/-2)
Saturn (70% that of water)
Which planet has the highest density? (6/-1)
Earth (550% that of water)
Second highest? (7/0)
Mercury (543% that of water)

Section III: "Ok, but not that much."
Which planet has the highest mean surface temperature? (5/0)
Venus (730 K)
How many planets have rings? (7/-2)
Four
Name them (x² where x is the number you got right):
Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune
Which planet has the highest degree of flattening (relative difference between polar radius and equatorial radius)? (7/0)
Saturn (0.0976)
Which planet has the most eccentric orbit (most elliptical)? (8/-2) See? This is why we can't invite Pluto to parties!
Mercury (0.206)
Least eccentric (most circular)? (9/0)
Venus (0.00677)
Which planet has the lowest equatorial surface gravity? (8/0)
Mars (Ha! Bet you didn't know that!) 3.69 m/s² (compared with Mercury, 3.7 m/s²)
Which planet's equatorial surface gravity is closest to that of Earth? (10/0)
Saturn (8.96 m/s², or .914g)
Which planet has the strongest magnetosphere? (9/0)
Jupiter
Which two planets have highly unusual magnetospheres, in that their magnetic poles are tilted at extreme angles from their axes of rotation, and the magnetic center is highly offset from the planetary center? (10/0)
Uranus and Neptune

Bonus Questions: "Buh?"
What planet has the highest planetary discriminant (clearest orbit)? (15/0)
Earth (1.7e6)
What planet has the lowest planetary discriminant ("dirtiest" orbit)? (15/0)
Neptune (2.4e4) (Compare this to Pluto's value, 0.077)
When the IAU defined a planet as having "cleared its orbit", they didn't assign any value definition to what that meant, leaving it open to interpretation. However, we can try and quantify this by using the "planetary discriminant" which is, basically, the mass of the body in question, divided by the mass of all other objects which share that body's orbital zone, but are not dominated gravitationally by that body (such as moons) nor in orbital resonance with the body (such as trojans). Using this method, it is plainly visible that the clearest Dwarf Planet's orbit (Pluto's) is six orders of magnitude less "cleared" than the "dirtiest" planet's. So even by the vague terminology of "cleared its orbit", it's very easy to say that the eight planets conform to that terminology and Pluto does not.

Scoring:
(-∞, -100): Boy, you suck at both Astronomy and Math.
[-100, -50): Unga. Grok see if rocks edible. Grok like looking at shiny dots in sky. Unga.
[-50, 0): You're probably in favor of burning those who say the Earth revolves around the Sun at the stake.
[0, 50): Tycho Brahe
[50, 100): Galileo Galilei (heretic)
[100, 150): Edwin Hubble
[150, 175]: Johannes Kepler
(175, ∞): Nicolaus Copernicus
(205, ∞): You're either really good at astronomy, or you suck at math, probably both.

I noticed The Pickles have "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" and its sequels in their reading bar for Miriam and Katie. With that in mind, here's what happens if you really give a mouse a cookie.

Don't say I never ruined anything for you.

Why the California Court Got it Right on Homeschooling

WARNING: THIS POST IS RATED NC-17 FOR GRAPHIC CONTENT


(Those bar graphs sure copulate like monkeys)

I know everyone's probably decrying the recent California decision on homeschooling. (I know I was when it first came out.) However, as FU's resident legal scholar, I believe it is my duty to show you that there are two sides to every issue.

After mentating deeply about the case while on the pot this morning (hit tip: bathroom coorrespondent), I have come to the conclusion that the California decision banning homeschooling is actually a very CONSERVATIVE decision. Don't believe me? Well, just think about it. The California court was refusing to recognize an unenumerated constitutional right. Good for them! That's very conservative. It's the essence of judicial activism to recognize unenumerated constitutional rights.

Now, the Constitution recognizes very few "fundamental" (i.e. unenumerated) rights. A fundamental right is a very special right that, although not specifically mentioned in the Constitution's text, is so important that, without recognizing it, ordered liberty could not exist. For example, while we may all be at liberty to eat cheeseburgers, we would not say that the right to eat cheeseburgers is so fundamental that, without protecting it, ordered liberty could not exist. Similarly, the right to draw yellow Martians, though important, is not a constitutional right.

Again, an unenumerated right (i.e. one not found explicitly in the Constitution's text) has to be really really special in order for a court to recognize it as a constitutional right. Take for instance the right to contraception on demand. Surely that doesn't rise to the level of . . . (oh, really?) bad example. Let's think instead about the unconstrained right of a mother (or doctor with the mother's "consent") to kill a fetus in utero. Now that's a right . . . (wait, that too?). O.K., so maybe abortion is in, but surely sodomy doesn't . . . (IT DOES??). All right, now I know the right to possess pornography and sex toys . . . (I can't believe it! INCREDIBLE!).

Well, it turns out that there are very few unenumerated constitutional rights EXCEPT when we're talking about sex, and then anything goes, baby! Say, that gives me an idea. I think I've thought of a way that, even under the recent holding of the California appellate court, home schooling could still be a constitutionally protected right!! The following is a home schooling curriculum that I'm sure the California courts would recognize as constitutionally protected:

HISTORY: Margaret Sanger, Heroine of a Millenium
MATH: Contraception, the Null Set (set theory)
LITERATURE: (Take your pick of graphic novels here)
PHYS ED: Sodomy-ball
PERFORMING ARTS: Rating the 10 greatest pornographic films of all time

See!! Isn't living in a democracy great?

Too Important Not to Link.

There has been a court decision to outlaw home schooling by non-credentialed parents/teachers (most of the people home schooling) in California.

HSLDA (Home School Legal Defense) has put together a petition to have the court "de-publish" its rulings and so only have it illegal for this one family (which is really a question of child abuse) and not have the ruling apply to all Californian home schoolers. HSLDA is a legitimate group that has many times defended families in court and carries weight in the CA justice system -- so this petition will actually have an effect.

Please sign the petition here: www.hslda.org

Even if you are not home schooling, please sign this petition as it helps to defend all parental rights (which seem to be too easily dismissed).

If you want to hear about the case, click this link to hear Dr. Dobson interview an HSLDA lawyer about it: http://www.oneplace.com/Ministries/Focus_on_the_Family/Default.asp

If you want to read the actual court document, you can read it here: http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/opinions/documents/B192878.PDF

(I think most of you saw this from Dave's e-mail, but I felt the need to post it in case anyone who reads this blog did not hear about it. Tom, your mom might be interested if she doesn't already know. (That's not funny; my mom died from not knowing about it.))

The Child-Man.

Link.

While pondering why the child-man has become so widespread, the author never really makes the connection that they no longer need to grow up to get what they want from a woman. Of course, we can rely on John C. Wright to do that.

Should I be concerned that so many of my interests (Simpsons, Futurama, Family Guy, video games, even The Best Page in the Universe) show up as diversions of the child-man?

My reason tells me 'no'. Story-driven video games, as a source of light entertainment and diversion, are no different than light reading or for-fun novels. Just because adolescent child-men choose to avoid responsibility with the same fair I use for entertainment does not diminish the value of the medium. I find it a little misleading to group video games in with South Park and Maxim as symptoms of gross immaturity. Is Manhunt in that category? Definitely. Halo 3? Probably not. Grim Fandango? Definitely not.

Also, one of the major reasons I have so much idle time lying on my hands is because someone, and I am not naming names here, has yet to provide me with the Responsibility that would take it up. Ergo, I use it for my amusement.

Friday LinkDump.

Chinese Swan Lake.
The good stuff starts about 2 minutes in. That guy must be built like an Abrams to be able to do some of those lifts. I would never even have dreamed of attempting anything like that.

Finally, a social networking site for me (crudity warning).

XKCD Parody.

I've always (read: for the last five minutes) thought it would be funny/interesting if someone made a romantic comedy about someone like me trying to get into the modern dating scene. I don't know how most of the movie would go, but one of the early scenes might go something like this. (The setup is that I'm in a bar trying to get a date, when I strike up a conversation with a cute girl.)

Cute girl: "Who's your favorite band?"
Me: "Oh, that's a tough question. So many good ones to choose from. I mean, the London Symphony Orchestra has a special place in my heart, but that's mainly because they recorded all six Star Wars soundtracks*. I also like the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields, but I don't know that they're my favorite. I might only say that because, as the most recorded chamber orchestra in the world*, they're who I hear the most. There's also the Los Angeles Master Chorale. The pastor at my old parish knows the conductor*...."
Cute girl (giving odd look): "No, I mean who's your favorite band."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Cute girl: "Y'know. Like what band is your favorite?"
Me: "Oh, band. Probably the Hanover Band. I like how they use period instruments in their recordings*. Y'know, I have their complete collection of Beethoven's Symphonies, Fidelio overtures, and Missa Solemnis*. Really fantastic stuff...."
Cute girl: "No, I mean like. Your favorite musical group, with like, four members?"
Me: "Oh, wow. Limiting it to groups of four? Hm, let's see. That would probably have to be Anonymous Four then. They're seriously good at the medieval chant and such, but lately they've branched out into gospel and shape-note singing.... (Cute girl looks distracted). What's your favorite band?"
Cute girl: "Oh, I like Aerosmith."
~Five minutes later, same bar scene~
Another stock cute girl: "So, what's your favorite band?"
Me: "I like Aerosmith."
ASCG: "Really? Me too!"
~Alternate twist ending~
ASCG: "Oh, they're OK. I really like Anonymous Four.

From there it's a pretty generic chick flick. Boy meets Girl, and must win her affection. Girl doesn't realize that Boy is perfect for her and must overcome her personal tragedy, only to realize that Boy has been there for her all along, set against the backdrop of the North East blackout of 2003. Except it doesn't end with Boy jumping into bed with Girl at the first chance he gets. (Unless of course Girl is played by Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley, or Scarlett Johansson.)

*True facts.

Well, get marching. The calendar commands you to.

WoW.