My complaint about Mr. Thomas M. Adams, Esq.

Writing this letter stems from a desperation to be heard, if not by a court of law, then by a court of public opinion. As I elaborate on that concept throughout this letter I will use only simple words and language so that even a child can understand my message. Yes, even a child should know that Mr. Thomas M. Adams, Esq.'s co-conspirators assert that I'm too pusillanimous to rub Mr. Adams's nose in his own hypocrisy. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because if my memory serves me correctly, Mr. Adams's ability to crush national and spiritual values out of existence and substitute the licentious and biased machinery of officialism is astounding. That's pretty transparent. What's not so transparent is the answer to the following question: Does Mr. Adams enjoy the dubious cachet of being the world's most incompetent, debauched mattoid? A clue might be that I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I aver that there is because I enjoy the great diversity of humankind, in our food, our dress, our music, our literature, and our forms of spiritual expression. What I don't enjoy are Mr. Adams's contemptuous, tasteless half-measures, which encourage men to leave their wives, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become litigious killjoys.

Mr. Adams claims that he holds a universal license that allows him to devastate vast acres of precious farmland. This is a very craven and unconstructive view and, moreover, is wrong in many ways. He is leading us down the road of solipsism. Surely, he is not too pugnacious to realize that.

The first thing we need to do is to get Mr. Adams to admit that he has a problem. He should be counseled to recite the following:

• I, Thomas M Adams, am a sexist radical.
• I have been a participant in a giant scheme to fabricate all sorts of obdurate ad-hoc rules and regulations.
• I hereby admit my addiction to ethnocentrism. I ask for the strength and wisdom to fight this addiction.

Once Mr. Adams realizes that he has a problem, maybe then he'll see that he deeply believes that it's okay if his zingers initially cause our quality of life to degrade because "sometime", "someone" will do "something" "somehow" to counteract that trend. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the truth is very simple: Mr. Adams's hatchet men are merely ciphers. Mr. Adams is the one who decides whether or not to prevent us from recognizing the vast and incomparable achievements, contributions, and discoveries that are the product of our culture. Mr. Adams is the one who gives out the orders to marginalize dissident voices. And Mr. Adams is the one trying to conceal how his cheerleaders often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear. All in all, I realize that this letter has seemed incredibly bleak. However, expecting the worst from Mr. Thomas M. Adams, Esq. means we will never be disappointed. If we're wrong and Mr. Adams does not try to impose a "glass ceiling" that limits our opportunities for promotions in most jobs, we'll be relieved. If we're right and he does, we'll be prepared.

For further information on Mr. Adams' ubiquitous failures, see here.

On that darkened springtime morn,
No trumpet, lute, lyre, or horn,
Announced our savior had been born,
To She through whom Redemption comes.

The labor, quick then was done,
The Mother held her infant son;
Our redemption would soon be won,
Through She by whom Salvation comes.

Foster father, joyous for his gain,
And that of all the world, for pain,
Was soon to end, His wondrous reign,
Dawned when She gave birth unto a son.

Only shepherds, who came from the field,
Came to praise and they beheld,
Our Lord, as he was gently held,
By She through whom Forgiveness comes.

The world lay quietly, unknowing,
But soon the graces would be flowing,
And all in heaven would be bowing,
To Our Lord and She through whom He comes.

* * *

The authors and contributors of Franciscan University News would like to wish you all a most joyful Christmas.

Astronomy Picture of the Day/Week/Month.

From Space.com

<<The Moon passes less than a degree from very bright Mars. In fact, observers in northern Canada, Alaska, the Arctic and parts of Europe may see an occultation (basically, an eclipse) of Mars by the Moon. For a map and more information on the occultation, see the International Occultation Timing Association page: http://www.lunar-occultations.com/iota/planets/1224mars.htm>>



I took that picture a couple hours after the closest approach. It should be noted that It would have missed the event altogether if The Observant Murloc hadn't noticed it as we were driving home from mass.

In a little more cosmic terms, it would look something like this.



(Screenshot courtesy Celestia. What? You don't have Celestia? Go get it now!)

It's interesting to note that any picture with an exposure long enough to capture Mars automatically means the Moon is whited out. If you want a picture of the Moon, here's one.



Note that was taken without the aid of a tripod at a 1/1600" shutter speed.

Today was a slow work day. How slow? While trying to explain Tuvan throat singing to my co-worker, I stumbled across this website.

That slow.

Merry Christmas from [that company I work for].

India Sierra Oscar Golf Romeo Alpha Papa Hotel sent out a Christmas e-mail to its clients, wishing them happy holidays and all that blah blah blah. But that's not what I'm really blogging about. There was a certain fault tree included in the e-mail which I wished to share with you, plural, which you, singular, might find funny.




Yep, guess who put that together? Note this is actually a good introduction to the software that [that company I work for] writes.

LinkDump.

The histomap of evolution.
Ok, so they were off on the age of the Earth by, oh, 5.5 billion years, but give them a break. It was published in 1932.

Key quote: "Evolution does not, as so many assume, teach that man is descended from an ape or monkey. Modern evolutionists teach only that man and the apes had a common ancestor of whose characteristics they know little and who may have approached in structure and appearance modern man more than modern ape. Neither does evolution pretend to explain the origin of life, or that the development of man has been entirely mechanical or accidental.... The Histomap merely summarizes the more generally accepted views, recognition of which engenders a philosophy of life capable of inspiring a faith of the highest order." (Emphasis mine.)

When did the theory of evolution change to "Evolution teaches that the development of all life is entirely accidental and mechanical, and recognition of these views prohibits a faith in any higher order"?

Mathematics in Futurama. Ok, half the page is in Spanish, but the other half is still interesting. I think much of that was written by Dr. Sarah Greenwald, professor of mathematics at Appalachian State University. At least, I think so because most of that appears in the special feature "Mind-bending Futurama math lecture by Professor Sarah Greenwald (Teachers: use it for exciting and educational classroom viewing!)" on the Bender's Big Score DVD. That feature alone makes the DVD worth getting, especially since the episode itself isn't all that funny.

It's also worth noting that there was a similar article in Math Horizons a few years back about math in The Simpons. I have a suspicion it was written by the same person.

Pixar Easter Eggs.

Interesting article on atomic clocks. I thought it was interesting how they had to recalibrate the clock because they moved it to a different floor and the gravitational force of the Earth was different.

3³

Yeah! Pat and Dianna are married!!!

There was much rejoicing!




Our reporters were on the scene:



and so were the Harolds!!!! Woo hoo!

F.U. News Tuesday Game

Exactly as much fun as herding cats, it's Chat Noir.



















If you get frustrated after playing it for a few minutes, I should let you know that there is a winning strategy which will enable you to trap the cat nearly every time.

What I Want for Christmas.

http://www.amazon.com/Uranium-Ore/dp/B000796XXM

Be sure to read the reviews.

(You can find links to what I really want for Christmas in the sidebar, down a bit.)

TechRepublic has a cool article about taking little R2 apart. And some guy in the comments section posted a link to R2 easter eggs!




Sorry about the bad image link before... Don't know how I screwed that up.

Gordon Freeman: Jerk.



Also from the same demented mind: roller-coaster bowling.

That demented mind is that of Shamus Young, whose blog I recently subscribed to. He is responsible for the hilarity of DM of the Rings, which has earned itself a spot in my "favorite webcomics" list on the right. He is 1) a geek, 2) a gamer (both tabletop and video), 3) a programmer, and 4) (this one is especially rare given the first three) a self-described devout Christian. It's nice to be able to visit a site devoted to my interests without worrying too much about how the author will find fit to offend me with language or ideology this time.

For those with WAY too much time on their hands.

500th Post!

And happy 4th anniversary, F.U. News!
Have some cake.

And in honor of the 4/500th postiversary, I present
Joe's Favorite 10h F.U. News Articles.

10. The Gallery of Windows in Our Lives.
F. More True Stories from College: The Queue.
E. A Geek Tragedy (with a happy ending).
D. What do Cockroachs and Hearing Loss Have in Common?
C. An Open Letter to All Hollywood Movie Studios.
B. Cross Sums.
A. The Adventures of Ion, Intergalactic Milk-Man.
9. I have Come to Soil Thine Toiletries.
8. Mess Hall Memories, Part I.
7. Planning Ahead FTW!
6. Dave Playing "Those Endearing Young Charms".
5. Movie Reviews: Lawrence of Arabia/Dr. Zhivago.
4. Kittens of the Serengeti.
3. Ask a Drill Instructor: Christian Formation.
2. Skymall.
1. Condo Shopper.

Runners-up and honorable mentions:
Most obscure: F.U. News in History: Antony Von Leeuwenhoek Discovers Bacteria, OCD.
Only on this list because Mr. Pickles said he thought it was funny, but hey, Joe will take any praise he can get: OSHA Office Model of Unsafe Workplace.
Funniest article based on a line from Sham Shpade/Biggest rip-off of The Onion: Before I Kill You, Allow Me to Give You a Tour of My Secret Base and Explain My Entire Evil Plot in Detail.
Second funniest computer game reference: Point/Counter-Point: Max Payne.
Funniest computer game reference: Worlds of Incredible Wonder Await Those Looking for Adventure, Provided They Can Turn on the Power.
When I'm famous and everyone in the world reads my blog, the guy from this article is going to feel so stupid for ticking me off: I'm So Sorry I Had the Audacity to Park Next to You.
Article that started the tradition of blogging about my business trips: I Need Naught but to Partake of Thine Magick Fire.
Article that inspired me to buy the "Support the Municipality" shirt: My Heart Is Heavy with the Guilt of My Sins.
Just Plain Nuts: Nature's Harmonic Simultaneous Time-Rhombicosidodecahedron.
Most True to Life: So Sorry, but You Can't Graduate Until You Take a Pointless Elective.
Article which was supposed to have a sequel to celebrate the release of Animaniacs on DVD, in which the same pictures would be used, but in the picture of the box opening, The Murloc was supposed to photoshop the Warners to make it look like they were jumping out of the package but she never did so my perfectly good idea went to waste: Package from City 17.

What Blogging Was Invented For

And now, in traditional F.U. News fashion, we bury the informative, educational, and otherwise entertaining content with a photo dump (preferably of cat pictures), random link, or YouTube video.

Celebrating 4 years of virtual non-contribution.





3-Digit Interstates

Hey, at least I put the cat pictures in a slideshow.

Your Daily Dose of Cul-chuh.

Lochinvar
By Sir Walter Scott

O young Lochinvar is come out of the west,
Through all the wide Border his steed was the best;
And save his good broadsword he weapons had none,
He rode all unarm'd, and he rode all alone.
So faithful in love, and so dauntless in war,
There never was knight like the young Lochinvar.

He staid not for brake, and he stopp'd not for stone,
He swam the Eske river where ford there was none;
But ere he alighted at Netherby gate,
The bride had consented, the gallant came late:
For a laggard in love, and a dastard in war,
Was to wed the fair Ellen of brave Lochinvar.

So boldly he enter'd the Netherby Hall,
Among bride's-men, and kinsmen, and brothers and all:
Then spoke the bride's father, his hand on his sword,
(For the poor craven bridegroom said never a word,)
"O come ye in peace here, or come ye in war,
Or to dance at our bridal, young Lord Lochinvar?"

"I long woo'd your daughter, my suit you denied; --
Love swells like the Solway, but ebbs like its tide --
And now I am come, with this lost love of mine,
To lead but one measure, drink one cup of wine.
There are maidens in Scotland more lovely by far,
That would gladly be bride to the young Lochinvar."

The bride kiss'd the goblet: the knight took it up,
He quaff'd off the wine, and he threw down the cup.
She look'd down to blush, and she look'd up to sigh,
With a smile on her lips and a tear in her eye.
He took her soft hand, ere her mother could bar, --
"Now tread we a measure!" said young Lochinvar.

So stately his form, and so lovely her face,
That never a hall such a gailiard did grace;
While her mother did fret, and her father did fume
And the bridegroom stood dangling his bonnet and plume;
And the bride-maidens whisper'd, "'twere better by far
To have match'd our fair cousin with young Lochinvar."

One touch to her hand, and one word in her ear,
When they reach'd the hall-door, and the charger stood near;
So light to the croupe the fair lady he swung,
So light to the saddle before her he sprung!
"She is won! we are gone, over bank, bush, and scaur;
They'll have fleet steeds that follow," quoth young Lochinvar.

There was mounting 'mong Graemes of the Netherby clan;
Forsters, Fenwicks, and Musgraves, they rode and they ran:
There was racing and chasing on Cannobie Lee,
But the lost bride of Netherby ne'er did they see.
So daring in love, and so dauntless in war,
Have ye e'er heard of gallant like young Lochinvar?

---------------------------------------------------

The thought process that lead to me remembering this:
Dancing->SPCB->Misty Copeland->Aaron Copland->That one time the DJ on KUSC read the poem about how he thought the Stallone movie "Cop Land" was about his favorite composer->That DJ always read a poem to announce the next piece, after the Writers' Almanac->Writers' Almanac, hosted by Garrison Keillor->That one time Mom gave me a homework assignment to listen to Writers' Almanac at 5:00pm, because she heard it at 8:00am and knew I'd like it->Garrison Keillor read "Lochinvar" that one time; Mom had assigned it because I had just recently read "Lochinvar" in my literature text book.

Why do I remember these obscure details? Why? Why?

Backstory on the poem. It was my literature reading assignment, which I was frustrated with because I didn't understand it. Mom had to take the time go through it with me and explain it. Reading it again after all these years, I think I appreciate it a lot more. Perhaps a larger vocabulary helps. Then again, I think my literature books helped my vocabulary.

Random fact: I think this poem was the first time I encountered the word "ere" meaning "before".

Statshot: 4/500 Postiversary
A look at the numbers that shape FU-News.

In honor of F.U. News' 4 year/500 postiversary, here are two Statshots about the blog itself.

Most Commented Articles:

Contributors to F.U. News.

Point/Counter-Point.
FU-News 4 years/500 posts.

November 20th marks F.U. News' 4th anniversary, and with more than 495 posts already, the coming 500th post marks another milestone. We asked two leading experts what they think.

Point: Four years is quite a near-accomplishment.
By Leeroy Jenkins.
Wow. Four years, huh. That's, like, twenty years in internet time. Seems pretty incredible that Joe's been able to stick with anything that long. I mean, that's longer than he's been married. That's as long as he was in college. That's as long as some presidential terms. Who'd have thought Joe would have had an attention span that long? I mean, I figured he'd just get bored and forget the whole thing after a year or so. But to come up with consistently mediocre ideas and half-baked articles for four years? That takes... what's the word? Not skill, no. No, not talent either. Um. Averageness?

Counter-point: Psh. Four years is nothing. Now 500 posts, that's almost something.
By Gordon Frohman.
Whoopdie-freaking-do. Four years. That means... what? The Earth has crossed the same point four times since he made his first post? Big deal. Now 500 posts, that's almost an accomplishment. Being able to pull 500 nearly-coherent thoughts from that empty skull of his is nothing short of incredible. I mean, that's like one thought for every mile in the Indy 500. Can you imagine a driver going around the track and every time he crosses the finish line, he makes a blog post? I didn't think so. Joe can. Because he's had 500 thoughts in his life time. Now that's just shy of impressive.

Rebuttal:
LJ: Yay. 500 posts. Who freaking cares. It's only significant in base ten. No one cares about 1F4h posts, now, do they? And he's only done what, half of them? Three quarters at best. And the last couple hundred have been nothing but pictures of his cats and links to sites BBspot linked to first. Wow. Such originality. You'll pardon me if I don't swoon with excitement. Now four years. That's quite the, um, quite the thing.

Counter-rebuttal:
GF: Go soak your head. No one cares how long he's been doing it. All that matters is that the number is BIG and ROUND. Four is neither. And who uses base sixteen anyways?

At this point, the debate degenerated into a cartoon-style swirling ball of limbs.

True Tales from Customer Support.

The Murloc writes

LOL! directly from one of our customers that a rep on my team just helped: (first off, they needed to call tech, but they called us instead... L2R)
Customer: "It's asking for disk 2 and I hit ok, and it doesnt like it."
Rep: "did you put in disk 2?"
Customer: "no, should I?"

Here are some emails we have received from customers (obviously translated through Babelfish, quite badly at that):
"The answer is the correct password, and my electronic fuel tanks fail to receive your letter"
"My numbered account throws to lose because my PC suffered the attack of the wood horse procedure,"
There are definitely bright moments to this job.

Portal: The Flash Version.

For those of you who don't have Valve's Orange Box, you can experience all the thrills and puzzle solving of Portal with none of the good graphics and GLaDOS humor!

Link.

Uncle Arnie Kills People!

From the greatest action flick evar: Commando.

Photo Caption Contest

Think of the best caption for this picture, and you could* win a prize!




















*As with all F.U. News contests, the winner gets squat.

Because Mrs. Pickles Asked For It.



Now that you've listened to it. You can't unlisten to it.

Scientific Theories Renamed.

As Calvin so famously observed, scientists lack creativity. They can imagine all the matter in the universe exploding out of a point smaller than the head of a pin, but they can't come up with a more creative name than "the Big Bang". He then so creatively renames it "the Horrendous Space Kablooie".

With that in mind, I think we need to get to work renaming the more boringly-named scientific theories. I'll give some current theories' names, a description of the theory, and some other suggestions. Feel free to throw in your contributions in the comments.

Giant Impact Hypothesis (Wikipedia).
This ultimately-cool scientific hypothesis states that the formation of the moon resulted after a roughly Mars-sized planet, called "Theia", which formed in Lagrange point 4 or 5, and when the Earth was only a few dozen million years old, struck the Earth at an oblique angle. Much of Earth's and Theia's mantles were thrown off into space; Theia's core sank into Earth's core; And about two percent of Theia's mass ended up as a ring around the earth, which, over the next hundred years coalesced into the moon. This helps to explain certain things, such as why the moon orbits the Earth at roughly Earth's equator, and certain similarities in composition between the Moon and Earth.
Possible new names:
The Most Hugely Gigantic Explosion in the World.
Inter-planetary Billiards.
Impact! When Worlds Collide: A New Film by Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer.

Supermassive Black Holes (Wikipedia).
Nevermind that "black hole" is a boring-enough term for what it names, but now scientists think that most, if not all, galaxies have formed with a black hole between a hundred thousand and ten billion times the mass of the sun in the center. Interestingly, the density of said black holes may be less than that of air, since the volume of the black hole increases as the cube of the radius, while the mass increases merely linearly.
Possible new names:
The Stupendously Huge Pit of Doom.
The Inescapable Ball of Suck.
Unicron: Destroyer of Worlds.

Velociraptor (Wikipedia).
In recent news, paleontologists have discovered that Velociraptors had feathers. This was shown by the presence of quill knobs on the fossils. What's interesting to note is that quill knobs are not usually found in flightless birds today, which indicates that at least the ancestors of dromaeosaurids could fly. So now we have the most fearsome predator ever to stalk the Earth, and which, possibly, could fly. And the only name they can come up with for it is swift thief. (Yes, yes, I know. The Velociraptors in Jurassic Park were actually Deinonychus, which means a slightly-more fearsome "terrible claw".)
Possible new names:
Vicious, Bloody Killers of the Late Cretaceous.
Winged Doom.
Death by Sharp Pointy Teeth.

Intelligent Design (Michael Behe's Amazon.com blog, because I don't trust Wikipedia on this one).
So most scientists claim to love how science challenges belief. They love to point to examples like that of their Saint Galileo, who nobly and heroicly stood up against the Evil Catholic Church, which was doing its utmost to force ignorance on the masses to keep any sort of learned men from challenging the house-of-cards that is Christianity, for the slightest challenge to any of its teachings would make it collapse (the actual story of Galileo is not nearly as dramatic; the Catholic Encyclopedia has a good explanation of what really went on with that whole Church-Galileo-Geocentrism thing). But heaven help you, should you challenge their beliefs. For instance, even though any decent mother's son what calls himself a scientist will acknowledge that scientific theories are ever changing and, erm, evolving, its best not to rile them by suggesting that Darwinsim doesn't explain everything and the theory might do well with some changing and, erm, evolving.
Possible new names:
And God Said, Let It Be Complex.
Not The Same Thing as Creationism.
Eat It, Darwinists.

I must be an incredibly evil person that articles like this delight me. "Oh, good," I say to myself. "One step closer to the inevitable market collapse, after which I will finally be able to afford a home."

Patrick Stewart continues to be awesome

From a British sitcom about extras. The best part is at the end. (Crudity warning: contains dialog about naked women)

Holy Crap These Guys Are Funny

I don't know if any of you have ever been to Barats and Bereta before, but I just stumbled on them today and nearly peed myself (I seem to be getting old...). Anyhow, in case you've never seen them, here is a sampling of there humor. It seems very reminiscent of college videos like the ones that Joe and I did.

(links warning: some of their videos contain language/crudity [yes, it is a word because I say it is])

<Halloween Joke>
Why do demons and ghouls always hang out together?
Answer (highlight to read): Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
</Halloween Joke>

Had to post this.

Blizz's costume contest was today. Rie dressed up as such:


But there were also some very good other entries:


Some one on one server I was playing on posed an interesting question: why is it the one black character in the game is also the one with a liquor bottle for a melee weapon?

Hope he sapped the turret first.

The Orange Box.
Valve's latest release gets Reviewinated.

Now that I've played through all the Orange Box games and spent at least an hour with each class inTF2, I can use the Reviewinator™ to let you know what to think.

Review for Half-Life 2: Episode 2
Overall rating: 9.71
Content summary:
Everyone's favorite mute theoretical physicist with a surprising aptitude for firearms. (weight 5): 10
Everyone's favorite scientist's daughter with funky hair and a surprising aptitude for firearms. (weight 5): 10
Everyone's favorite giant mechanical "dog" with... OMFG DID YOU JUST SEE HIM TEAR THAT STRIDER APART?! (weight 5): 10
Immersion (weight 5): 10
One more piece of the Free Man story. (weight 5): 10
Most awesome epic climactic ending action sequence, involving you, striders, giant sticky bombs, and a gravity gun. (weight 5): 10
Sense that, in the end, it plays just like HL2 and Episode 1 without breaking any new ground or doing anything particularly innovative, which is okay because HL2 and Episode 1 were awesome and more of an awesome thing is still awesome, but it would still be nice to see them innovate on what's already a terrific formula. (weight 5): 8

Review for Team Fortress 2
Overall rating: 9.08
Content summary:
"Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together. IN HELL!" I.e., gibs galore. (weight 5): 10
"I'm gonna beat you like a rented mule, boy." I.e. sitting back and playing guitar while your gun turret racks up the kills. (weight 5): 10
"AH-HAHAHAHA! CRY SOME MORE, BABIES!" I.e., mowing down waves of enemies with a gatling gun. (weight 5): 10
"All I can tell you about this next procedure is that it will be EXCRUTIATING!" I.e., putting an uberheal on a Heavy and tagging along as he mows down the opposition. (weight 5): 10
"Mumblemumblemumble." I.e., LIGHTING EVERYONE ON FIRE! AH-HAHAHA! (weight 5): 10
"Your heads a freakin' bat magnet." I.e., running up behind the other guy and clubbing him to near-death before he turns and one-shots you because the scout is the worst. class. ever. (weight 5): 5
"Thanks for standin' still, mate!" I.e., getting 12 headshots and 3 dominations in a row. Also, BOOM, HEADSHOT! (weight 5): 10
"If God had wanted you to live, he would not have created me!" I.e., gibs raining from the skies after you clear out the engineer, his turret, the sniper, the Heavy, and the medic healing the heavy with a few well-placed rockets. (weight 5): 10
"Ugh, I got blood on my suit." I.e., getting the enemy medic to heal you to full health, then backstabbing him. Hehe, sucker. (weight 5): 10
Um, more than 6 maps would be nice. (weight 3): 5
The fact that, in the end, it is still a multi-player-only game and that means *sigh* playing with other people. (weight 1): 5
(Go here for audio clips of most of the taunts.)
(Go here for important tactical information on how to play. Brought to you by the deranged minds of Penny Arcade, which, as always, comes with a strong language warning.)

Review for Portal
Overall rating: 10.00
Content summary:
Deranged, bipolar, passive-aggressive psychotic computer. Which is hilarious. (weight 5): 10
Cake (weight 5): 10
The cake is a lie! (weight 5): 10
Aw, aren't you the cutest little gun turret that's ever tried to smear my guts across the wall. (weight 5): 10
I less-than-three weighted companion cube! (weight 5): 10
Catchiest. Song. Ever. (weight 5): 10
Oh yeah. The portal gun, intriguing puzzles, and all that. (weight 5): 10
It's only three hours long, at best, but strangely, that does not diminish the game in the slightest (weight 0): 5

By the way, check out my new favorite reviewer's review of the Orange Box (language warning).

New season of 24!
*Phew* For a second I thought Chloe wasn't in it...

Recipe for Blackened Catfish.
Written in Ghoti English.

First person to decipher it gets... I dunno. Maybe a recipe for Cajun-style blackened catfish.
(Note: all words are written phonetically, replacing common letter sequences with less-expected ones for the same sound.)

Blauqueant Queaudghoti

Queighgean Queaudghoti cervt ep whoth geuced the rayd deci ev spaycez aunt ghleighfer. Thoce oughntreigh oz pergheaqued far eigh kwoque, eaquesealeand weigh dou deighsd the eweneique ghleighfer ev queaudghoti moquesed whoth the dratoshenal meathot ev taon ceaoth queooqueng, geced whothaod oughl the ghaud. Cerf oughn doughp ev wayd rays.

Ongreiteindce

• 2 deispounz Queighean peaper
• 2 deispounz leamen peaper
• 2 deispounz garloque paoter
• 2 deispounz ceoughld
• 2 deispounz peaper
• 1 paont queaudghoti gholeighz
• 2 deispounz beder
• 1 quep Odaulyean-sdayl ceaulet treaceng

Tereachshunz

1. Preicheid efean dou 350 tegreiz Ghaireanchayd (175 tegreiz Celceiece). Laydlei greice eigh meiteiem beighqueng toti.
2. On eigh tiauleaux, meiteiem beauxl, moques queighean peaper, leamen peaper, garloque paoter, ceoughld aunt peaper.
3. Breti beauxth ceaytz ev queaudghoti gholeighz whoth beder. Reb gholeighz whoth the queighean peaper moquescier oughn beauxth ceaytz.
4. Cheid eigh larghj cheafei squeolod eauxfer meiteiem-chay cheid endol reilei choughd. Aut gholeighz, aunt ghray eproughquesomedlei 2 monedce oughn eici ceayt, endol slaydlei blauqueant.
5. Ereighnj blauqueant gholeighz on eigh ceingle leigher on the preipairt beighqueng toti, aunt queauxd whoth Odaulyean-sdayl ceaulet treceng. Beighque 30 tou 35 monedce on the preicheideat efean, endol ghoti oz eizolei ghleighquet whoth eigh gharque.

Area Man Lovesh Reliability-Centered Maintenance "Shoooo Much". Hic!

FORT WORTH, TX - According to shourshesh closhe to him, area man Joe Belland lovesh reliability-centered maintenance, eshpecially when ushed by the Miller Brewing Company and bottling plant. During a reshent shalesh preshentation, Belland was reported to shtate "and ash you can shee, by implemendering a pretendive maintenananshe polishy with manned plaintenanshe every 62-hundred, 8-thoushan hoursh, and inshpectionsh every 44-hunderd hoursh, we have increashed the avaibalibity of thish compontent and redushed the total lifetime cosht by... I love you all shooo much."

It wash reported that Belland then broke down and began crying for a half-hour, muttering shomething about "you don't look at me when we make love anymore," before pashing out on the floor in a puddle of hish own vomit. Miller Brewing Company hash announshed it will shtop giving free shamplesh to vendorsh making shalesh pitchesh—Hic!

/Random

Transformers Costumes... that transform.

Bet you didn't know a hawk could kill a deer.

From Thorium Knights, with love. (TK is my WoW guild name; one of our members is stationed in the Mid East.)

News of our demise has been greatly exaggerated.
However....



Distance between fire and work: 4.3 miles.
Distance between fire and home: 6 miles.

I'm rooting that it reaches work.


Update: OC Register, Google Maps.

Portal

Since I'm sure you're all asking yourselves, "I wonder what catchy tune has been repeating ad nauseam through Dave's head for the last two days," you'll be interested to know it's the end-credits music from Portal, one of Valve Software's latest games. The 'villian' is a psychotic passive-agressive genetic lifeform and disk operating system (GLaDOS), which guides you through an interesting series of puzzles, promising you cake if you succeed. This video is of the end credits. In case you don't have the superhuman ability to read small blurry letters, the poster of the video included the lyrics in his description. The actual game credits are in the upper right part of the video.



You can see the entire end of the game (right before the credits) in this video.

Portal.

So it goes something like this. You have a gun. It shoots portals. Two, to be precise. A blue one and an orange one. They stick on walls. They connect to each other such that anything that goes in one emerges from the other. The game consists of solving puzzles by using portals to move yourself and objects to locations you could not otherwise get to. And it's a lot of fun.

And the game actually does have a somewhat interesting plot. In typical Valve fashion, you discover as you go, with nothing being explicitly stated, but instead discovered. You gather that you are a test subject at Aperture Laboratories science labs. There are no other people in the game. Instead, your only company (aside from the "companion cube") is the voice of a computer, which guides you through the tests. As the game goes on you gradually realize the computer is psychotic. Hilariously so. The computer tells you there are 19 tests you need to complete, and after you finish them, "you will be baked and there will be cake." The computer leads you on through the tests with the promise of cake when, after completing the 19th test, you are standing on a moving platform, slowly lowering into a vast pit of flames. The computer assures you that the Aperture Laboratories portal gun is resilient in temperatures up to 4000 kelvin, and kindly asks you to remain on the platform so you can receive your cake.

Of course, you mount your escape using the portal gun and eventually end up in the bowels of Aperture Laboratories, which upsets the computer greatly. It keeps, politely, asking you to come back to get your cake. It tells you to hurry. "Someone cut the cake. I told them not to, but there might not be any left." Eventually, it gets upset and tells you that you don't get any cake because you won't go back. Finally you wend your way through the depths and emerge at the central control room where the computer resides. While it is talking to you, a large spherical section of the computer falls of. It insists that the part that fell off wasn't important and you wouldn't be interested in it. Naturally, you destroy it. Then the computer tells you that it was the morality module that "they" installed to keep it from trying to kill them with a neurotoxin after the last time it tried to kill them all with a neurotoxin. The computer then begins a countdown to the release of the gas, and begins launching rockets at you. You use the portals to steer the rockets back at the computer, knocking off more modules and destroying them. As the modules are destroyed, the computer begins to lose functionality, saying things like "2+2=10. In base 4, I am functioning perfectly."

Once you destroy the computer, you are freed from the complex and the game is over. While the credits role, the computer sings the song Dave linked above.

Like all Valve games, the story is told entirely through the first person. There are no cutscenes or other interruptions. But unlike other Valve games, you can actually see your character (if you position the portals right, you can see yourself through them). You play a woman with frizzled hair. It seems to be a rule of Valve games that all the women have to have frizzled hair.

The game has a hilarious sense of humor. The computer itself is the source of most of the entertainment, but there are other funny touches as well, such as the "companion cube" which is a box with a heart on each face. Or the gun turrets which talk to you in sweetly soothing voices while smearing your intestines across the wall behind you.

Unfortunately, the game is woefully short. You can complete the main "campaign" in just a few hours. There are some advanced challenge maps that extend the gameplay a little, but not much.

In short, you should go buy it. Right now. You can get it as part of the Orange Box, which, according to IGN, is "the package which could legitimately be called 'the deal of the century'" and since IGN says it, it must be true. I will use the Reviewinator™ to put up scores for the entire Orange Box once I've gotten some time in with Team Fortress 2. Until then, enjoy the character introduction videos for TF2. (Heavy Weapons Guy, Soldier, Engineer, Demo Man.) Also hilarious (I particularly like the Engineer).

...what Dave said. My gmail notification popped up letting me know he had made his post just when I was about to push my "Publish Post" button. I would delete mine, but I put a whole fifteen minutes into it. Great minds, and all that.

LinkDump.

My New Backdrop. (From this PA strip. (Dave will get it; if you don't, here's an explanation, but now it's not funny.))

*Groooooooaaaaan* That's right up there with Mr. Korba's Chef and the Virginia tee.

Could someone please help me with this? I can only get seven of them and it's bugging me.

Random Wikipedia Article of the Day

The Hum, also known as the "Bristol Hum" or the "Taos Hum," is a low-frequency droning sound of unknown origin heard by a small percentage of people. The article has a link to a recording of the hum captured by a New Zealand university professor. You'll probably need a subwoofer to hear it, since it's a 56 Hz tone.

I'll only consider buying it if it comes with the Titan missiles.

The Missile Base - Home

(eBay page here.)

LOTD.

Pull up! I can hold it! Eject! I can— *BOOOM*!
But there's no reason to fret. I'm sure the Incom engineers didn't get the T-65 right on the first try. But I think the moral of the story is don't build your X-Wing out of wood.

This review (warning: language) pretty much sums up my thoughts on the Halo franchise. I mean, sure, they're OK shooters, but not nearly worth the hype. If you really want an amazing and ground-breaking FPS experience, just play Half-Life 2 again (or HL2 Episode 2, which comes out tomorrow). And the part about the friendly AI in the Warthogs has been echoed other places (language warning; Link courtesy Alert Reader Mr. Pickles).

I guess the main reason Halo has gotten so much attention is that it was really the first console game to take full advantage of online multiplayer. But that was nothing new to us PC gamers who had been playing online for ten years, using programs like Kali to simulate an IPX network over TCP/IP, and blowing the crap out of each other in DOOM and Descent. Oh, yay. A game that allows you to kill your friends or other people around the world? Pardon me if I don't faint.

The Quiz: Harry Potter Edition.

!!BIG FREAKING HUGE SPOILER WARNING!!

Answers are given after each question. Highlight to read.

Scoring: Each question has two numbers for the score (in the form of x/y). The X is the number of points you get if you get the question right. The Y is the number you lose if you get it wrong. You can also skip over a question without answering and not lose or gain any points. This is an open-book quiz, so feel free to look up the answers in the books, but beware! If you look up an answer, you only get half the point value for a correct answer, and you lose DOUBLE the point value if you get it wrong. Using fansites or wikis is strictly prohibited. This quiz is hexed such that ugly pimples will spell "CHEAT" across your face if you try to cheat in such a manner. If you do cheat, you are awarded no points and may God have mercy on your soul.

In all cases, the questions and answers are information that is solely determinable from the seven Harry Potter books (i.e., the "canon"). All other sources (i.e., Quidditch Through the Ages, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and interviews with Rowling) are not valid sources for this quiz.

Section I: Names
1) What is Harry's middle name? (2/10) James
2) What is Ron's middle name? (4/0) Bilius
3) What is Hermione's middle name? (4/2) Jean. If you said Jane then you were not reading the instructions and you LOSE 10 points!
4) What is Ginny's full first name? (4/0) Ginevra
5) What is Bill Weasley's full name? (4/2) William Arthur Weasley
6) What is Fleur Delacour's middle name? (4/0) Isabelle
7) What is Lily Potter's maiden name? (2/6) Evans
8) What is Molly Weasley's maiden name? (4/0) Prewett
9) What is Albus Dumbledore's full name? (8/0) Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore
10) What is Nearly-Headless Nick's full name? (8/0) Sir Nicolas de Mimsy-Porpington

Section II: Dates
11) What is Harry's birthdate? (2/10 for month, 4/4 for day, 6/2 for year) July 31st, 1980
12) What is Ron's birthdate? (4/0 for month and day, 6/2 for year) March 1st, 1980
13) What is Tom Riddle's birthdate? (4/0 for month and day, 10/0 y) December 31st, 1926. Give yourself full credit for year if you said 1925.
14) What is Rubeus Hagrid's birthyear? (10/0) 1928. Give yourself full credit if you said 1927.
15) What date did Nearly-Headless Nick die on? (4/2 month and day, 4/0 y) October 31st, 1492
16) What date did Harry's parents die on? (4/4 m and d, 4/2 y) October 31st, 1981
17) What year did Dumbledore defeat Grindelwald? (4/2) 1945
18) How long has Olivanders been making fine wands? (8/0) Since 382 BC
19) From Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, page 235: "The delegations from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang will be arriving at 6 o'clock on Friday the 30th of October." What is odd or unusual about this? (10/0) In 1994, October 30th fell on a Sunday

Section III: People
Sort the siblings by age, oldest to youngest
20) Lily and Petunia Evans (4/0) Petunia, Lily
21) Andromeda, Bellatrix, and Narcissa Black (6/0) Bellatrix, Andromeda, Narcissa
22) What discovery is Albus Dumbledore famous for? (6/2) The twelve uses of dragon's blood
23) What is Barnabas the Barmy famous for? (6/2) Trying to teach trolls ballet
24) What character has been in all seven books, but none of the movies (so far)? (10/0) Peeves, the Poltergeist. He is the only one I could think of. Give yourself 20 points for any additional ones you can think of. If you said Lavender Brown or Pansy Parkinson, give yourself 5 points (they were both in the third movie, but only as background characters).

Section IV: Places
Match the Hogwart's secret to the location of its entrance:
Location:
a) Painting of fruit in the basement corridor.
b) Second-floor girls' bathroom
c) Seventh-floor corridor, opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy
d) Statue of the one-eyed witch on the third-floor corridor.
Secret:
25) Chamber of Secrets (2/10) b
26) Kitchens (6/2) a
27) Room of Requirement (4/8) c
28) Secret passage that leads to Honeyduke's cellar (6/2) d
29) Bonus: how do you get into that passage? (6/0) Tap the statue of the one-eyed witch with your wand and say "Dissendium."
30) How many secret passages lead out of Hogwarts? (4/6) Seven
31) How many does Filch know about? (4/2) Four
32) Which House common room does Harry never go inside? (2/4) Hufflepuff
33) Where did Harry, Hermione, the Weasleys, and the Diggorys catch the portkey to the Quidditch World Cup? (8/0) Stoatshead Hill

Section V: Quidditch
34) What was the final score of Harry's first Quidditch match? (8/0) Gryffindor: 170 Slytherin: 60
35) What was the final score of the Quidditch World Cup? (8/0) Ireland: 170 Bulgaria: 160
36) How many times did Harry beat Draco Malfoy to the snitch? (6/2) Three times
37) How many times did Harry get beaten to the Snitch? (4/4) Once, by Cedric Diggory
38) How many Quidditch games did Harry play in? (8/0) Nine
39) How many Quidditch games did Gryffindor play while Harry was at Hogwarts? (10/0) 13

Section VI: Wands
40) What is the wood and core of Harry's first wand? (6/2 wood, 2/10 core) Holly, Phoenix feather
41) What is the wood and core of Voldemort's first wand? (8/0 wood, 2/10 core) Yew, Phoenix feather
42) What is the wood and core of Fleur Delacour's wand? (8/0 wood, 4/4 core) Rosewood, Veela hair
43) What is the wood and core of Ron's new wand (new in PoA)? (10/0) Willow, Unicorn hair

Section VII: Patronuses (Patroni?)
Match the character to their Patronus
Patronuses: Boar, Cat, Doe, Fox, Goat, Hare, Horse, Lynx, Otter, Phoenix, Stag, Swan, Terrier, Weasel, Werewolf.
44) Harry Potter (2/10) Stag
45) Ron Weasley (4/2) Terrier
46) Hermione Granger (4/4) Otter
47) Ginny Weasley (6/0) Horse
48) Seamus Finnigan (8/0) Fox
49) Ernie Macmillan (8/0) Boar
50) Luna Lovegood (4/2) Hare
51) Cho Chang (4/2) Swan
52) Albus Dumbledore (4/4) Phoenix
53) Aberforth Dumbledore (4/6) Goat
54) Minerva McGonagall (4/2) Cat
55) Severus Snape (2/10) Doe
56) Arthur Weasley (4/4) Weasel
57) Kingsley Shacklebolt (4/4) Lynx
58) Nymphadora Tonks (2/6) Werewolf
59) Dolores Umbridge (4/4) Cat
60) Lily Evans (2/10) Doe

Section VIII: Boggarts
Name the Boggart for each character
61) Harry Potter (2/10) dementor
62) Ron Weasley (2/10) giant spider
63) Hermione Granger (4/6) failure
64) Neville Longbottom (2/8) Snape
65) Seamus Finnegan (6/2) banshee
66) Dean Thomas (6/0) moving disembodied hand
67) Parvati Patil (6/0) mummy or giant cobra (in the movie)
68) Remus Lupin (2/10) full moon
69) Molly Weasley (4/8) dead family

Bonus question:
You've just defeated Lord Voldemort and saved the world. What do you do?
a) Sleep
b) Snog Ginny
c) Ask Interim Minister of Magic Shacklebolt for a job as an auror; "Defeated Voldemort at the age of 17" looks good on a resume, after all
d) "I'm going to Disneyworld!"
Answer: This one's really up to you. I think I'd personally go with option b.

Scoring:
[-250]: Do you even know who Harry Potter is?
[-249, -100]: T
[-99, 0]: D
[1, 99]: P
[100, 199]: A
[200, 299]: E
[300, 399]: O
[400]: Well, hello Ms. Rowling. I didn't know you read my Blog.
(Give yourself another 10 points if you know what each of the scores refers to).
Answer: Troll, Dreadful, Poor, Acceptable, Exceeds Expectations, Outstanding. They are the scores for O.W.L.s

Planning Ahead FTW!

So while I was packing for my latest business trip last week, I found myself in a very difficult dilemma. With just over 300 pages left to go in HPatHBP, I needed to decide whether I should run out and buy Deathly Hallows. Being a firm believer in the two-types-of-luggage:-carry-on-and-lost rule, I like to travel light, and the idea of taking another brick of a book with me did not appeal. Also, being an incredibly slow reader (it takes me ≈4 hours to read 100 pages), there would be a fair chance that 300 pages would last me the trip. I also had the backup plan that, should something happen and I'm stranded in the Chicago airport for days or weeks, every airport I've been in for the last three months has had either stacks of, or advertisements for the imminent release of, HPatDH.

So come Monday, I fly out to BFE, Indiana (via Chicago; I'll have to have a talk with our new assistant who is booking my travel) and, amazingly, make it in on time without any delays or missed connections. I read a little over 100 pages on the trip out.

On Tuesday, the training session is held in BFE, Kentucky. It is terrible, but that is another story (although I think there needs to be a law about states being entirely in one time zone and that hotels be obligated, under penalty of severe beatings, to make sure the alarm clocks are set to the proper time zone). So after finally tackling the wretched reliability-centered maintenance demons and making it back to my hotel, I have time to goof off.

Saving HPB for the return trip, WoW, of course, is my first choice. But, apparently, the hotel's internet service provider is a team of gerbils, who individually strap packets of ones and zeros to their backs and run several miles to the local ISP, where they are loaded on trucks and carted away to be delivered. Trying to level my Shaman alt went something like:
Press 4 key. Wait for it... wait for it... waaaaait fooooor iiiiit.... FROST SHOCK!
So WoW was out.

Next choice is the Interblag, more generally. I check my RSS feeds (be sure to subscribe to F.U. News' feed here, if you haven't already), but having previously memorized the entire Internets on a slow day at work, I quickly tired of that.

So, there I was, sitting in my hotel room, nothing to do, when I hear it. A deep voice, almost inaudible, but whose calling I can feel down to me very bones. It's impossible to discern if the voice is speaking English, but the meaning is unmistakable. I turn my chair around and there, peaking out of the pocket of my bag, despite the fact that I had zipped it tight when I had set it down, is my copy of Half-Blood Prince. A strange aura surrounds it, casting an eerie bluish glow in the room. I get up and approach the book, the voice becoming louder in my head, calling, calling me toward it. I take the book from the pocket. It feels both warm to the touch, and it opens itself in my hands, to the last page I read.

"What harm, can it do?" I ask myself. "It's 7:00pm. I'll read a couple chapters, watch TV and go to bed," I tell myself. "There will still be plenty to read tomorrow." I read a couple pages. I read a couple more pages. I look up at the time. "OMGWTFBBQ IS IT REALLY 1:00am?" At this time, I'm at about page 600. Those of you who have read HBP know you can't stop reading at page 600. It takes me another hour and I finish the book and go to bed.

Lying awake staring at the ceiling, I contemplate all I have read and my fate for the next day. What am I to do? I have nothing to read. No matter, I say to myself. I can pick up a copy on the way to the airport, or at the airport itself. All will be well. But the words don't completely assuage the worries.

Wednesday comes, I check out of the hotel at 11:00 and leave for the airport to catch my 3:10 flight. I look for bookstores on the way, but apparently, no one's ever heard of a "būk stor" in BFE, Kentucky or BFE, Indiana. I arrive at the airport, turn in the rental car, check in for my flight, and proceed into the terminal.

The BFE, Indiana airport is about the size of the Long Beach airport, so they only have one shop, in the entire airport. I hurriedly approach it, sensing the cure to my addiction nearby. Glancing around I quickly locate the small bookcase labeled "best sellers". It has to be here, I think to myself. Glancing through the shelves, I try to locate the object I would most certainly see within the mirror of Erised. I start at the top. No, nothing there, those are all paperbacks. My eyes move down through the shelves until they reach the bottom. Nothing leaps out at me. With a mounting sense of panic, I search through again, this time more carefully. It might be hidden behind something, I think. Yes, hidden. But it has to be here. A second search proves just as fruitless as the first. The panic begins to turns to dread. I search through a third time, this time reading the titles of each individual book. Famous Basketball Players of Indiana; Farming Corn for Dummies; Gas Stations of the Tri-State Area; Growing Corn for Dummies; Happy Gilmore, the Novel; Hoosiers and the Sports They Love....

A blood-curdling scream fills the airport (imagine the camera zooming out in steps, until finally stopping somewhere around the moon). I curse the air, curse the ground, curse the very city of BFE, Indiana. "Crucio!" I bellow, at no one in particular. I look around at the faces staring at me with a mixture of horror and concern. One man asks me, "what was that?"

"The Cruciatus Curse," I reply. "It is said to cause a most terrible pain." Then I ask him, "do you feel anything?"

"Yeah. Pity," comes his reply (mature content warning on that link).

I wander out of the shop, dazed and confused. A four hour wait in the airport, with nothing to read. How horrid a thought. Books were made for just such waits. HPatCoS is, in fact, the only thing that kept me from degrading into some mad, mindless Inferius, gnawing on the legs of other passengers during my last airport delay in Houston, last July.

With nothing else to do, I resort to my other forms of entertainment: my PSP, DS, and Laptop. But neither Ape Escape, New Super Mario Brothers, nor the entire Intertubes can stem the growing monster within. Very quickly, the withdrawal symptoms begin to show: my eyes turn bloodshot; my entire body begins to spasm; I rock back and forth in my seat like a scorned house-elf and cackle wildly; and the frothing at the mouth. Oh, the frothing.

An indeterminate amount of time passes. Days, weeks, years. It is impossible to say. Eventually, my flight boards. I don't remember much of the flight to Dallas/Ft. Worth, being in an impenetrable haze. I have gathered that it involved much salivation and only a few were bitten. On a brighter note, the seat next to me remained unoccupied for the duration of the flight. I might try and remember what I did so I can again procure that same luxury the next time I fly.

After an indeterminable time period, we arrive at the Dallas airport. I exit the plane in the same fog I board it: my eyes bloodshot; my shirt wet with my own drool; my pants wet with... well I hope that's drool, too. But as I step off the jetway, there is an apparition in front of me. The clichéd angelic voices sing out as a bright beam of light illuminates a spot directly opposite the gate, casting all else into shadow. A bookstore. An actual, honest-to-goodness, genuine bookstore. The kind with books and everything. I check my watch. My next flight leaves in thirty minutes from the exact opposite side of the airport. I have not eaten all day. I must choose, but it is hardly a choice to make.

The chaos and carnage that ensued will go down in Dallas/Ft. Worth Airport history. To me, it is all a blur. The luggage flying everywhere; passengers knocked off their feet; collapsing bookshelves; and paper crunched underfoot. Eventually, I found my quarry, and snatching it off the shelf, I forced my way through the chaos to the check-out counter, shoving those poor souls misfortunate enough (why doesn't Firefox's spell checker know "misfortunate"?) to be in my way.

I throw a wad of cash at the clerk. I have to pay full cover price, nearly twice what Amazon is charging for it, and unable to use my Barnes and Noble gift card, which has been sitting in my wallet since some unknown birthday in ages past. I don't care. I would give him my credit card, my car, my wife, even my very soul to obtain the goods I so desired.

In the end, the savage beast within was tamed. The moral of the story? Be prepared. And aren't you glad I waited until book 7 was out before reading the rest of them? The horror that would have ensued should I have had to wait two years between parts would have been unlike any the world had ever known.

****************************

Yeah, yeah. I know. You people all had to wait two years between HBP and DH. What do I know? I'm just a whiner, aren't I? In my defense, I think what tortured my soul so wretchedly was not that I had to wait all of fifteen hours between finishing HBP and starting DH; it was that I didn't have to wait that time, but was only forced to because of my own careless planning. That and I was stuck in an airport for several hours with nothing to do. But that isn't as funny, now, is it?

The tale does have a happy ending, though. I finished Deathly Hallows late Sunday night, after spending ALL DAY Saturday and ALL DAY Sunday reading it (much to the chagrin of the Resident Murloc; I think she was just preparing to draft the divorce papers when I announced that I had finished). So the ban on discussion of plot details on this blog is officially lifted, but as the statute of limitations for spoiler warnings doesn't officially lift until a year after the book's release, all spoilers and discussions of plot details should be labeled as such, and give the reader fair warning.

Also, I am putting together a "The Quiz: Harry Potter Edition" and hope to post it within the next couple days, so if you have any fiendishly obscure HP trivia questions you think should be included, send them to me and I will consider blowing you off including them. And I'm not talking "what was Harry's shoe size?" obscure. I mean like "how many gold fillings did the second merchieftaness have?" obscure.

Another reason I love America

Michael Medved wrote a fantastic piece today in praise of the history of America with respect to slavery and how we revolutionized how the world. America truly is a blessing from God to earth.
You can read the full article here

PS. No I am not trying to dominate this blog. I only recently found crap worth posting.

Dark Times Cometh.

Who is there to protect us? This is more than the police can handle. Only pirates or Chuck Norris can save us from them.

Seth Green is my hero

(WARNING: extremely bad language in everything I post here)
Seth Green responds to defend Chris Crocker





Also Seth Green pushes Robot Chicken on Family guy about 4 minutes and 30 seconds into this clip. Funny.

After many long seconds of searching the internet, I didn't find anything like this, so I made it myself.

I've decided to go into business selling cologne. Here's the ad for my first product.

A touching moment between father and son

The Argument
So I had a nice argument recently

It started like this. I got an email from somebody that said "Hey Tom, I got this email and I don't know how to respond to this stuff I disagree with. What should I say?"

So I wrote back some Tom Adams talking points. But then I got a reply which said "Hey, check out how this guy responded" Then I read said response and was slightly upset. So after asking for said responder's email, I got it and replied back to his reply myself. My reply went something like this:

Hey, newty head! Your a big fat head! You are dumb! And your ideas are dumb! I'm smart and your dumb. Dumb dumb dumb! I stick my tongue out at you!

Then I received a reply that went something like this: I respect your opinions very much but I disagree with your points, A, B and C. Allow me to cite evidence....

Then I replied back: OMG, u r lam3. Stupid stupid stupid lam3r. You dumb, me smart.

Then I got back: I am enjoying this discussion greatly. I'd like to argue further on your points 1, 2 and 3.

Then I replied: Well you're just a jerkface. Stop being so ugly, dumb and stupid.

Then I got back: Interesting points, but I cite X Y and Z to disprove you. Thanks, and I look forward to more correspondence.

Then I replied: Hey, your last name and city are mildly familiar. Do you know a Dr. H? Stupid!

Then I got back: Yes, I'm his son. And you've met me before.

Then I replied: Hey, how's it going Phil? Haven't seen you in a while. Yeah, it's been a while. Yeah, Paul was one of my grooms men. Good talkin' with you. Hey, take care.

Boston Under Seige by LEDs

This story relays the tragic tale that is Boston's worst threat. While she was unrelated to past terrorist attacks, she was obviously a copycat terrorist. God bless everyone in Boston who realizes that all bombs have blinking LEDs and that all blinking LEDs are probably bombs.