The Orange Box.
Valve's latest release gets Reviewinated.

Now that I've played through all the Orange Box games and spent at least an hour with each class inTF2, I can use the Reviewinator™ to let you know what to think.

Review for Half-Life 2: Episode 2
Overall rating: 9.71
Content summary:
Everyone's favorite mute theoretical physicist with a surprising aptitude for firearms. (weight 5): 10
Everyone's favorite scientist's daughter with funky hair and a surprising aptitude for firearms. (weight 5): 10
Everyone's favorite giant mechanical "dog" with... OMFG DID YOU JUST SEE HIM TEAR THAT STRIDER APART?! (weight 5): 10
Immersion (weight 5): 10
One more piece of the Free Man story. (weight 5): 10
Most awesome epic climactic ending action sequence, involving you, striders, giant sticky bombs, and a gravity gun. (weight 5): 10
Sense that, in the end, it plays just like HL2 and Episode 1 without breaking any new ground or doing anything particularly innovative, which is okay because HL2 and Episode 1 were awesome and more of an awesome thing is still awesome, but it would still be nice to see them innovate on what's already a terrific formula. (weight 5): 8

Review for Team Fortress 2
Overall rating: 9.08
Content summary:
"Oh, they're gonna have to glue you back together. IN HELL!" I.e., gibs galore. (weight 5): 10
"I'm gonna beat you like a rented mule, boy." I.e. sitting back and playing guitar while your gun turret racks up the kills. (weight 5): 10
"AH-HAHAHAHA! CRY SOME MORE, BABIES!" I.e., mowing down waves of enemies with a gatling gun. (weight 5): 10
"All I can tell you about this next procedure is that it will be EXCRUTIATING!" I.e., putting an uberheal on a Heavy and tagging along as he mows down the opposition. (weight 5): 10
"Mumblemumblemumble." I.e., LIGHTING EVERYONE ON FIRE! AH-HAHAHA! (weight 5): 10
"Your heads a freakin' bat magnet." I.e., running up behind the other guy and clubbing him to near-death before he turns and one-shots you because the scout is the worst. class. ever. (weight 5): 5
"Thanks for standin' still, mate!" I.e., getting 12 headshots and 3 dominations in a row. Also, BOOM, HEADSHOT! (weight 5): 10
"If God had wanted you to live, he would not have created me!" I.e., gibs raining from the skies after you clear out the engineer, his turret, the sniper, the Heavy, and the medic healing the heavy with a few well-placed rockets. (weight 5): 10
"Ugh, I got blood on my suit." I.e., getting the enemy medic to heal you to full health, then backstabbing him. Hehe, sucker. (weight 5): 10
Um, more than 6 maps would be nice. (weight 3): 5
The fact that, in the end, it is still a multi-player-only game and that means *sigh* playing with other people. (weight 1): 5
(Go here for audio clips of most of the taunts.)
(Go here for important tactical information on how to play. Brought to you by the deranged minds of Penny Arcade, which, as always, comes with a strong language warning.)

Review for Portal
Overall rating: 10.00
Content summary:
Deranged, bipolar, passive-aggressive psychotic computer. Which is hilarious. (weight 5): 10
Cake (weight 5): 10
The cake is a lie! (weight 5): 10
Aw, aren't you the cutest little gun turret that's ever tried to smear my guts across the wall. (weight 5): 10
I less-than-three weighted companion cube! (weight 5): 10
Catchiest. Song. Ever. (weight 5): 10
Oh yeah. The portal gun, intriguing puzzles, and all that. (weight 5): 10
It's only three hours long, at best, but strangely, that does not diminish the game in the slightest (weight 0): 5

By the way, check out my new favorite reviewer's review of the Orange Box (language warning).

Portal

Since I'm sure you're all asking yourselves, "I wonder what catchy tune has been repeating ad nauseam through Dave's head for the last two days," you'll be interested to know it's the end-credits music from Portal, one of Valve Software's latest games. The 'villian' is a psychotic passive-agressive genetic lifeform and disk operating system (GLaDOS), which guides you through an interesting series of puzzles, promising you cake if you succeed. This video is of the end credits. In case you don't have the superhuman ability to read small blurry letters, the poster of the video included the lyrics in his description. The actual game credits are in the upper right part of the video.



You can see the entire end of the game (right before the credits) in this video.