Quick Takes - Denver Edition

Snow!

Wikipedia Fact of the Day

In mediaeval England a licence to crenellate (or licence to fortify) granted the holder permission to fortify their property. Such licences were granted by the king, and by the rulers of the counties palatine within their jurisdictions, i.e. by the Bishops of Durham, the Earls of Chester, and after 1351 by the Dukes of Lancaster.

Full article.

"License to Crenellate" is the name of my Mannheim Steamroller cover band*.

*For those not in the know, "X is the name of my Y cover band" has officially replaced Dave Barry's "[blank] would be an excellent name for a rock band" on the internet.

F.U. News Cage Match: Manly Men

The contenders:

The Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World.


The Old Spice Man Your Man could Smell Like.



Fight!



Round 1: Facial Hair.

The Old Spice Man has a mustache underneath his mustache.

The Most Interesting Man's organ donation card lists his beard.
AND
His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man's entire body.

Point goes to:
The Most Interesting Man in the World.



Round 2: Animals.

Did you know the Old Spice Man can ride a horse backwards?

Sharks have a week dedicated to The Most Interesting Man.
AND
Every time he goes for a swim, dolphins appear.

Point goes to:
The Most Interesting Man in the World.



Round 3: Cars.

The Most Interesting Man owns 3 sports cars and rents 5.

The Old Spice Man has won 1 or 12 medals for exotic car-throwing competitions.

Point goes to:
The Man Your Man could Smell Like.



Round 4: Scent.

The Old Spice Man sells cologne.

The Most Interesting Man's blood smells like cologne.

Point goes to:
The Most Interesting Man in the World.



Round 5: Internet Presence.

The Old Spice Man has a dedicated YouTube page which has all his commercials, and his video responses to fans' tweets. His official videos alone have over 204 million views on YouTube.

The Most Interesting Man's YouTube page has only a few of his commercials, with barely over half a million views. To find his commercials, you have to scour the internets.

Point goes to:
The Man Your Man could Smell Like.



Round 6: Google Fight.
Best two out of three

Fight 1: "Man your man could smell like" vs. "Most interesting man in the world"
28 million to 16 million, Most Interesting Man

Fight 2: "Having Isaiah Mustafa as my wingman will get me laid" vs. "Having Jonathan Goldsmith as my wingman will get me laid"
6,460 to 405, Old Spice Man

Fight 3: "9 out of 10 ladies prefer Old Spice" vs. "9 out of 10 ladies prefer Dos Equis"
1.8 million to 1.5 million, Old Spice Man

Point goes to:
The Man Your Man could Smell Like



Round 7: Coin toss


For this toss, a fair $50 American Buffalo 24-Karat gold coin from Random.org was used.

Old Spice Man is Indian heads, Most Interesting Man is buffalo (tails).

T-H-H-H-T-H-T

Point goes to:
The Most Interesting Man in the World.

That's right. He wins coin tosses even when he calls the wrong side.


The means the victor is....

The Most Interesting Man in the World!

Stay thirsty, my friends.

In the end, the Old Spice Man Your Man could Smell Like put up a good fight but really, how can you compete with a man who lives vicariously through himself?

Learn more about the Most Interesting Man in the World here.

Goodnight, Sleep Tight, Don't Let Order 66 bite

"What were you doing last night?" The Murloc asks me.

"Hm?"

"When I came into the room to give you a goodnight kiss?"

I give her a dear-in-the-headlights look.

"You were, like, flailing. I was just giving you a goodnight kiss."

"Oh! That. I have a good reason."

She cocks an eyebrow.

"I thought you were a clone trooper."

In my defense, she did wake me up, and all I could see was a strange dark shape looming above me. I was a little disturbed that a clone trooper would try to give me a goodnight kiss, but I also felt rather safe and reassured, knowing no battle droids would harm me while I slept.

I guess that's what happens when you read Star Wars novels before bed.

The Toy Fairy Exploded in Our Living Room.

The Culprit

F.U. News Cage Match: Actresses Named "Amy".

*Blows dust off blog.* I remember this place.

For no other reason than "because I must obey the inscrutable exhortations of my soul," I present the first F.U. News Cage Match to determine the best of something or other. In this fight, we have a showdown between actresses named "Amy."

The contenders:

Amy Adams

Notable Appearances: Enchanted, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, Julie & Julia, Leap Year.

Amy Acker

Notable Appearances: "Angel", "Alias", "Dollhouse"

Fight!

1st competition: Alphabetical listing.

"Amy Acker" alphabetically comes before "Amy Adams".

Point goes to: Amy Acker.

2nd competition: Appearances in the Joss-verse.

Amy Adams played Cousin Beth in the "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" episode "Family".

Amy Acker played Winifred Burkle in the 3rd through 5th seasons of "Angel", and Dr. Claire Saunders ("Whiskey") in "Dollhouse".

Point goes to: Amy Acker.

3rd competition: Appearance in a musical.

Amy Adams starred in the delightful musical Enchanted.

Amy Acker did not appear in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer: The Musical."

Point goes to: Amy Adams.

4th competition: Appearance in a Steven Spielberg movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio.

Amy Adams and Amy Acker both appeared in Catch Me If You Can, however Amy Acker has only a brief cameo, while Amy Adams has a significant role.

Point goes to: Amy Adams.

5th competition: Google Fight, best two out of three.

First fight: "Amy Acker" vs. "Amy Adams"

4,720,000 to 61,000, Adams

Second fight: "Amy Acker is teh hawt" vs. "Amy Adams is teh hawt"

16,800 to 250, Acker

Third fight: "Amy Acker has the smarts of a nuclear physicist" vs. "Amy Adams has the smarts of a nuclear physicist"

4520 to 2180, Adams

Point goes to: Amy Adams.

6th competition: Suitability to play Regina Burke in a movie version of Jack Flint: Space Pirate.

Amy Adams could play Regina Burke if she had brown hair.

Amy Acker could play Regina Burke if she had blue eyes.

Point goes to: Draw.

7th competition: The Twenty-Sided Die.

Amy Adams: 1-10

Amy Acker: 11-20

For this fight, a fair d20 from Wizards of the Coast's online dice roller was used.

Best of seven: 16, 3, 8, 15, 18, 20, 10.

Point goes to: Amy Acker.

Final result:

After a hard and brutal fight, our two leading ladies are evenly matched, 3-3. It looks like it's up to you, the loyal reader, to pick your favorite.

Along the lines of "me on the dating scene," here's a script for a movie in which I'm transported to an alternate universe. In this scene, I'm working closely with a beautiful and brilliant scientist, played by Amanda Tapping, to try and figure out how I can get home to warn the people in my universe about the coming Goa'uld invasion.

And before you ask, I have no idea where this came from, which is a statement that could be made about virtually every thought I've ever had.

*music plays in the backgound*

Me: "That's pretty music, what is it?"

Scientist: "Mozart's 64th symphony, if I'm not mistaken."

Me: "64th? That's not right. Mozart's 41st symphony was his last, written shortly before his death in 1791."

Scientist: "No, you're mistaken. He wrote 98 symphonies, before he finally died in 1836."

Me: "What? You mean Mozart didn't die young in this universe?"

Scientist: "No of course not. You mean he did in yours?"

Me: "Yes, at the age of 35."

Scientist: "You mean your Mozart never lived long enough to write his London symphonies? You mean you've never heard his greatest opera, 'The Little Emperor'?"

Me: "No! Where can I get a copy of these? I must listen to them?"

Scientist: "You can borrow my complete Mozart collection."

Me: "That's fantastic! New music by Mozart! This will be incredible! I'm not sure I want to go back to my universe now! Oh, if your Mozart lived longer, that means he would have lived long enough to have been influenced by Beethoven!"

Scientist: "Who?"

Me: "Don't tell me you've never heard of Ludwig von Beethoven. German composer? Eroica? Emperor Concerto? Pastoral symphony? Ode to Joy? Fidelio?"

Scientist: *blank stare*

Me: *look of shock and horror* "No! You damned dirty apes! Also, KAAAAAAAHN!"

This is when I break my glasses and am unable to spend the post-apocalyptic future reading, and it also turns out that the scientist cut her hair to buy me a silver chain for my pocket watch, which I sold to buy her a set of combs for her hair.

Topic for discussion: would you prefer to live in our universe, where Mozart died at the age of 35, but we have Beethoven, or would you rather live in the universe where Beethoven never existed, but Mozart lived until the age of 80, becoming a greater composer every year?

Also, the other universe is being invaded by the Goa'uld.

[Publisher's note: Area Man Joe Belland was taken to Happy Dale Sanitarium today, screaming obscenities and muttering "it explains everything!" and "it's the source of harmonic cubic wisdom!" He had burned most of his personal possessions, but found amongst the debris was the following diagram, simply labeled "Theory of Everything"]

Random Thought.

The Murloc's sister's husband's cousin caught a really big fish. So big, in fact, that it might be a world record.

We go to Ollie Williams for his in-depth report.


"That's one big fish!"

Thanks Ollie.

Apparently, I'm not the only one.

First, here is a recent post to the BBspot blog. The relevant part starts in the fourth paragraph. I found that very interesting when I read it, partially because I have the same problem, and partially because it's a common geek stereo type that is actually true in many cases (introversion).

It also reminded me of a blog posting by Mike "John Gabriel" Krahulik, the artist of Penny Arcade, in which he described his paralyzing anxiety (I'm too lazy to find the link; get it yourself). The solution given to him was anti-anxiety medication. The problem was he was too anxious about the medcine to take it, and delayed doing so for months.

Anyways, the gist of all this is that it inspired me to post this article that I wrote last March, but never posted:

::Begin Transmission::

Why do I have a fear of phones?

Ok, so I'm sitting here at my desk at work. I need to call my dentist to confirm my appointment, and to respond to the message they left me. There's just one problem: that word call.

For some reason, it would be easier for me to walk down to the parking lot, get in my car, and drive the three miles to my dentist so I could walk in the front door and ask the receptionist, face to face, what they needed to speak with me about.

I don't know why this is, but I have a fear of telephones. I have had it for a number of years, although I don't remember since when. I can remember not having it (when I was a small child), but the carefree days of my youth are long gone. Since I don't know why, I'll just go ahead and blame it on Dave and indulge a 15-year-old grudge, wherein Dave criticized me for saying "what?" a lot when I was talking to our baseball coach (who had a thick Spanish accent that was hard enough for me to understand in person) on the phone. "Don't say 'what', say 'pardon'," he said (That's when Dave was in his "criticism" phase). That probably has nothing to do with the real reason, but it's good enough for me.

This, of course, ends up being a problem when one of my primary job functions involves talking to people through the ominous onyx object sitting beside the monitor on my desk. I can handle it well enough when someone is calling me. Even though it's unpleasant, I just take a deep breath an buck up the courage. But when I have to call someone else, I tend to freeze up. If a client calls and leaves me a message, I normally check our database to see if we have his e-mail address. If we do, I will almost invariably reply via e-mail, even though this could be construed as poor customer support (a telephone message deserves a telephone reply, after all).

When it comes to my home phone, I very frequently don't answer it, if I don't want to (which is all the time). One time (at band camp) Christine called while I was eating dinner and, logically, I didn't answer it. She later called to chew me out for not taking her call (The Murloc told her I was home). Also, when The Murloc got home, she also chewed me out for not taking the call. (Me: "I was eating dinner." Murloc: "But what if it was me, calling in an emergency." Me (a day later, because of my wonderful debate skills, which allow me to think up the utterly perfect, logical, and irrefutable retort the next day): "That's why I was listening for the answering machine.") That exchange actually inspired this blog post.

The Internet, for me, is a godsend. The sheer volume of information I can get from it without having to talk to anyone is wonderful. I can shut myself out of the world and still operate. I don't know what I would have done, had I been born 15 years earlier. And, oddly enough, if the Internet fails me, I'll usually just go without the information rather than ask a person what I want to know.

There was a Pearls Before Swine comic strip from a few years ago, where Rat is making a list of the best improvements in technology. His list was something like "Fax machines, so I don't have to talk to people at the post office. ATMs, so I don't have to talk to bank tellers...." Goat pointed out how anti-social he was being and Rat made some brilliant witty retort which I have since forgotten (just try to imagine it; you'll really laugh). I realized (again, some time after reading the strip), that Rat was describing my perfect world. One where I interact only with machines, never with people.

I'm not sure why I prefer machine interaction so heavily to people-interaction (I have been known to wait in line at the ticket machine at movie theaters, even when there's no line for the box office). I usually tell myself that it's because I know the machine doesn't judge me. It won't laugh at me or look at me like I'm stupid if I make a mistake. It just happily trudges along, doing exactly what it's told. There's something reassuring in that predictability. People are an Unkown. You don't know, when walking up to a stranger, if they're going to be nice or rude. I always have to be on my guard.

Maybe this is why virtually all of my social interaction is through a computer. Most of my current friends were made from the safety of the big glowing box. Sure, there are still the risks of people laughing at me, but at least those people never see me. I can hide behind the anonymity (crudity warning) of the Internet. Now I've met a number of my friends from the game in real life, and yes, I do get anxious when meeting them for reals. Oddly, I'm perfectly comfortable interacting with them in a game, but when we have a get-together? Oh noes!

It's also interesting to note that I play as an antisocialite too. I avoid groups with people I don't know whenever possible. In quests where you have to kill a unique named mob, and someone else is waiting to kill it, I would rather wait for them to kill it, let the mob respawn, then kill it myself, instead of asking the person for a group. If Nev is in a group with me, and wants me to invite someone in the area to our group, I will almost always pass group control to her, so she can invite them.

It's interesting to note that I make friends in game as the same way as in real life. That is, through someone else. I think it was my senior year in college, where I counted how many friends I had at school that I had made independently (without an introduction from someone else). I think the number I arrived at was 2. Yep, that's right. Two. Of all the dozens of friends (many of whom were close) I did meet, only two were me going up to that person and saying "hi". (Of course, Tom was one, and he introduced me to most of my other good friends at school.) Now The Murloc has that role. All of the friends I have now were made through her. I suppose this might be how most people operate, making most of their friends through another friend, but I'll bet, though, if you graphed what percentage of a person's friends were made independently versus the extroversion of that person, what you would get would be a perfect correlation between introversion/extroversion and percentage of independent friends.

"But Joe," I hear you saying. "You don't seem the anxious type. You're always such fun to be around and are always the life of the party." I then hear you fall apart, laughing, because you just can't say that last part with a straight face. It's true, though. One thing I've learned while being an introvert is how not to act like an introvert. Sure, I can put on a fake smile and pretend to enjoy myself when at an event with people I hardly know. I've become quite good at it. But deep down, the urge to just run never really goes away.

I'd better stop here before I gradually shift onto another topic again. I could keep this up for pages, talking about my insecurities. I guess it's important to remember I am (at least I think I am) a normal, well-adjusted person. And as much as I always feel like I'm about to have a panic attack, I never actually have had one, so I must be stronger than I give myself credit for. (But if I'm acknowledging that, how can it be more than I give credit for?) Either that, or I'm just a big whiner, complaining about how much I hate social interaction, but without a real psychological phobia to back it up.

Anyways, I think I've accomplished the goal of this post, which was to find a way to delay calling my dentist for another couple hours.

::End transmission::

I realized since writing this, that there are several other ways me telephonophobia has affected me. One is that I rely on the Murloc significantly to take care of things for me. Some examples: my car is overdue for an oil change because I need her to make an appointment to take it in for me; after The Roommate moved out, we continued to pay for cable service for three TVs for about six months because I couldn't call Cox to ask them to discontinue one of the lines, and needed her to do it for me; one of the reasons that I'm wearing glasses which are 8+ years old, and several powers to weak, is that I can't find an optometrist (not that I'm looking and can't find any; I can't bring myself to look). I don't rely on her to do these things for me because I'm lazy; I rely on her because I would honestly rather pay for an extra cable box, drive on squeaky brakes, and squint at my computer all day than talk to someone on the phone.

I've always (read: for the last five minutes) thought it would be funny/interesting if someone made a romantic comedy about someone like me trying to get into the modern dating scene. I don't know how most of the movie would go, but one of the early scenes might go something like this. (The setup is that I'm in a bar trying to get a date, when I strike up a conversation with a cute girl.)

Cute girl: "Who's your favorite band?"
Me: "Oh, that's a tough question. So many good ones to choose from. I mean, the London Symphony Orchestra has a special place in my heart, but that's mainly because they recorded all six Star Wars soundtracks*. I also like the Academy of St. Martin in the Fields, but I don't know that they're my favorite. I might only say that because, as the most recorded chamber orchestra in the world*, they're who I hear the most. There's also the Los Angeles Master Chorale. The pastor at my old parish knows the conductor*...."
Cute girl (giving odd look): "No, I mean who's your favorite band."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Cute girl: "Y'know. Like what band is your favorite?"
Me: "Oh, band. Probably the Hanover Band. I like how they use period instruments in their recordings*. Y'know, I have their complete collection of Beethoven's Symphonies, Fidelio overtures, and Missa Solemnis*. Really fantastic stuff...."
Cute girl: "No, I mean like. Your favorite musical group, with like, four members?"
Me: "Oh, wow. Limiting it to groups of four? Hm, let's see. That would probably have to be Anonymous Four then. They're seriously good at the medieval chant and such, but lately they've branched out into gospel and shape-note singing.... (Cute girl looks distracted). What's your favorite band?"
Cute girl: "Oh, I like Aerosmith."
~Five minutes later, same bar scene~
Another stock cute girl: "So, what's your favorite band?"
Me: "I like Aerosmith."
ASCG: "Really? Me too!"
~Alternate twist ending~
ASCG: "Oh, they're OK. I really like Anonymous Four.

From there it's a pretty generic chick flick. Boy meets Girl, and must win her affection. Girl doesn't realize that Boy is perfect for her and must overcome her personal tragedy, only to realize that Boy has been there for her all along, set against the backdrop of the North East blackout of 2003. Except it doesn't end with Boy jumping into bed with Girl at the first chance he gets. (Unless of course Girl is played by Natalie Portman, Keira Knightley, or Scarlett Johansson.)

*True facts.

LinkDump.

The histomap of evolution.
Ok, so they were off on the age of the Earth by, oh, 5.5 billion years, but give them a break. It was published in 1932.

Key quote: "Evolution does not, as so many assume, teach that man is descended from an ape or monkey. Modern evolutionists teach only that man and the apes had a common ancestor of whose characteristics they know little and who may have approached in structure and appearance modern man more than modern ape. Neither does evolution pretend to explain the origin of life, or that the development of man has been entirely mechanical or accidental.... The Histomap merely summarizes the more generally accepted views, recognition of which engenders a philosophy of life capable of inspiring a faith of the highest order." (Emphasis mine.)

When did the theory of evolution change to "Evolution teaches that the development of all life is entirely accidental and mechanical, and recognition of these views prohibits a faith in any higher order"?

Mathematics in Futurama. Ok, half the page is in Spanish, but the other half is still interesting. I think much of that was written by Dr. Sarah Greenwald, professor of mathematics at Appalachian State University. At least, I think so because most of that appears in the special feature "Mind-bending Futurama math lecture by Professor Sarah Greenwald (Teachers: use it for exciting and educational classroom viewing!)" on the Bender's Big Score DVD. That feature alone makes the DVD worth getting, especially since the episode itself isn't all that funny.

It's also worth noting that there was a similar article in Math Horizons a few years back about math in The Simpons. I have a suspicion it was written by the same person.

Pixar Easter Eggs.

Interesting article on atomic clocks. I thought it was interesting how they had to recalibrate the clock because they moved it to a different floor and the gravitational force of the Earth was different.

What Blogging Was Invented For

And now, in traditional F.U. News fashion, we bury the informative, educational, and otherwise entertaining content with a photo dump (preferably of cat pictures), random link, or YouTube video.

Celebrating 4 years of virtual non-contribution.





3-Digit Interstates

Hey, at least I put the cat pictures in a slideshow.

/Random

Transformers Costumes... that transform.

Bet you didn't know a hawk could kill a deer.

From Thorium Knights, with love. (TK is my WoW guild name; one of our members is stationed in the Mid East.)

Random Wikipedia Article of the Day

The Hum, also known as the "Bristol Hum" or the "Taos Hum," is a low-frequency droning sound of unknown origin heard by a small percentage of people. The article has a link to a recording of the hum captured by a New Zealand university professor. You'll probably need a subwoofer to hear it, since it's a 56 Hz tone.

The Quiz II.
Twice the obscurity, half the fun.

1. Tuppence, prudently, fruitfully, frugally invested in the, to be specific in the:
a) Dawes, Grubbs, Mousely, Tomes Fidelity Fiduciary Bank.
b) Dawes, Tomes, Mousely, Grubbs Fidelity Fiduciary Bank.
c) Grubbs, Tomes, Mousely, Dawes Fidelity Fiduciary Bank.
d) Law Offices of Hoongadunga, Hoongadunga, Hoongadunga, Windshield Wiper, and McCormick.

2. It's sort of an earthy, peaty smell:
a) With a hint of cinnamon.
b) With a dash of herbs.
c) With a touch of lilac.
d) With a bit of licorice.

3. Sir! The odds of successfully navigating an asteroid field are ______ to 1!
a) 1138
b) 7320
c) 2730
d) 3720

4. Too soon! You have awakened me too soon, Executus! What is the meaning of this intrusion?
a) The enemy, sire. They are at the gate!
b) These mortal infidels, my lord! They have invaded your sanctum, and seek to steal your secrets!
c) I fear that Kraven has made a deal with Lucian to unite the Lycans and destroy the vampires.
d) Just thought I'd come by and chat.

5. This is Aztec gold. One of _____ identical pieces they delivered in a stone chest to Cortez himself.
a) 882
b) 648
c) 314
d) 1138

6. East is east and west is west and if you take _____ and stew them like _____ it tastes much more like _____ than _____ does.
a) oranges, beef, grapes, turkey.
b) cranberries, applesauce, prunes, rhubarb.
c) carrots, gelatin, celery, parsley.
d) cucumbers, pickles, artichoke, cabbage.

7. I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I _____.
a) Float.
b) Flitter.
c) Fly.
d) *stabbed through chest*

Match the correct order.
8. It's everything you've always wanted in an action movie:
1: Special effects that make no sense.
2: Men who are not afraid to hold burning sticks of light.
3: A few new surprises.
4: A pointless love interest.
5: More ammunition than you can shake a stick at.
a) 5, 4, 1, 2, 3
b) 2, 1, 4, 5, 3
c) 4, 1, 5, 2, 3
d) 1, 5, 4, 2, 3

9. I saw something nasty in the ______.
a) Barn.
b) Woodshed.
c) Graveyard.
d) Newspaper.

10. My mind is a swirling miasma of scintillating thoughts and:
a) half-baked ideas.
b) interesting ideas.
c) twinkling ideas.
d) turgid ideas.

Bonus question: The key sequence that activates the flaw in the Pinnacle chip is:
a) "@[=g3,8d]\&fbb=-q]/hk%fg" followed by Delete.
b) &#*()a8#6[`;vDE(po4;=320*&91 followed by Delete.
c) *)#8%8920vjd{]230`'[L; followed by Delete.
d) 12345.

Answers:
1: b, 2: c, 3: d, 4: b, 5: a, 6: b, 7: d, 8: c, 9: b, 10: d, Bonus: a

Scoring:
<1: YOU LOSE! Good day, sir!
1-3: Whaddya think you are, dumb or sumthin'?
4-7: You ain't half bad. You ain't half good either.
8-10: Wow. Just, wow.
>10: Cheater. You cheated!

References:
1: Mary Poppins. 2: Star Trek: Deep Space 9. 3: The Empire Strikes Back. 4: World of Warcraft. 5: Pirates of the Caribbean. 6: Marx Brothers in Animal Crackers. 7: Serenity. 8: Kiosk^2. 9: Cold Comfort Farm. 10: Sam & Max Hit the Road. Bonus: Freakazoid.

The Quiz.

1: A jester's chief employment:
a) Is to make you laugh.
b) Is to make you cry.
c) Is to kill himself for your enjoyment.
d) Is to wear a stupid hat with funny bells.

2: There's a body in the ______.
a) Closet.
b) Window seat.
c) Attic.
d) Cemetery.

3: As long as I'm dreaming, I'd like a ______.
a) Million dollars.
b) Rolls-Royce.
c) Private jet.
d) Pony.

4: Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Pinky?
a) I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find an open tattoo parlor at this time of night?
b) I think so, Brain, but me and Pippy Longstocking? What would the children look like?
c) I think so, Brain, but where are we going to find rubber pants our size?
d) All of the above.

5: More DOTs! More DOTs!
a) Ok, stop DOTs.
b) Even more DOTs.
c) What the heck is a DOT?
d) I got feared into the whelps.

6: Leeeeeerooooy!
a) Siiiiiimoooooons!
b) Jeeeeeenkiiiiiiins!
c) Smiiiiiiiith!
d) Vangoeterhoffashön.

7: Poison.
a) Iocane powder.
b) In the kool-aid.
c) But I can feel it doing me good all the way down.
d) I've spent the last several years developing an immunity to Iocane.

8: Share the _____.
a) Loot.
b) Load.
c) Road.
d) Bananas.

9: A year from now, ten, they’ll swing back to the belief that they can make people… better. And I do not hold to that. So no more running. I aim to ______.
a) Kill.
b) Make a tidy profit on the stock market.
c) Obey the law, like a good upstanding citizen.
d) Misbehave.

10: Great shot, kid, that was one in ______.
a) A Thousand.
b) A Million.
c) 1138.
d) 3720.

--Bonus Question--
I want them alive. No disintegrations, Boba Fett.
a) Tough noogies. I do things my way.
b) Awwwww.
c) As you wish.
d) What Darth Vader didn't realize was that every time Boba Fett said "as you wish," he really meant "I love you."


Answers (highlight to read):
1: C, 2: B, 3: D, 4: D, 5: A, 6: B, 7: C, 8: B, 9: D, 10: B, Bonus: C or D.

Scoring:
<1: You lose! Good day, sir!
1-3: That is why you fail.
4-7: Is that the best you can conjure, Saruman?
8-10: When you left, you were but the learner. Now you are the master.
>10: You are the Pan.

References (for those that didn't get them, highlight to read):
1: The Court Jester. 2: Arsenic and Old Lace. 3: Calvin and Hobbes. 4: Pinky and the Brain. 5: World of Warcraft. 6: World of Warcraft. 7: The Box of Delights. 8: Return of the King. 9: Serenity. 10: Star Wars. Bonus: Star Wars, Princess Bride.