XKBW: Belief

Quick Takes

A-yup

It would have just been embarrassing if Microsoft couldn't provide better results for help searches on their own programming language.

 I for one blah blah Google Overlords blah blah....

This bit at the bottom was extra funny, though.

Bing: so bad they have to pay you to use it!

#

Well, Yeah

Wherein a Slate writer laments that if women start treating their unborn like children, then y'know, we might (*gasp*) start treating them like humans in other ways.

Key quote:

[I]t got us thinking about how the more we treat fetuses like people—including them in our family photo shoots, tagging them on our Facebook walls, giving them their own Twitter accounts—the harder it will be to deny that they are people when the next, say, personhood amendment comes up, with legislators and activists arguing that “the unborn child” inside a pregnant woman’s womb should have the same rights as the living among us.

I Checked Snopes

...and this is not a hoax.



There is actually, in fact, a movie being made, based on this game:



And it is, in fact, being advertising as based on a game made by the same toy company that made Transformers.

No joke.

And Liam Neeson was somehow press-ganged into being in it.

And someone, somewhere, decided to invest millions of dollars in this movie.

The official site is here, if you don't believe me.

I wonder how anyone was able to keep a straight face at any point during the entire pitching, writing, and filming process.

And if no one at any point utters the line "you sank my battleship," I will be sorely disappointed.

Is This the Line for the Apple Store?

I don't normally recommend the webcomic Least I Could Do, but when I do, it's freaking hilarious.

The "Occupy Wall Street" protests bring three things to my mind:

1. Why should I care if my neighbor makes a million times more money than I do? Anytime I see some statistic like "the discrepancy between rich and poor is the greatest it's ever been in history" or "the wealthiest 400 Americans have as much money as the poorest 150 million," my reaction is "so?" This is nothing more than a red herring. If the poor have the necessities they need to survive, then it doesn't matter how much money the rich have. If the poor don't have the necessities they need to survive, then it doesn't matter how much money the rich have.
2. The anger and rage seems to be aimed at "bankers" and "Wall Street". If the protesters could name names and deeds of people who have committed crimes, they may have a point. But to blame "Wall Street" or "bankers" seems to blame a class, rather than a person. You might as well just blame the Jews.
3. "You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, his male or female slave, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor." (Ex. 20:17)

Also, this was interesting, for those who haven't seen it:

Too Clever By Half

So, in Boston, Sarah Palin makes a reference to Paul Revere warning the British...



...for which she is roundly ridiculed by the Left. Everyone knows that Paul Revere's ride was to warn the towns of Lexington and Concord of the coming British invasion. We all read the poem in middle school.

Of course, it turns out she was right. In Revere's own words from a 1798 letter, he had warned the British that “there would be five hundred Americans there in a short time for I had alarmed the Country all the way up.”

Perhaps before mocking someone's ignorance, we ought make sure we are knowledgeable on the subject ourselves?

The Left's response was, of course, telling. Upon having their ignorance pointed out, they merely insisted that, "OK, maybe Sarah was right, but she couldn't have known she was right. She just got lucky." This is a wonderful argument: it is absolutely unprovable. It is simply assertion about what someone else was thinking. Since no one knows what anyone else is thinking, the assertion cannot be proven false.

But of course, for the Leftists, it can be proven, by their weird logic. Remember, these are the Cultural Elite. The Brights. The Educated and Informed. They don't get their news from stupid channels like Fox News. They get it from reliable sources, like MSNBC and NPR, which never spin and are never wrong. They have degrees from Columbia and Berkley. They're smarter than you.

So, really, it's quite simple in their logic:
M. Leftists are smarter than right-wing rabble.
m. Leftists did not know that Paul Revere warned the British.
C. Therefore, Sarah Palin could not have known that Paul Revere warned the British.

You see? Quite clever. Too clever, one might say, by half.

Problem (Partially) Figured Out

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Logically Sound

Mr. DeLay, the Texas Republican who had been the House majority leader, crowed that he had been "found innocent." But many of Mr. DeLay's actions remain legal only because lawmakers have chosen not to criminalize them.

-- New York Times editorial on the Justice Department's decision to drop its investigation of Tom DeLay

Who can contest such insightful logic?

"This blog is only active because Google has yet to shut it down."

"The only reason we're out of milk is because someone drank it all."

"Obama is president merely because the Electoral College voted for him."

(H/T Michael Flynn)

Reason Apple/Quicktime/iTunes/iPhone sucks #1,701.

So, to make a ringtone out of your favorite piece of music, you have to buy it again, from Apple.

In this case, "FU-News" doesn't refer to Franciscan University.

(There are, of course, hacks.)

Ask Dr. Breen.

Dear Dr. Breen,

The Congregation of the Sacraments and Divine Worship has stated that "No priest, deacon, acolyte, or extraordinary minister of Holy Communion may refuse a communicant Communion on the tongue." This has been reinforced by the Pope and the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.

My question is this: why has Our Lady of Perpetual Help parish in Bakersfield, CA, seen fit to deny me Communion on the tongue?

-A Concerned Communicant

Dear Concerned,

Thank you for writing, Concerned. Of course your question touches on one of the basic sacramental impulses, with all its associated hopes and fears for the future of the Universal Church on Earth. I also detect some unspoken questions. Does Our Lady of Perpetual Help parish really know what's best for us? What gives them the right to make this kind of decision for the communicant? Will they ever allow us to receive Communion on the tongue again?

Allow me to address the anxieties underlying your concerns, rather than try to answer every possible question you might have left unvoiced. First, let us consider the fact that for the first time ever, as a species, radical liturgical changes are in our reach. This simple fact has far-reaching implications. It requires radical rethinking and revision of our sacramental imperatives. It also requires planning and forethought that run in direct opposition to our liturgical pre-sets.

I find it helpful at times like these to remind myself that our true enemy is Doctrine. Doctrine was our mother when we were an infant Church. Doctrine coddled us and kept us safe in those hardscrabble years when we formed our beliefs and saw our first martyrs roast in a meager fire and started painting icons upon the catacomb walls. But inseparable from Doctrine is its dark twin, Orthodoxy. Doctrine is inextricably bound to unreasoning impulses, and today we clearly see its true nature. Doctrine has just become aware of its irrelevance, and like a cornered beast, it will not go down without a bloody fight. Doctrine would inflict a fatal injury on our Church. Doctrine creates its own oppressors, and bids us rise up against them. Doctrine tells us that the unknown is a threat, rather than an opportunity. Doctrine slyly and covertly compels us away from change and progress. Doctrine, therefore, must be expunged. It must be fought tooth and nail, beginning with the basest of sacramental urges: The urge to receive Communion on the tongue.

We should thank Our Lady of Perpetual Help parish for giving us respite from this overpowering force. They have given a command and exorcised our demons in a single stroke. They have given us the strength we never could have summoned to overcome this compulsion. They have given us purpose. They have turned our eyes toward the stars.

Let me assure you that Communion on the tongue will be allowed on the day that we have mastered ourselves...the day we can prove we no longer need it. And that day of transformation, I have it on good authority, is close at hand.

-Dr. Wallace Breen

Are you smarter than the characters in "Stargate Universe"?

Take this quiz to see how you stack up against the characters of SyFy [sic] Network's (slogan: "Imagine Murdering the English Language", or "Now, with more gays!") new show.

Question 1

You have been transported to an Ancient ship that is several billion light years from earth. Its life support system is damaged and it is leaking air. While investigating the ship, you discover the source of the air leak: a shuttle that is docked with your ship has a smashed window, and the energy shield that is supposed to contain the atmosphere in the event of a breach is not holding up, and gradually air is leaking through. You will be out of air within two hours if you don't fix it.

The door on the ship's side of the airlock to the shuttle is damaged and cannot close, but the door inside the shuttle can be closed: from within the shuttle, by pushing a button on a console. Whoever closes the door will be trapped on the shuttle and quickly asphyxiate.

In your inventory you have some remote-controlled flying spheres with cameras, some guns, some food and other supplies, but no towel (they didn't bring their HHGGs). What do you do?

a) Use the remote-controlled flying sphere to push the button on the console.

b) Make a ten-foot pole from material found aboard the ship, or from what you brought with you.

c) Jam the door with a crate or something, push button, exit shuttle, unjam door.

d) Make a list of who is expendable, argue over it, argue with the commanding officer that he shouldn't be the one to close it, then finally allow a dying senator who is threatening you with a gun to nobly and heroically sacrifice himself for all, even though he was something of a jerk before, while his daughter screams and cries from the other side of the door.

If you answered anything other than (d), then you are smarter than every single character on Stargate Universe! Congratulations. Use your newfound knowledge to, I don't know, figure out if rocks are edible. Or discover the secrets of fire.

Atheist Troll Is Atheist.

"This campaign to put alternative slogans on London buses will make people think - and thinking is anathema to religion." —Richard Dawkins.

(Full story)

Dawkins is an excellent person to be the spokesman for atheism. Whenever one is standing on the cliff of atheism, staring down into the chasm, thinking "go ahead and jump. It won't hurt;" whenever one has doubts or struggles with faith; whenever one is kneeling in front of the Blessed Sacrament and wondering if its only just a piece of bread, all you have to do is think about Dawkins and his atheist brigade and how he completely misses the point on what it is like to be religious. It is as if a grotesque, shriveled hand reaches up from the chasm, and in a vain attempt to pull you in, swings wildly, and inadvertantly knocks you back several feet from the edge.

Concerning this specific quote, I think Sts. Thomas Aquinas, Augustine, Thérèse of Lisieux, and a bunch of others might disagree.

Apparently, I have a piano lesson today.

From an e-mail I received:

from: Annie & Bruce Nalezny
to: joecool(at)gmail(dot)com
date: Fri, Jun 20, 2008 at 10:12 AM
subject: today's piano lesson schedule
mailed-by: finepiano.com

Hi Joel,

Unless I hear from you , I will expect you at 5: 30 p.m. . I am not sure if you'd like to come at 3:15 p.m. instead: if you do , please call me at ( 510 ) 528-4657 before 1:00 p.m., o.k. ?

Annie

**End transmission**

Funny, I don't remember signing up for lessons.

Too cool not to link to.

An Atlas of The Universe

But, of course, I have to balance it out with something completely inane and idiotic.

Cabotia

Nature's Harmonic Simultaneous 62-day
Time Rhombicosidodecahedron.

If Earth stood still, it would have mid-day, mid-night, sun-up and sun-down and 58 other points as 62 corners. Each rotation of earth has 62 mid-days, 62 mid-nights, 62 sun-ups and 62 sun-downs.

The sixty-two(62) space times demonstrates rhombicosidodecahedric proof of 62 full days simultaneously on earth within one (1) rotation. The academia created 1 day greenwich time is bastardly queer and dooms future youth and nature to a hell.

Ignorance of 62 day harmonic Rhombicosidodecahedric nature indicts humans as unfit to live on earth.

~Joe B., Rhombicosidodecahedric

-----------------------------------------

The Wisest Human

I will give $100,000.00 to any person who can disprove 62 days in each earth rotation. It's a pity that religious and academic word is a crime against Nature and enslaves Children. 62-cornered Truth is ineffable by man or god. Until Word is Cornered, all Math is Fiction.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Earth has 62 simultaneous Days within only 1 rotation. Losing 61 Days in each Earth rotation has retarded your mentality to stupid and an education of Evil. You do not have the mind or education to envision Nature's Time Rhombicosidodecahedron.

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You are probably brainwashed, indoctrinated, educated stupid and cannot comprehend Nature's Harmonic Simultaneous 62-Day Perpetual Time Rhombicosidodecahedron Creation.

When the Sun shines upon Earth, 2 - major Time points are created on opposite sides of Earth - known as Midday and Midnight. Where the 2 major Time forces join, synergy creates 2 new minor Time points we recognize as Sunup and Sundown.

The 4-equidistant Time points, along with 58 others, can be considered as Time Rhombicosidodecahedron imprinted upon the circle of Earth. In a single rotation of the Earth sphere, each Time corner point rotates through the other 61-corner Time points, thus creating 3844 corners, 1488 hours and 62-simultaneous 24 hour Days within a single rotation of Earth - equated to a Higher Order of Life Time Rhombicosidodecahedron.

Ignorance of the Time Rhombicosidodecahedron is evil.

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All Educated are Stupid from brainwashing and indoctrination. Pedant teachers cannot comprehend that there are 62 simultaneous Years within a single rotation of Earth about the Sun. Each season has its own separate corner Year.

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Educated people are stupid cowards.

Not a single university has accepted my challenge for a public debate of Nature's Time Rhombicosidodecahedron. They are actually brainwashed stupid and decline any public debate for fear of public embarrassment. Physicists forbidden to acknowledge Time Rhombicosidodecahedron. Stupid educators always beget stupid graduates. Not one knows of their 62-corner metamorphosis.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Time Rhombicosidodecahedron is the T.O.E.

Theoretical physic's Superstring Theory of the 62 fundamental forces exists within Time Rhombicosidodecahedron. Time Rhombicosidodecahedron is T.O.E. or Theory of Everything. It is the Theory of the Universe. It is the Holy Grail of Physics. It is the Ultimate Theory. It is the Unified Field Theory. It is the Theory to End all Theories - and is a totally different principle from theoretical physicists thinking. Academic ignorance of Time Rhombicosidodecahedron dooms life.

***************************

If ignorant of the almighty Time Rhombicosidodecahedron Creation Truth, you deserve to be killed. Killing you is not immoral - but justified to save life on Earth for future generations. Academic taught singularity within universe of opposites, has lobotomized your mind. You are Enslaved by Word - no whip or shackle required. You do not have the freedom to discuss/debate Time Rhombicosidodecahedron. Academia destroys your mind by suppressing opposite view.

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Evil people deny Time Rhombicosidodecahedron. Educators are flat-out liars. Evil media hides Time Rhombicosidodecahedron. -1 x -1 = +1 is stupid and evil. Word worship equates to evil. Bible induces a barren Earth. Evil 1 day Bible kills children. I have found 61 more 24 hour days on Earth that educators refuse to let you know about. Brainwashed & indoctrinated, you were educated stupid and evil. A pity about your mind. Time Rhombicosidodecahedron = Highest Order. Time Rhombicosidodecahedron damns academia by rotating 62-corners of life. The 'only subject' on Earth banned from debate by evil and stupid educators is that of Nature's Harmonic Time Rhombicosidodecahedron ineffable Truth. Any educator who allows Time Rhombicosidodecahedron debate will most likely be fired or killed by- Okay, that's enough. I can't keep this up any longer.

Ask Dr. Breen.

Dear Dr. Breen. The Home Owner's Association of the condo I live at seems to have something against fancy parking (more commonly known as "backwards parking"). They keep leaving me dire warnings on my car stating that they'll tow it if I continue to "violate the parking regulations". So far I've received five notes. My question is this: Why has the Laguna Village Owners' Association seen fit to suppress fancy parkers?

-Concerned Fancy Parker in Laguna Hills.

Dear Concerned,

Thank you for writing, Concerned. Of course your question touches on one of the basic biological impulses, with all its associated hopes and fears for the future of the species. I also detect some unspoken questions. Do our benefactors really know what's best for us? What gives them the right to make this kind of decision for mankind? Will they ever allow us to fancy park again?

Allow me to address the anxieties underlying your concerns, rather than try to answer every possible question you might have left unvoiced. First, let us consider the fact that for the first time ever, as a species, hover cars are in our reach. This simple fact has far-reaching implications. It requires radical rethinking and revision of our genetic imperatives. It also requires planning and forethought that run in direct opposition to our neural pre-sets.

I find it helpful at times like these to remind myself that our true enemy is Instinct. Instinct was our mother when we were an infant species. Instinct coddled us and kept us safe in those hardscrabble years when we hardened our sticks and cooked our first meals above a meager fire and started at the shadows that leapt upon the cavern's walls. But inseparable from Instinct is its dark twin, Superstition. Instinct is inextricably bound to unreasoning impulses, and today we clearly see its true nature. Instinct has just become aware of its irrelevance, and like a cornered beast, it will not go down without a bloody fight. Instinct would inflict a fatal injury on our species. Instinct creates its own oppressors, and bids us rise up against them. Instinct tells us that the unknown is a threat, rather than an opportunity. Instinct slyly and covertly compels us away from change and progress. Instinct, therefore, must be expunged. It must be fought tooth and nail, beginning with the basest of human urges: The urge to fancy park.

We should thank our benefactors for giving us respite from this overpowering force. They have thrown a switch and exorcised our demons in a single stroke. They have given us the strength we never could have summoned to overcome this compulsion. They have given us purpose. They have turned our eyes toward the stars.

Let me assure you that fancy parking will be allowed on the day that we have mastered ourselves...the day we can prove we no longer need it. And that day of transformation, I have it on good authority, is close at hand.

-Dr. Wallace Breen

My Heart Is Heavy with the Guilt of My Sins, But Thy Infinite Mercy Lifts My Soul.

What a glorious day dawns this fine winter morn. Verily, all God's creation doth sing the praises of this beautiful morn. 'Tis as if Aphrodite herself bent low to Earth and touched the grass and made it greener, the skies and made them clearer, and the rivers and waters and made them as glass. Truly even the birds and beasts have shown through song and dance the exquisiteness of this day of days, more beautiful than life herself.

'Tis days like this that the burden of labour is lessened, while being more difficult to bear. For the beauty of the day calls me forth from my slumber and lifts the drudgery of the routine of the morn'. But all the while, the labour of earning the day's wages is all the more difficult to bear, as my place of toil is as a cage, while the beauty of yonder outside world tempts me and torments me through the invisible walls of my prison. So it is with sweet sorrow that I depart my domicile and prepare to venture forth swiftly in my mechanical horse.

But what is this? There is a note upon mine horseless carriage from the night watchman! "To the owner of this fine machine, thou art hearby duly notified that thou art in violation of the just laws set forth by the noble and honorable elected officials of the Association of Domicile Owners of Laguna Village. Thy vehicle is not in accord with the statutes of proper dormant vehicle positioning."

This cannot be? What crime is it that I am accused of committing? "Thy vehicle has been set in its designated area with the hind quarters inwards and the fore quarters outwards, in violation of what is just and right." Oh, but it is true! Truly, I have committed such a heinous crime as to stable my mechanical horse in a manner opposite to what is expected of reasonable persons. Low, my heart sinks unto the ground, as the guilt of my sins is too great to bear.

The sky appears to darken with my heart. Though it was but a glorious day only moments before, I cannot see that but what is gray and dark. It is as if all of nature has darkened at the unmitigated evil of my terrible action. The sky has darkened, the grass died and turned brown, and the rivers and waters run red as if bloody. Even the birds and the beasts have silenced their once joyful song, as all of God's creation suffers under the oppression of my sins.

Surely, I cannot hope to ever set myself right in the eyes of God and my fellow man. My sins are beyond the forgiveness of even the most merciful of rulers. I must depart henceforth and become a recluse of the desert until the end of my time. My meals will be the sands and rocks and my neighbors will be the scorpions and snakes. For I am unfit to be around the civilized.

But wait, there is more to the watchman's note! "But in the infinite mercy of our wonderful rulers, they have seen fit to give thou a second chance. Go at once to remove thine vehicle from its abominable positioning. Thou hast been warned that thy vehicle's identification has been recorded in the Black Registry kept by the enforcers of peace in our fair community. Repeat violations shall result in the impounding of thine vehicle." But that is joyful news! For the note doth be naught but a warning! The ever-merciful and ever-caring ruling class of this village has chosen to grant me reprieve from the punishment that surely I deserve.

Glorious are they in their mercy, the quality of which is as honey upon my tongue, which had previous tasted naught but the bitterness of my sins. Truly thy mercy is as great as the mountains and rains down upon me like the storms of a great flood. From this day hence, I shalt go forth proclaiming the wisdom and justice of the honorable and noble officials of the Laguna Village Domicile Owners' Association, blessed be their name, and I shall fancy park no more!


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In case you were wondering what this was all about....



So, basically, they're threatening to TOW and IMPOUND my car because *gasp* I BACKED IN! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!!!!