So much for global warming, eh?
Showing posts with label G6. Show all posts
Showing posts with label G6. Show all posts
Monday, February 12, 2007
Friday, January 5, 2007
My Heart Is Heavy with the Guilt of My Sins, But Thy Infinite Mercy Lifts My Soul.
What a glorious day dawns this fine winter morn. Verily, all God's creation doth sing the praises of this beautiful morn. 'Tis as if Aphrodite herself bent low to Earth and touched the grass and made it greener, the skies and made them clearer, and the rivers and waters and made them as glass. Truly even the birds and beasts have shown through song and dance the exquisiteness of this day of days, more beautiful than life herself.
'Tis days like this that the burden of labour is lessened, while being more difficult to bear. For the beauty of the day calls me forth from my slumber and lifts the drudgery of the routine of the morn'. But all the while, the labour of earning the day's wages is all the more difficult to bear, as my place of toil is as a cage, while the beauty of yonder outside world tempts me and torments me through the invisible walls of my prison. So it is with sweet sorrow that I depart my domicile and prepare to venture forth swiftly in my mechanical horse.
But what is this? There is a note upon mine horseless carriage from the night watchman! "To the owner of this fine machine, thou art hearby duly notified that thou art in violation of the just laws set forth by the noble and honorable elected officials of the Association of Domicile Owners of Laguna Village. Thy vehicle is not in accord with the statutes of proper dormant vehicle positioning."
This cannot be? What crime is it that I am accused of committing? "Thy vehicle has been set in its designated area with the hind quarters inwards and the fore quarters outwards, in violation of what is just and right." Oh, but it is true! Truly, I have committed such a heinous crime as to stable my mechanical horse in a manner opposite to what is expected of reasonable persons. Low, my heart sinks unto the ground, as the guilt of my sins is too great to bear.
The sky appears to darken with my heart. Though it was but a glorious day only moments before, I cannot see that but what is gray and dark. It is as if all of nature has darkened at the unmitigated evil of my terrible action. The sky has darkened, the grass died and turned brown, and the rivers and waters run red as if bloody. Even the birds and the beasts have silenced their once joyful song, as all of God's creation suffers under the oppression of my sins.
Surely, I cannot hope to ever set myself right in the eyes of God and my fellow man. My sins are beyond the forgiveness of even the most merciful of rulers. I must depart henceforth and become a recluse of the desert until the end of my time. My meals will be the sands and rocks and my neighbors will be the scorpions and snakes. For I am unfit to be around the civilized.
But wait, there is more to the watchman's note! "But in the infinite mercy of our wonderful rulers, they have seen fit to give thou a second chance. Go at once to remove thine vehicle from its abominable positioning. Thou hast been warned that thy vehicle's identification has been recorded in the Black Registry kept by the enforcers of peace in our fair community. Repeat violations shall result in the impounding of thine vehicle." But that is joyful news! For the note doth be naught but a warning! The ever-merciful and ever-caring ruling class of this village has chosen to grant me reprieve from the punishment that surely I deserve.
Glorious are they in their mercy, the quality of which is as honey upon my tongue, which had previous tasted naught but the bitterness of my sins. Truly thy mercy is as great as the mountains and rains down upon me like the storms of a great flood. From this day hence, I shalt go forth proclaiming the wisdom and justice of the honorable and noble officials of the Laguna Village Domicile Owners' Association, blessed be their name, and I shall fancy park no more!
**********************************************
In case you were wondering what this was all about....
So, basically, they're threatening to TOW and IMPOUND my car because *gasp* I BACKED IN! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!!!!
What a glorious day dawns this fine winter morn. Verily, all God's creation doth sing the praises of this beautiful morn. 'Tis as if Aphrodite herself bent low to Earth and touched the grass and made it greener, the skies and made them clearer, and the rivers and waters and made them as glass. Truly even the birds and beasts have shown through song and dance the exquisiteness of this day of days, more beautiful than life herself.
'Tis days like this that the burden of labour is lessened, while being more difficult to bear. For the beauty of the day calls me forth from my slumber and lifts the drudgery of the routine of the morn'. But all the while, the labour of earning the day's wages is all the more difficult to bear, as my place of toil is as a cage, while the beauty of yonder outside world tempts me and torments me through the invisible walls of my prison. So it is with sweet sorrow that I depart my domicile and prepare to venture forth swiftly in my mechanical horse.
But what is this? There is a note upon mine horseless carriage from the night watchman! "To the owner of this fine machine, thou art hearby duly notified that thou art in violation of the just laws set forth by the noble and honorable elected officials of the Association of Domicile Owners of Laguna Village. Thy vehicle is not in accord with the statutes of proper dormant vehicle positioning."
This cannot be? What crime is it that I am accused of committing? "Thy vehicle has been set in its designated area with the hind quarters inwards and the fore quarters outwards, in violation of what is just and right." Oh, but it is true! Truly, I have committed such a heinous crime as to stable my mechanical horse in a manner opposite to what is expected of reasonable persons. Low, my heart sinks unto the ground, as the guilt of my sins is too great to bear.
The sky appears to darken with my heart. Though it was but a glorious day only moments before, I cannot see that but what is gray and dark. It is as if all of nature has darkened at the unmitigated evil of my terrible action. The sky has darkened, the grass died and turned brown, and the rivers and waters run red as if bloody. Even the birds and the beasts have silenced their once joyful song, as all of God's creation suffers under the oppression of my sins.
Surely, I cannot hope to ever set myself right in the eyes of God and my fellow man. My sins are beyond the forgiveness of even the most merciful of rulers. I must depart henceforth and become a recluse of the desert until the end of my time. My meals will be the sands and rocks and my neighbors will be the scorpions and snakes. For I am unfit to be around the civilized.
But wait, there is more to the watchman's note! "But in the infinite mercy of our wonderful rulers, they have seen fit to give thou a second chance. Go at once to remove thine vehicle from its abominable positioning. Thou hast been warned that thy vehicle's identification has been recorded in the Black Registry kept by the enforcers of peace in our fair community. Repeat violations shall result in the impounding of thine vehicle." But that is joyful news! For the note doth be naught but a warning! The ever-merciful and ever-caring ruling class of this village has chosen to grant me reprieve from the punishment that surely I deserve.
Glorious are they in their mercy, the quality of which is as honey upon my tongue, which had previous tasted naught but the bitterness of my sins. Truly thy mercy is as great as the mountains and rains down upon me like the storms of a great flood. From this day hence, I shalt go forth proclaiming the wisdom and justice of the honorable and noble officials of the Laguna Village Domicile Owners' Association, blessed be their name, and I shall fancy park no more!
**********************************************
In case you were wondering what this was all about....
So, basically, they're threatening to TOW and IMPOUND my car because *gasp* I BACKED IN! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!!!!
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
I Have Regained My Masculinity.
Ok, so I haven't slept well for the past couple months. The reason? How could The Pickles minivan possibly be more powerful than my car? Why, cruel world, why?
Well, I finally did a little bit of checking and this is what I found:
2005 Pontiac G6 GT:
3425 lb curb weight / 202 hp = 16.96 lbs./hp
2007 Kia Sedona:
4387 lb. curb weight (standard) / 244 hp = 17.98 lbs./hp
4646 lb. curb weight (full option) / 244 hp = 19.04 lbs./hp
Vindicated! I rule! My car is still better! And if you don't believe me, check out these little tidbits from Cars.com.
2005 Pontiac G6 GT:
0-60 in 8.19 seconds (I have verified this)
1/4 mile in 16.05 seconds at 91.08 mph
Lateral Acceleration: .88g (again, verified by me on a routine basis)
Slalom: 61 mph
2006 Kia Sedona (no data for 2007, but the weight and engine specs are the same for both model years):
0-60 in 8.25 seconds
1/4 mile in 16.17 seconds at 88.60 mph
Lateral Acceleration: .74g
Slalom: 55 mph
I rule! I rule!
Plus, the '07 G6 GT now comes standard with a 3.5L 224 hp engine with an option for a 3.9L 240 hp and the GTP comes standard with a 3.6L 252 hp engine. Looks like I'll have to trade mine in to make it definitive who has the more powerful car.
Ok, so I haven't slept well for the past couple months. The reason? How could The Pickles minivan possibly be more powerful than my car? Why, cruel world, why?
Well, I finally did a little bit of checking and this is what I found:
2005 Pontiac G6 GT:
3425 lb curb weight / 202 hp = 16.96 lbs./hp
2007 Kia Sedona:
4387 lb. curb weight (standard) / 244 hp = 17.98 lbs./hp
4646 lb. curb weight (full option) / 244 hp = 19.04 lbs./hp
Vindicated! I rule! My car is still better! And if you don't believe me, check out these little tidbits from Cars.com.
2005 Pontiac G6 GT:
0-60 in 8.19 seconds (I have verified this)
1/4 mile in 16.05 seconds at 91.08 mph
Lateral Acceleration: .88g (again, verified by me on a routine basis)
Slalom: 61 mph
2006 Kia Sedona (no data for 2007, but the weight and engine specs are the same for both model years):
0-60 in 8.25 seconds
1/4 mile in 16.17 seconds at 88.60 mph
Lateral Acceleration: .74g
Slalom: 55 mph
I rule! I rule!
Plus, the '07 G6 GT now comes standard with a 3.5L 224 hp engine with an option for a 3.9L 240 hp and the GTP comes standard with a 3.6L 252 hp engine. Looks like I'll have to trade mine in to make it definitive who has the more powerful car.
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