What a glorious day dawns this fine winter morn. Verily, all God's creation doth sing the praises of this beautiful morn. 'Tis as if Aphrodite herself bent low to Earth and touched the grass and made it greener, the skies and made them clearer, and the rivers and waters and made them as glass. Truly even the birds and beasts have shown through song and dance the exquisiteness of this day of days, more beautiful than life herself.
'Tis days like this that the burden of labour is lessened, while being more difficult to bear. For the beauty of the day calls me forth from my slumber and lifts the drudgery of the routine of the morn'. But all the while, the labour of earning the day's wages is all the more difficult to bear, as my place of toil is as a cage, while the beauty of yonder outside world tempts me and torments me through the invisible walls of my prison. So it is with sweet sorrow that I depart my domicile and prepare to venture forth swiftly in my mechanical horse.
But what is this? There is a note upon mine horseless carriage from the night watchman! "To the owner of this fine machine, thou art hearby duly notified that thou art in violation of the just laws set forth by the noble and honorable elected officials of the Association of Domicile Owners of Laguna Village. Thy vehicle is not in accord with the statutes of proper dormant vehicle positioning."
This cannot be? What crime is it that I am accused of committing? "Thy vehicle has been set in its designated area with the hind quarters inwards and the fore quarters outwards, in violation of what is just and right." Oh, but it is true! Truly, I have committed such a heinous crime as to stable my mechanical horse in a manner opposite to what is expected of reasonable persons. Low, my heart sinks unto the ground, as the guilt of my sins is too great to bear.
The sky appears to darken with my heart. Though it was but a glorious day only moments before, I cannot see that but what is gray and dark. It is as if all of nature has darkened at the unmitigated evil of my terrible action. The sky has darkened, the grass died and turned brown, and the rivers and waters run red as if bloody. Even the birds and the beasts have silenced their once joyful song, as all of God's creation suffers under the oppression of my sins.
Surely, I cannot hope to ever set myself right in the eyes of God and my fellow man. My sins are beyond the forgiveness of even the most merciful of rulers. I must depart henceforth and become a recluse of the desert until the end of my time. My meals will be the sands and rocks and my neighbors will be the scorpions and snakes. For I am unfit to be around the civilized.
But wait, there is more to the watchman's note! "But in the infinite mercy of our wonderful rulers, they have seen fit to give thou a second chance. Go at once to remove thine vehicle from its abominable positioning. Thou hast been warned that thy vehicle's identification has been recorded in the Black Registry kept by the enforcers of peace in our fair community. Repeat violations shall result in the impounding of thine vehicle." But that is joyful news! For the note doth be naught but a warning! The ever-merciful and ever-caring ruling class of this village has chosen to grant me reprieve from the punishment that surely I deserve.
Glorious are they in their mercy, the quality of which is as honey upon my tongue, which had previous tasted naught but the bitterness of my sins. Truly thy mercy is as great as the mountains and rains down upon me like the storms of a great flood. From this day hence, I shalt go forth proclaiming the wisdom and justice of the honorable and noble officials of the Laguna Village Domicile Owners' Association, blessed be their name, and I shall fancy park no more!
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In case you were wondering what this was all about....
So, basically, they're threatening to TOW and IMPOUND my car because *gasp* I BACKED IN! DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!!!!
Well, you can park accurately in reverse, but probably a lot of your neighbors can't. You're better off if they make everybody park head in, so that you will be spared the dings and bashes from other cars trying to back in. On the other hand, they could issue special permits for those who are expert parkers, like you. ;-)
ReplyDeleteAlso, if I read the notice correctly, it looks as if the time on the citation was 12:10am. If you have to have a parking permit, make sure that you keep it current. In some places they'll call a tow truck to tow a car minutes after the permit expires.
That is unbelievably ridiculous. And I thought OUR HOA was restrictive when it told us what colors we're allowed to paint our house! A ban on backwards parking, forsooth! Are you going to call them and ask why in the name of all things holy a car deserves to be towed for this?
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't get is where they might derive the legal authority to level fines against you, and what executive branch is going to enforce said fines? Something is horribly wrong if anyone answers my question with "the police". They're not a legit govt and they don't own the land. This falls under my category of legal reform along with frivolous lawsuits. Oooo, this looks like I could make a real good rant out of this... I better get a pad and paper.
ReplyDeleteThe owner of the condo probably had to sign an agreement (I think it's called a CC&R) which included a whole book full of rules, and renters are evidently bound by those rules, too. They're civil contracts and are common in Orange County housing developments. The HOA can fine and even evict residents who don't obey them. They're designed to get people used to living under totalitarian governments. Watch the X-Files epsode "Arcadia Falls" to see how they work.
ReplyDeleteYou need one of these shirts.
ReplyDeleteAnd in case you're wondering what our HOA is capable of, a quick Google search reveals this. Yes, that is where we're living now.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, further research shows that had a happy ending. Apparently, the residents' solution was to recall the HOA board in a special meeting.
Calling Tom Paine...
ReplyDeleteI've been hesitating to write this comment because I've been afraid that, if I did, the Municipality would do everything in its power to make me fall into the traps set for me by the Municipality's worshippers. But after reading about the Municipality's immoral stances, I could hesitate no longer. As I elaborate on that concept throughout this comment I will use only simple words and language so that even a child can understand my message. Yes, even a child should know that it may seem difficult at first to hold the Municipality responsible for the hatred it so furtively expresses. It is. But if the Municipality could have one wish, it'd wish for the ability to create anomie. Then, people the world over would be too terrified to acknowledge that given the amount of misinformation that the Municipality is circulating, I must unmistakably point out that beer-guzzling good-for-nothings serve as the priests in its cult of insane Lysenkoism. These "priests" spend their days basking in the Municipality's reflected glory, pausing only when the Municipality instructs them to establish tacit boundaries and ground rules for the permissible spectrum of opinion. What could be more tyrannical? Well, we all know the answer to that question, don't we? But in case you don't, then you should note that it has found a way to avoid compliance with government regulations, circumvent any further litigation, and rally for a cause that is completely void of moral, ethical, or legal validity -- all by trumping up a phony emergency.
ReplyDeleteAt the risk of sounding hopelessly dotty, I am more than merely surprised by the Municipality's willingness to perpetrate acts of the most shameless character. I'm shocked, shocked. And, as if that weren't enough, I have observed that those who disagree with me on the next point tend to be unsophisticated and those who recognize the validity of the point to be more educated. The point is that if they could speak, the birds, snakes, and other creatures who are our Earth brothers and Earth sisters would definitely say that I have some of the Municipality's writings in front of me right now. In one of them, the Municipality maintains that there's no difference between normal people like you and me and gutless, insensitive hypochondriacs. If you don't find that shocking then consider that the Municipality and its subalterns, who are legion, are blossoms on the upas tree of teetotalism. But there's the rub; the Municipality may unwittingly inject its lethal poison into our children's minds and souls. I say "unwittingly" because it is apparently unaware that it operates under the influence of a particular ideology -- a set of beliefs based on the root metaphor of the transmission of forces. Until you understand this root metaphor you won't be able to grasp why if you've never seen the Municipality regiment the public mind as much as an army regiments the bodies of its soldiers, you're either incredibly unobservant or are concealing the truth from yourself.
I should note that the Municipality believes that war is peace, freedom is slavery, and ignorance is strength. That's just wrong. It further believes that the kids on the playground are happy to surrender to the school bully. Wrong again! Finally, any one of the points I made in this comment could be turned into a complete research paper, but the conclusion of each would be the same: The absence of necessary historiographical context makes the Municipality's proposed social programs extremely difficult to accept.