How To: Install an App from the Apple App Store™ to your iPhone

The great thing about Apple products is how easy they are to use. This is no less true of the iPhone. Installing apps on Android is so hard, what with the choice of vendors. Do I want to buy something from the Android Marketplace or the Amazon App Store? So many decisions. It just makes the process so complex.

Well, Apple doesn't have that problem. In fact, they make it so easy to download and install a (free) app. How easy, you ask? Well, it's so easy I can explain it in 82 simple steps.

Step 1: Locate the app you wish to download on the App Store™. To do this, enter the app name in the "search" tab of the App Store™.

When that doesn't find it, as it probably won't, try every conceivable spelling of the app you want. Try boolean search operators. Then finally give up and pray that the app is easy to find in the Top 25 or in Categories.

Step 2: Tap the "Install" button and enter your Apple ID account password. 

Note that this guide assumes you've already created an iTunes account and linked it to your iPhone. If you have not, you will need to read the 453 page manual on how to accomplish that.

Step 3: If it has been a week or more since your last download from the App Store, Apple will have locked your account "for security reasons". This is because they assume that if you don't purchase something from them at least once a week, something is Wrong with you. Tap "Reset" to reset your account.

Step 4: You will be taken to "iForgot" which assumes you are a stupid idiot who has forgotten his password. Enter your Apple ID to unlock your account, then tap "Next".

Step 5: You may either unlock your account by email or by answering your security question. For this example, we will answer the security question.

Step 6: Verify your birth date.

Step 7: Answer your secret question.

Step 8: You may now unlock your Apple ID.

Editor's note: since these screenshots were taken, Apple has removed the "Unlock your Apple ID" option. You must now reset your password to unlock your account. You may not set the password to one you have used within the last year.

Step 9: To unlock your account, re-enter your Apple ID account password, then tap "sign in".

Step 10: Congratulations! Your account has been unlocked!

Step 11: Repeat steps 1 and 2. Re-enter your Apple ID account password.

Step 12: Before proceeding, you will need to verify your payment info. This step is necessary even to download free apps.

Step 13: Re-enter your Apple ID account password.

Step 14: Confirm your credit card information. Tap "Done" when finished.

Step 15: Repeat steps 1 and 2. Re-enter your Apple ID account password.

Step 16: It is likely that the iTunes terms and conditions have changed. Apple changes them about every month. You will need to agree to the new terms to continue.

Steps 17-78: Read the 62-page Terms and Conditions and Apple Privacy Policy, in their entirety, on the screen of your phone. We'll wait.

Be sure not to skim or skip, because it would be a lie to say you've read and agree to the terms when you haven't. Apple doesn't want you to lie.

Step 79: Tap "Agree", then tap "Agree" again. Remember: no lying.

Step 80: Thank you for accepting the terms. Please try your purchase (of a free app) again.

Step 81: Repeat steps 1 and 2. Re-enter your Apple ID account password.

Step 82: Congratulations! You're done! The app will now begin to download. Please make sure to connect to a WiFi network for faster download, or suffer the fickle and arbitrary AT&T 3G network. Also, be sure to tap the screen at least once per minute, otherwise the device will enter standby mode and the download will be interrupted.

See how easy that was?

On the Motion of the Moon in the Margaret Wise Brown Classic "Goodnight Moon"

Please observe the following composite image, taken from several different exposures of the moon.

It is clear from the non-linear motion of the moon across the sky that the orbit of the moon is not a simple ellipse. This is probably because the planet inhabited by the race of sentient bunny-like aliens (henceforth: Planet Bun) is probably in a non-stable multi-body system. It likely involves multiple other moons, planets, and potentially stars, although we can clearly see from the view out this window that the stars must all be opposite Planet Bun from the observer. The intense gravitational forces from the other unseen bodies of the system must steer the moon in a strange path, and not in an elliptical orbit around Planet Bun.

Also, based on the fact that the pattern of the  background stars changes so rapidly between each exposure, we can conclude that Planet Bun itself must be orbiting or rotating at a very high velocity. In fact, the "moon" may not be a satellite of Planet Bun at all. It could very well be a double planet or, judging by the lack of surface features, a white dwarf star that Planet Bun itself is orbiting. In fact, judging by just how quickly Planet Bun's view of the background stars changes, it may be quite likely that the "moon" is in fact a neutron star, which Planet Bun orbits in hours or minutes. The orbital distance is likely quite close in order for a small star to have such a high angular diameter.

Note also how the apparent motion of the "moon"-like neutron star speeds up between the fixed-interval exposures. This is likely because Planet Bun is in a highly-elliptical orbit and it is approaching perigee, causing the vast orbital speed increase.

The (Big) Boy

Lest we forget about the firstborn, a couple Damien stories.

On Sunday, as we were rushing out the door to Mass, Damien apparently thought we weren't rushing fast enough and wanted to leave. So he grabbed me, pulled me over to the hallway closet, opened it, took my hat out, put it on my head, then ran to the front door. He knows that daddy putting on his hat is the last thing that needs to be done before we leave.

Then today, after changing him, I had left his shoes on the floor because I was in a hurry to change Anthony. Damien picked up his shoes, took them to the closet, opened the closet, put away his shoes (in the proper place), then closed the closet.

Anne Marie comments that he's better about putting away his shoes than I am.

Peas and Pods

Can you figure out which picture is which brother? (Highlight to read answers.)

Anthony on left, Damien on right.

Anthony on left, Damien on right.

Ha! Trick question. Both are Anthony.

Damien on left, Anthony on right.

Damien on left, Anthony on right.

Damien on left, Anthony on right.

Anthony on left, Damien on right.

I just pray that they grow up as close to each other as I did with my brother.

Twins, separated by two years.

A Better Pain Scale

H/T Hyperbole and a Half

Key:

0: Hi. I am not experiencing any pain at all. I don't know why I'm even here.
1: I am completely unsure whether I am experiencing pain or itching or maybe I just have a bad taste in my mouth.
2: I probably just need a Band Aid.
3: This is distressing. I don't want this to be happening to me at all.
4: My pain is not @%&!ing around.
5: Why is this happening to me??
6: Ow. Okay, my pain is super legit now.
7: I see Jesus coming for me and I'm scared.
8: I am experiencing a disturbing amount of pain. I might actually be dying. Please help.
9: I am almost definitely dying.
10: I am actively being mauled by a bear.
11: Blood is going to explode out of my face at any moment.
Too Serious For Numbers: You probably have ebola. It appears that you may also be suffering from Stigmata and/or pinkeye.

The Laboring Murloc says her contractions fall between a 4 ("My pain is not @%&!ing around") and 5 ("Why is this happening to me??"), so we're heading to the hospital now. All further updates will be on Facebook.

The Official Rankings (Updated)

1. Anthropomorphic Superheroes
2. Anthropomorphic Monsters
3. Anthropomorphic Robots
4. Anthropomorphic Old Guys, Dogs, and Boyscout
5. Anthropomorphic Cars
6. Anthropomorphic Rats
7. Anthropomorphic Toys (third time)
8. Anthropomorphic Fish
   ---The good/great dividing line---
9. Anthropomorphic Cars (again)
10. Anthropomorphic Toys (again)
11. Anthropomorphic Bugs
12. Anthropomorphic Toys

Although it was not made by the studio whose mascot is an anthropomorphic desk lamp, last year's "Anthropomorphic Princess with really long hair" fits between #2 and #3 on this list, and although it was not made by the company whose mascot is an anthropomorphic mouse, last year's "Anthropomorphic Dragons and Vikings" fits between #4 and #5. Those are the only two non-anthropomorphic Desk Lamp 3D animated feature films that I can think of (off the top of my head) that fit somewhere on this list.

Happy 100th Birthday, Gian Carlo Menotti!

In honor of the composer of the first television opera (Amahl and the Night Visitors), we present to you a bit of culture.

The Telephone, an opera in one act, by Gian Carlo Menotti, heard in this 2000 recording, directed by Dr. Susan Treacy, with Celeste Ingram, soprano, Daniel Morton, baritone, and Yr. Obd. Svt., piano accompaniment.