Aliens Land on Earth: "We Bring Cures for Humanity's Worst Problems"

Discount Generic Viagra, Low Mortgage Rates among solutions offered by extra-terrestrial beings



WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a scene that could have been taken right out of a 1950's science fiction movie, aliens landed at the steps of the Capitol building today. As onlookers gathered around the circular space craft, a long ramp lowered from underneath the ship. Moments later, two green, one-eyed, multi-tentacled aliens appeared in an opening at the top of the ramp.



"Greetings, humans," one of the aliens said in a loud booming voice. "For many years, we have studied your planet through your 'electronic mail'. Now we have come to solve all your worst problems and elevate mankind to join in the galactic community. That is why we bring each and every person a lifetime supply of generic Viagra."



The aliens explained that since the invention of e-mail on earth, they have been sampling it, and based upon the most discussed topics, have "discovered the worst afflictions facing mankind, like expensive medications, and have come to provide Earth with solutions to all their ills by offering the lowest prices for Windows and Office software."



"No longer will mankind have to suffer the horror of a lack of college degrees. Because of our superior technology, our college programs can give you a four-year degree in just 8 months!" the aliens explained. "And we will make discount Canadian pharmacies available to all.



"Never again will a single human be turned down for a mortgage, but instead, all will be provided with the lowest rates available. Never again will you sit at home, bored on a Saturday night, but instead 1 cent DVDs will be available to all. And never again will you be unsure which stocks to invest in, but will have access to our Stock Picks of the day.



"So come, all humans! Come enjoy an end to all your afflictions! Get hardcode pr0n for free! Have access to generic Valium, Cialis, and Xanax! Feast in the perfect future we have planned for you!"



The Aliens ended their speech with several minutes of drooling and sinister laughing.