Crisis in the Men's Room - Day 16
UN Deploys Peacekeepers

NEWPORT BEACH, CA - The UN has deployed peacekeeping forces to the 11th floor Men's Room at the MacArthur Court office complex in response to the rioting and civil revolt that has erupted there.

The trouble began on January 31st, when users of the Men's Room noticed that the soap dispenser on one of the sinks was empty. According to witnesses, authorities were notified, but no action was taken to remedy the situation. Within a week, the tension had escalated to outright hostility as gunfire erupted through the halls. 5 people were reported killed or seriously injured in the initial fighting, most of them from the Regus staff, the company that sub-leases the offices on the 11th floor.

The second week of the crisis was marked by sporadic gun battles and fighting in the hallways, as rebel soap fighters organized into resistance cells. On February 10th, they even staged a raid on the Women's Room to try and obtain some of their soap, but they were beaten back by a joint Regus/Irvine Company coalition. So far 82 people have been killed and hundreds more injured in the chaos and anarchy following the breakdown of Regus' rule of the floor.

The Regus company claims that the Soap Insurgents are little more than terrorists who have slaughtered innocent office workers and taken hostages and threatened to kill them if their demands for soap in the men's room aren't met. Meanwhile the "Simple Officeworkers' Army of Payback" or SOAP, as they are calling themselves, claim that they are just freedom fighters, trying to claim what is theirs by divine right: soap in the Men's Room.

It is unclear why the soap dispenser was allowed to run dry, and why the custodial staff did nothing to replace the soap. What is clear is that no one is willing to accept responsibility for the incident that has brought on the rebellion. Neat 'N' Tidy cleaning company, the custodial company hired by the Irvine Company to clean the MacArthur Court office complex, claims that they have not received sufficient funding to supply soap to the men's room from Regus and accused Regus officials of embezzling the money. Regus, by contrast claims that they have given Neat 'N' Tidy more than enough funding, but the janitor's have been smuggling the soap out to sell on the black market. With soap prices soaring to almost $50 a barrel, there has been a large increase in demand for low-cost, black market soap.

It is hoped that the UN peacekeepers will be able to quell the bloodshed temporarily while diplomats can negotiate a settlement between the warring factions and allow for a US airdrop of soap.

--Further bulletins as events warrant--