James Bond Dies of Every STD Known to Man

Top British Secret Agent Did In By Women Who Loved Spies



LONDON, ENGLAND - Top secret agent and gentleman Bond James Bond died this morning at the MI5's secret military hospital. He was killed from complications of having Chancroid, Chlamydia, Genital Warts/HPV, Gonorrhea, Hepatitis-B, Herpes, HIV/AIDS, Nongonococcal Urethritis (NGU), Pubic Lice, Syphilis, and other sexually transmitted diseases. Head doctor Maureen McDermott signed the death certificate.



Known throughout the world as the greatest spy who ever lived, he was hated by every Arch-Villain he ever met. He is credited with saving the world approximately 20 times, and having had sex with at least two women each time he did so.



"How ironic that he narrowly escaped all sorts of contrived assassination attempts from villains of virtually every country, yet he was killed by the one thing he could have easily protected himself against," said Dr. McDermott. "Yet still I can understand why. He could have any women he desired, with his sexy British accent, his strong muscles, his toned physique, his... excuse me." At that point Dr. McDermott paused to wipe saliva from her chin.



James Bond was never married, but it is estimated he is survived by anywhere from 15 to 68 childern and an unkown number of grandchildren. Memorial services will be held this Thursday.





An image of the official Death Certificate