People From New Jersey "F-ing Slow"



OFFICE 1136 - According to the new loud, annoying Jerk in office 1136, people from New Jersey are "f-ing slow." Sources close to the Jerk, who was not identified by name, report that he conducted a phone interview with a person from New Jersey and concluded that he was "f-ing slow and should not try to hustle me because you're not quick."



In the official report released by the Jerk, he continued that, "we in Newport Beach drive fast cars and live in expensive houses because we're quick. You are f-ing slow, and as such, should not try to f-ing hustle me because it will not work."



This report follows closely on the heals of the Jerk's recent "I F-ing Fired You Because You Moved To San Diego" and "You Were Supposed To Set Up The F-ing Computers Here, But F-ing Outlook Doesn't Even Work; What Am I F-ing Paying You For?" reports. The Dow, which dropped 300 point after the previous two reports, climbed slightly to 10,630 on the report that people from New Jersey are "f-ing slow."