6 Files Suit Against 7

Cites 7's cannibalization of 9



Z⁺, R - The number 6 filed a class-action suit in set N superior court this morning, asking for $10 million in damages from the number 7 for "mental and emotional trauma resulting from when 7 ate 9."



The number 6's lawyer, Newton Standerwick of Standerwick and Schontz, issued the following statement: "for years, my client has been living in fear, affraid to participate in any equations or proofs, for fear that he may end up the next victim of the number 7, the brutal killer responsible for the death of our dear friend the number 9." The statement continues to say that 6 has spent many years and thousands of dollars on therapy, trying to overcome the grief and fear he has felt. "Only after he spent his life savings has my client been able to overcome his fears and take the right course of action; seeking damages against the nefarious number 7."



Other numbers have been quick to jump on the bandwagon. So far, 5, 10, 64, and 9's entire extended family {3*n, n ε Z⁺} have joined in the suit. Said the number 10, "9 was a very dear friend of mine. The only integer as close to me as he was is the number 11. I was so filled with sadness at his demise. I'm so proud that some number has finally had the courage to punish 7 for his wrongdoings."



7's lawyer, Wilton Shontz of Schontz and Standerwick, said at a press release, "my client was never found guilty of any alleged murder charges. This whole suit is a trumped up attempt to get even with 7. Everyone has known for years that both 6 and 9 were jealous of 7's standing as a prime number." When asked about the rumors that 7 killed 9, because he was jealous of 9's standing as a perfect square of a prime number, 7 burst out, saying "that [expletive] jerk! He had it coming! I should have [expletive] killed that [expletive] 6 along with 9!" After taking a moment to compose himself, 7 then said "Well, no number's perfect."



"Sesame Street," a program that has received a large sponsorship from the number 7, has stated that for the duration of the suit, they shall not accept any support, verbal, monetary, or otherwise, from the number 7. Said Children's Television Workshop spokeswoman Sanora Ruffini, "while we are not expressing any opinion or taking sides, we believe it is in our best interests to remain neutral until the matter can be resolved." The number 2 is expected to fill in for the number 7, although some are questioning whether 2 is over-extending himself, since he is also the base of the entire computer number system.