Horoscopes.
Every time a bell rings, a tech support consultant breaks down and cries because some idiot has called him.

Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Your inability to follow simple step-by-step instruction in order may cause a choking hazard next Tuesday when the wrapper on your deli sandwich says "1: Remove toothpick. 2: Eat sandwich."

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
The Page Up and Page Down toolbar buttons can be used to view the diagram above or below the current selection.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
Many of your problems can be solved by taking the manual, putting it on your chair, standing on it so you can see over your cubicle wall, and shouting "does anyone know how to read a manual?"

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
The stars can't help you understand the complexities of the English language because phrases like "click the 'Add Block' toolbar button to add a new block" baffle them, too.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
The Page Up and Page Down toolbar buttons still change the view to show the diagram above or below the current selection, just like last time.

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
It is true that your supplier's delivery date was pushed back by several weeks, but when you evaluate them, the stars recommend you keep in mind that it was you who sent the wrong user requirements document. Unlike the stars, the supplier isn't telepathic, you know.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
The stars really have to wonder why you think the poor technical consultant really needs to know every detail of your plans for the next 8 months. The snoring coming out of the phone is because you bored him to sleep. Please hang up and try your call again never.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
Y'know what? You can change the view to above or below the current selection by using the Page Up and Page Down toolbar buttons. No, really. It still works that way.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
A "Standalone" install is for use on a single computer. A "Network" install allows many users access to the software on a network.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
In case you hadn't figured it out from the previous horoscope, a "Network" install is, in fact, more appropriate for a network server.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
The Page Up and Page Down toolbar buttons can no longer be used to change the view. Nah, the stars are just messing with you. Of course they can. Just like the last 50 times you asked how to change the view.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
All your calls to the help desk will go unanswered next week because the Technical Support Consultant hung himself on his phone cord.