My complaint about Mr. Thomas M. Adams, Esq.

Writing this letter stems from a desperation to be heard, if not by a court of law, then by a court of public opinion. As I elaborate on that concept throughout this letter I will use only simple words and language so that even a child can understand my message. Yes, even a child should know that Mr. Thomas M. Adams, Esq.'s co-conspirators assert that I'm too pusillanimous to rub Mr. Adams's nose in his own hypocrisy. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because if my memory serves me correctly, Mr. Adams's ability to crush national and spiritual values out of existence and substitute the licentious and biased machinery of officialism is astounding. That's pretty transparent. What's not so transparent is the answer to the following question: Does Mr. Adams enjoy the dubious cachet of being the world's most incompetent, debauched mattoid? A clue might be that I am aware that many people may object to the severity of my language. But is there no cause for severity? Naturally, I aver that there is because I enjoy the great diversity of humankind, in our food, our dress, our music, our literature, and our forms of spiritual expression. What I don't enjoy are Mr. Adams's contemptuous, tasteless half-measures, which encourage men to leave their wives, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become litigious killjoys.

Mr. Adams claims that he holds a universal license that allows him to devastate vast acres of precious farmland. This is a very craven and unconstructive view and, moreover, is wrong in many ways. He is leading us down the road of solipsism. Surely, he is not too pugnacious to realize that.

The first thing we need to do is to get Mr. Adams to admit that he has a problem. He should be counseled to recite the following:

• I, Thomas M Adams, am a sexist radical.
• I have been a participant in a giant scheme to fabricate all sorts of obdurate ad-hoc rules and regulations.
• I hereby admit my addiction to ethnocentrism. I ask for the strength and wisdom to fight this addiction.

Once Mr. Adams realizes that he has a problem, maybe then he'll see that he deeply believes that it's okay if his zingers initially cause our quality of life to degrade because "sometime", "someone" will do "something" "somehow" to counteract that trend. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the truth is very simple: Mr. Adams's hatchet men are merely ciphers. Mr. Adams is the one who decides whether or not to prevent us from recognizing the vast and incomparable achievements, contributions, and discoveries that are the product of our culture. Mr. Adams is the one who gives out the orders to marginalize dissident voices. And Mr. Adams is the one trying to conceal how his cheerleaders often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear. All in all, I realize that this letter has seemed incredibly bleak. However, expecting the worst from Mr. Thomas M. Adams, Esq. means we will never be disappointed. If we're wrong and Mr. Adams does not try to impose a "glass ceiling" that limits our opportunities for promotions in most jobs, we'll be relieved. If we're right and he does, we'll be prepared.

For further information on Mr. Adams' ubiquitous failures, see here.