Why I Hate Smart People

With no apologies to Hyperbole and a Half.

Contrary to what you might have heard, I am not a smart person. In fact, I might be considered exactly the opposite of smart. That is (for you people like me) dumb. If you've ever heard me saying something smart, I was probably just quoting something I once heard some Smart Person say.

I Can Has?

I Suspect...

...the purple car, in the living room, with the cardboard tube.

From Damien

Alternate caption: "The babby died. Oh well. Time to make a new one."

Babby Manual

Thank you for purchasing one (1) standard issue babby. During the course of normal babby operation, it is expected that the batteries may die. In this circumstance, please follow these simple instructions to change babby's batteries.

You will need the following items:
1x ¼" Phillips head screwdriver
2x AA batteries (not included)
1x Monkey wrench
1x Monkey
2x Plutonium reactor cores
47x Ginger-headed sailors
1x Hyper-electronic transducent geoplasmic nodal collectomizer

1. Use the screwdriver to remove the two screws on babby's back.
2. Remove the rear panel.
3. If you wish to reset babby to factory defaults, slide the Mode Selector Switch from "Play" to "Demo".
4. Insert screwdriver in reset button slot and hold for 5 seconds. Warning! Do not hold button for more than 5 seconds. Doing so could cause your babby to switch to Spanish Language mode.
5. Throw the bone.
6. While holding a rose between teeth and dancing the tango, apply lubricant to bearing "F" in diagram B-2332-54.
7. Release penguins.
8. Use duck caller to signal violists to begin slow movement.
9. Use towel with hobgoblin.
10. Insert fork a in electric socket b.
11. Slap your partner in the face, write bad checks all over the place, dosey-do.
12. Gently replace rear panel and tighten screws.

Congratulations, your babby should now be recharged and ready to go.

Mother Angelica as a Pirate