The Butt Adventures of my Phone

So, a little while ago, my phone decided to go on a little butt adventure. Or my butt went on a phone adventure. Either way, the phone activated and unlocked in my pocket, while I was walking back to work from Mass, and had a gay old time with my butt. It was even courteous enough to take screenshots along the way, so I could find out what it was up to.

The first thing my butt did was try to access my Google wallet, probably to try and empty my bank account. Fortunately, it didn't know my pin (even though you can find it here), but I haven't trusted my butt since.

Next, it went into my contacts, and gave the Murloc a call. The Murloc didn't answer, so my butt left a voicemail, but didn't say anything.

After that, it loaded up Facebook and browsed around a bit. It liked one of Sara Harold's status updates.

To be fair, it was a pretty funny status update.

It also responded to an invite to attend a swing dance event that a friend was hosting. Apparently my buttl likes to swing dance.

Then things started to get a little weird.

My butt started researching homosexuality.

And shopping for books about homosexuality on Amazon.

I'm... really not sure what to make of this. Why is my butt so interested in sodomy? I don't think I really care to know.

It was about this time that I arrived back at work and pulled out my phone to turn off the pedometer, only to realize something was off. I quickly arrested control of the phone from my butt, and put an end to its shenanigans. I'm shudder to think what more it would have done had I let its adventure go on.

***BREAKING NEWS***

So, you remember my friend Patrick Leinen, and his brother Chip? Remember, they wrote the Confession app which got so much press for being the first smartphone app to carry an imprimatur and nihil obstat?

Patrick Leinen: 2001 file photo

Well, they're at it again:


First Mobile App to be Launched by Pope from Vatican

South Bend, IN — On Friday Pope Francis will break new ground by becoming the first Pope to launch a mobile app for iPhone, iPad, and Android. The Pontifical Mission Societies’ MISSIO app is a free app that features the latest news and video from around the world about the Catholic Church. This launch event marks a unique, historic moment for the Church and her use of digital technology to connect with the faithful.

Little i Apps, an app development company, was chosen by the Pontifical Mission Societies to develop both the mobile application and the proprietary software that will allow the app to be globally activated by Pope Francis from the Vatican. Little i Apps is no stranger to drawing connections between digital and sacred spaces. In 2011, they developed and launched, Confession: A Roman Catholic App, which triggered an international response to how individuals could properly make use of digital tools to aid their spiritual lives. “We are excited and honored to have been selected to develop the first app launched by a Pope. The importance of this launch and the opportunity to help spread the Good News globally is not lost on us,” said Patrick Leinen, co-founder of Little i Apps.  According to Fr. Andrew Small, OMI, National Director of the Pontifical Mission Societies in the United States and visionary behind the app, the Pope has personally shared his eagerness for the release of MISSIO.

This event will fall on the heels of World Communications Day when the Catholic Church reflects on the former pontiff, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI’s invitation to Catholics to make better use of social media in sharing the Gospel. The Pope Emeritus, who opened the first papal Twitter account, challenged the Church to think about social networking sites as “new spaces for evangelization.” Pope Francis offers Catholics a new opportunity with the launch of MISSIO to reflect on ways their mobile devices can also be used as spaces for evangelization.

Catholics and non-Catholics alike are invited to participate in this event by downloading MISSIO today.  The app will remain locked until Pope Francis personally unlocks it with the tap of an iPad button from the Vatican. Users around the world will then receive a push notification that the app has been launched by the Pope and is ready for use.

MISSIO is available for free at the iTunes App Store and Google Play. For more information, please visit Little i Apps online at http://www.littleiapps.com or contact Patrick Leinen, developer and co-founder, at marketing@littleiapps.com or call 574-307-0853. To learn more about the Pontifical Mission Societies and their global work or to donate to their cause, visit their website at http://www.onefamilyinmission.org/.

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Another version of the press release added the line: "the Pope has personally shared his eagerness for the release of MISSIO and requested an Android version for his own smartphone."

That totally vindicates my choice of smartphone.