The World Is Not Properly Aware of What Irks Me

By Hugh Jass, PHB



I admit I have a lot of pet peeves. Women, Democrats, women democrats to name a few. But you know what really bugs me most? When people don't know about the things that bug me.



I'll be talking with some stranger on the bus and I'll mention that the crying baby two seats back annoys me almost as much as Mexican drivers, and you know how much they annoy me. To which the guy responds, "No, I don't know how much they annoy you." Are you kidding me? Why are you so painfully unaware of every little thing that bugs me? So I gotta launch in to a rant about why Mexican drivers are the bain of human existence. It'll probably make me late for work too, hammering home every last detail about about the topic.



This is especially true about movies. For some reason, people don't seem to get that my opinion of movies is the gospel truth. If they disagree, they're not just wrong; they're stupid. Like when I was talking to my secratary about how the charts she printed up for the year-end meeting were rivalled only by Spielberg's A.I. she thought at first that I was giving her a compliment! Damn it, woman, you should know that not only is A.I. demonstrably one of the worst cimenatic disasters ever, but that good ol' Steven made it specifically and for no other reason than to get under my skin. I would've threatened to fire her for being so incompetently ignorant, but the higher-ups don't like it when I do that. I speak from experience on this one. That's another of my bothers: how I can't get rid of employees who disagree with me (and are therefore wrong and stupid).



Perhaps the worst violator of the always-know-what-irritates-me rule is my ex-wife. Whenever I go to pick up the kids for my one-weekend-a-month, she always gets them ice cream sundaes just before I come. That makes the little rugrats obnoxiously hyper by the time I get there. You'd think she'd know by now that it really annoys me, yet she keeps doing it. And she wonders why I left her for that 22-year-old blonde. Sheesh woman, get a clue.