Catechebulary.

His Excellency Most Rev. Donald W. Trautman, bishop of Erie, has been working to prevent the implementation of the new translation of the Roman Missal. One of his concerns is over the vocabulary, and he is concerned that some of the words may be beyond the grasp of Joe Pewsitter. (What Does the Prayer Really Say has been covering the story. You can find entries here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.)

Since charity demands that we assume that His Excellency must just simply be too busy to take, y'know, two minutes of a homily to explain what some of these words mean, F.U. News has taken it upon itself to help defuse the situation by defining these words and giving usage for each.

*ahem* Let us begin.

in·eff·a·ble (ĭn-ĕf'ə-bəl)

adj.

1. Clever; cunning: I tried to screw him over with legal speak, but he was ineffable and saw right through it.
2. Incapable of sexual attraction; frigid: I walked up to the hawt chick in the bar and tried to get her digits, but she was ineffable.
3. Able to be placed in the letter "F".

con·sub·stan·tial (kŏn'səb-stăn'shəl)

adj.

1. Of or relating to narcotics, particular those of an illegal nature: arrested and sent to prison for possession of consubstantial material.
2. The state of being on board a submarine with a guy named Stan.

in·car·nate (ĭn-kär'nĭt)

adj.

1. Having an intense fear of carnivals or fiestas: We wanted to go to the state fair, but Sue is incarnate.

v.

1. To be turned into an automobile: Steve was incarnated as a Ford Thundercougarfalconbird.
2. A word that the designers of the game Indigo Prophecy don't know the meaning of: the girl has a pure soul and has never been incarnated.

n.

1. My friend, Nate, who sits around in his car all day.

in·vi·o·late (ĭn-vī'ə-lĭt)

n.

1. The rage a conductor feels when the violist misses the entrance for his solo for the umpteenth consecutive time.
2. An early 19th century art movement that focused on producing artwork of reddish-blue and light purple hues.

ob·la·tion (ə-blā'shən, ō-blā'-)

n.

1. A type of mocking cheer practiced in some rural European areas that involves clapping while giving a raspberry: the peasants showed their distaste for the performer's interpretation with a standing oblation.
2. A perverse sexual act involving a woodwind.

ig·no·min·y (ĭg'nə-mĭn'ē, -mə-nē)

n.

1. The first word of the Sign of the Cross, in Latin: Ignominy Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti.
2. A shameful display of lawn ornaments, esp. one involving lots of gnomes.
3. A very small fire: After hours of rubbing twigs together, all I had to show for it was an ignominy.

adj. -ious

1. The loss of a PvP battleground to a team consisting entirely of gnomes: an ignominious defeat.

pre·cur·sor (prĭ-kûr'sər, prē'kûr'sər)

n.

1. The emptiness between each blink of a cursor on a computer.
2. The letter audible immediately before the bleep in censored dialog that is only there so you know what word is being said.

suf·fuse (sə-fyūz')

v.

1. To use a consubstantial narcotic.
2. To use some poor woman who doesn't know English very well to try and get signatures to end women's suffrage. Jimmy Kimmel is an ass.

un·van·quished (ŭn-vān'kwĭsht)

adj.

1. Never having lost to an Aston Martin Vanquish in a race: After twelve races, the Ferrari was still unvanquished.