500th Post!
And happy 4th anniversary, F.U. News!
Have some cake.
And in honor of the 4/500th postiversary, I present
Joe's Favorite 10h F.U. News Articles.
10. The Gallery of Windows in Our Lives.
F. More True Stories from College: The Queue.
E. A Geek Tragedy (with a happy ending).
D. What do Cockroachs and Hearing Loss Have in Common?
C. An Open Letter to All Hollywood Movie Studios.
B. Cross Sums.
A. The Adventures of Ion, Intergalactic Milk-Man.
9. I have Come to Soil Thine Toiletries.
8. Mess Hall Memories, Part I.
7. Planning Ahead FTW!
6. Dave Playing "Those Endearing Young Charms".
5. Movie Reviews: Lawrence of Arabia/Dr. Zhivago.
4. Kittens of the Serengeti.
3. Ask a Drill Instructor: Christian Formation.
2. Skymall.
1. Condo Shopper.
Runners-up and honorable mentions:
Most obscure: F.U. News in History: Antony Von Leeuwenhoek Discovers Bacteria, OCD.
Only on this list because Mr. Pickles said he thought it was funny, but hey, Joe will take any praise he can get: OSHA Office Model of Unsafe Workplace.
Funniest article based on a line from Sham Shpade/Biggest rip-off of The Onion: Before I Kill You, Allow Me to Give You a Tour of My Secret Base and Explain My Entire Evil Plot in Detail.
Second funniest computer game reference: Point/Counter-Point: Max Payne.
Funniest computer game reference: Worlds of Incredible Wonder Await Those Looking for Adventure, Provided They Can Turn on the Power.
When I'm famous and everyone in the world reads my blog, the guy from this article is going to feel so stupid for ticking me off: I'm So Sorry I Had the Audacity to Park Next to You.
Article that started the tradition of blogging about my business trips: I Need Naught but to Partake of Thine Magick Fire.
Article that inspired me to buy the "Support the Municipality" shirt: My Heart Is Heavy with the Guilt of My Sins.
Just Plain Nuts: Nature's Harmonic Simultaneous Time-Rhombicosidodecahedron.
Most True to Life: So Sorry, but You Can't Graduate Until You Take a Pointless Elective.
Article which was supposed to have a sequel to celebrate the release of Animaniacs on DVD, in which the same pictures would be used, but in the picture of the box opening, The Murloc was supposed to photoshop the Warners to make it look like they were jumping out of the package but she never did so my perfectly good idea went to waste: Package from City 17.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Monday, November 19, 2007
What Blogging Was Invented For
And now, in traditional F.U. News fashion, we bury the informative, educational, and otherwise entertaining content with a photo dump (preferably of cat pictures), random link, or YouTube video.
Celebrating 4 years of virtual non-contribution.
3-Digit Interstates
Hey, at least I put the cat pictures in a slideshow.
And now, in traditional F.U. News fashion, we bury the informative, educational, and otherwise entertaining content with a photo dump (preferably of cat pictures), random link, or YouTube video.
Celebrating 4 years of virtual non-contribution.
3-Digit Interstates
Hey, at least I put the cat pictures in a slideshow.
Your Daily Dose of Cul-chuh.
Lochinvar
By Sir Walter Scott
O young Lochinvar is come out of the west,
Through all the wide Border his steed was the best;
And save his good broadsword he weapons had none,
He rode all unarm'd, and he rode all alone.
So faithful in love, and so dauntless in war,
There never was knight like the young Lochinvar.
The thought process that lead to me remembering this:
Dancing->SPCB->Misty Copeland->Aaron Copland->That one time the DJ on KUSC read the poem about how he thought the Stallone movie "Cop Land" was about his favorite composer->That DJ always read a poem to announce the next piece, after the Writers' Almanac->Writers' Almanac, hosted by Garrison Keillor->That one time Mom gave me a homework assignment to listen to Writers' Almanac at 5:00pm, because she heard it at 8:00am and knew I'd like it->Garrison Keillor read "Lochinvar" that one time; Mom had assigned it because I had just recently read "Lochinvar" in my literature text book.
Why do I remember these obscure details? Why? Why?
Backstory on the poem. It was my literature reading assignment, which I was frustrated with because I didn't understand it. Mom had to take the time go through it with me and explain it. Reading it again after all these years, I think I appreciate it a lot more. Perhaps a larger vocabulary helps. Then again, I think my literature books helped my vocabulary.
Random fact: I think this poem was the first time I encountered the word "ere" meaning "before".
Lochinvar
By Sir Walter Scott
O young Lochinvar is come out of the west,
Through all the wide Border his steed was the best;
And save his good broadsword he weapons had none,
He rode all unarm'd, and he rode all alone.
So faithful in love, and so dauntless in war,
There never was knight like the young Lochinvar.
He staid not for brake, and he stopp'd not for stone,
He swam the Eske river where ford there was none;
But ere he alighted at Netherby gate,
The bride had consented, the gallant came late:
For a laggard in love, and a dastard in war,
Was to wed the fair Ellen of brave Lochinvar.
So boldly he enter'd the Netherby Hall,
Among bride's-men, and kinsmen, and brothers and all:
Then spoke the bride's father, his hand on his sword,
(For the poor craven bridegroom said never a word,)
"O come ye in peace here, or come ye in war,
Or to dance at our bridal, young Lord Lochinvar?"
"I long woo'd your daughter, my suit you denied; --
Love swells like the Solway, but ebbs like its tide --
And now I am come, with this lost love of mine,
To lead but one measure, drink one cup of wine.
There are maidens in Scotland more lovely by far,
That would gladly be bride to the young Lochinvar."
The bride kiss'd the goblet: the knight took it up,
He quaff'd off the wine, and he threw down the cup.
She look'd down to blush, and she look'd up to sigh,
With a smile on her lips and a tear in her eye.
He took her soft hand, ere her mother could bar, --
"Now tread we a measure!" said young Lochinvar.
So stately his form, and so lovely her face,
That never a hall such a gailiard did grace;
While her mother did fret, and her father did fume
And the bridegroom stood dangling his bonnet and plume;
And the bride-maidens whisper'd, "'twere better by far
To have match'd our fair cousin with young Lochinvar."
One touch to her hand, and one word in her ear,
When they reach'd the hall-door, and the charger stood near;
So light to the croupe the fair lady he swung,
So light to the saddle before her he sprung!
"She is won! we are gone, over bank, bush, and scaur;
They'll have fleet steeds that follow," quoth young Lochinvar.
There was mounting 'mong Graemes of the Netherby clan;
Forsters, Fenwicks, and Musgraves, they rode and they ran:
There was racing and chasing on Cannobie Lee,
But the lost bride of Netherby ne'er did they see.
So daring in love, and so dauntless in war,
Have ye e'er heard of gallant like young Lochinvar?
The thought process that lead to me remembering this:
Dancing->SPCB->Misty Copeland->Aaron Copland->That one time the DJ on KUSC read the poem about how he thought the Stallone movie "Cop Land" was about his favorite composer->That DJ always read a poem to announce the next piece, after the Writers' Almanac->Writers' Almanac, hosted by Garrison Keillor->That one time Mom gave me a homework assignment to listen to Writers' Almanac at 5:00pm, because she heard it at 8:00am and knew I'd like it->Garrison Keillor read "Lochinvar" that one time; Mom had assigned it because I had just recently read "Lochinvar" in my literature text book.
Why do I remember these obscure details? Why? Why?
Backstory on the poem. It was my literature reading assignment, which I was frustrated with because I didn't understand it. Mom had to take the time go through it with me and explain it. Reading it again after all these years, I think I appreciate it a lot more. Perhaps a larger vocabulary helps. Then again, I think my literature books helped my vocabulary.
Random fact: I think this poem was the first time I encountered the word "ere" meaning "before".
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Point/Counter-Point.
FU-News 4 years/500 posts.
November 20th marks F.U. News' 4th anniversary, and with more than 495 posts already, the coming 500th post marks another milestone. We asked two leading experts what they think.
Point: Four years is quite a near-accomplishment.
By Leeroy Jenkins.
Wow. Four years, huh. That's, like, twenty years in internet time. Seems pretty incredible that Joe's been able to stick with anything that long. I mean, that's longer than he's been married. That's as long as he was in college. That's as long as some presidential terms. Who'd have thought Joe would have had an attention span that long? I mean, I figured he'd just get bored and forget the whole thing after a year or so. But to come up with consistently mediocre ideas and half-baked articles for four years? That takes... what's the word? Not skill, no. No, not talent either. Um. Averageness?
Counter-point: Psh. Four years is nothing. Now 500 posts, that's almost something.
By Gordon Frohman.
Whoopdie-freaking-do. Four years. That means... what? The Earth has crossed the same point four times since he made his first post? Big deal. Now 500 posts, that's almost an accomplishment. Being able to pull 500 nearly-coherent thoughts from that empty skull of his is nothing short of incredible. I mean, that's like one thought for every mile in the Indy 500. Can you imagine a driver going around the track and every time he crosses the finish line, he makes a blog post? I didn't think so. Joe can. Because he's had 500 thoughts in his life time. Now that's just shy of impressive.
Rebuttal:
LJ: Yay. 500 posts. Who freaking cares. It's only significant in base ten. No one cares about 1F4h posts, now, do they? And he's only done what, half of them? Three quarters at best. And the last couple hundred have been nothing but pictures of his cats and links to sites BBspot linked to first. Wow. Such originality. You'll pardon me if I don't swoon with excitement. Now four years. That's quite the, um, quite the thing.
Counter-rebuttal:
GF: Go soak your head. No one cares how long he's been doing it. All that matters is that the number is BIG and ROUND. Four is neither. And who uses base sixteen anyways?
At this point, the debate degenerated into a cartoon-style swirling ball of limbs.
FU-News 4 years/500 posts.
November 20th marks F.U. News' 4th anniversary, and with more than 495 posts already, the coming 500th post marks another milestone. We asked two leading experts what they think.
Point: Four years is quite a near-accomplishment.
By Leeroy Jenkins.
Wow. Four years, huh. That's, like, twenty years in internet time. Seems pretty incredible that Joe's been able to stick with anything that long. I mean, that's longer than he's been married. That's as long as he was in college. That's as long as some presidential terms. Who'd have thought Joe would have had an attention span that long? I mean, I figured he'd just get bored and forget the whole thing after a year or so. But to come up with consistently mediocre ideas and half-baked articles for four years? That takes... what's the word? Not skill, no. No, not talent either. Um. Averageness?
Counter-point: Psh. Four years is nothing. Now 500 posts, that's almost something.
By Gordon Frohman.
Whoopdie-freaking-do. Four years. That means... what? The Earth has crossed the same point four times since he made his first post? Big deal. Now 500 posts, that's almost an accomplishment. Being able to pull 500 nearly-coherent thoughts from that empty skull of his is nothing short of incredible. I mean, that's like one thought for every mile in the Indy 500. Can you imagine a driver going around the track and every time he crosses the finish line, he makes a blog post? I didn't think so. Joe can. Because he's had 500 thoughts in his life time. Now that's just shy of impressive.
Rebuttal:
LJ: Yay. 500 posts. Who freaking cares. It's only significant in base ten. No one cares about 1F4h posts, now, do they? And he's only done what, half of them? Three quarters at best. And the last couple hundred have been nothing but pictures of his cats and links to sites BBspot linked to first. Wow. Such originality. You'll pardon me if I don't swoon with excitement. Now four years. That's quite the, um, quite the thing.
Counter-rebuttal:
GF: Go soak your head. No one cares how long he's been doing it. All that matters is that the number is BIG and ROUND. Four is neither. And who uses base sixteen anyways?
At this point, the debate degenerated into a cartoon-style swirling ball of limbs.
Friday, November 9, 2007
True Tales from Customer Support.
The Murloc writes
LOL! directly from one of our customers that a rep on my team just helped: (first off, they needed to call tech, but they called us instead... L2R)
Customer: "It's asking for disk 2 and I hit ok, and it doesnt like it."
Rep: "did you put in disk 2?"
Customer: "no, should I?"
Here are some emails we have received from customers (obviously translated through Babelfish, quite badly at that):
"The answer is the correct password, and my electronic fuel tanks fail to receive your letter"
"My numbered account throws to lose because my PC suffered the attack of the wood horse procedure,"
There are definitely bright moments to this job.
The Murloc writes
LOL! directly from one of our customers that a rep on my team just helped: (first off, they needed to call tech, but they called us instead... L2R)
Customer: "It's asking for disk 2 and I hit ok, and it doesnt like it."
Rep: "did you put in disk 2?"
Customer: "no, should I?"
Here are some emails we have received from customers (obviously translated through Babelfish, quite badly at that):
"The answer is the correct password, and my electronic fuel tanks fail to receive your letter"
"My numbered account throws to lose because my PC suffered the attack of the wood horse procedure,"
There are definitely bright moments to this job.
Portal: The Flash Version.
For those of you who don't have Valve's Orange Box, you can experience all the thrills and puzzle solving of Portal with none of the good graphics and GLaDOS humor!
Link.
For those of you who don't have Valve's Orange Box, you can experience all the thrills and puzzle solving of Portal with none of the good graphics and GLaDOS humor!
Link.
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