Study: Diet, Exercise Provide No Long-Term Health Benefits

A new study, to be published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, has concluded that diet and exercise have no long-term contribution to health.

The study, conducted over 100 years by several different international organizations, examined the lives of more than 5380 people across the globe. The final conclusion was arrived at after noting that no matter what foods people ate or what activities, if any, they partake in, they all sooner or later end up dead.

Dr. Herman Zwellville of the American Medical Research Institute stated that, "the results were quite fascinating and unexpected. Many of us started out thinking that by eating right and keeping physically fit, that would help people stay healthy. But in the end, everybody who participated in this study died, regardless of their diet or exercise regimens."

At the 70 year mark of the study, some of the researchers believed that their suspicions had been confirmed. Stated Zwellville, "after that amount of time, the vast majority of those who were already dead were from the group that had what is generally considered to be a poor diet, and little to know exercise. We began to believe that yes, in fact we were right and a proper diet and exercise would keep one healthy. But this was quickly overturned, as within the next 30 years each and every one of the 'healthy' people died as well."

The study, which spanned several research generations and had no fewer than 6 head researchers, has serious implications for many health industries. "For years, people have been going to gyms, buying foods that are low in fat, and going on fad diets in the hopes of having some effect on their health," said Dr. Irwin Skagerberg, a health and fitness expert with Harvard Medical School. "This throws everything upside down. The idea that I can eat whatever I want and sit around all day, and in the end I will end up just as dead as the guy who runs 5 miles a day and eats nothing but bran muffins and rice cakes is simply out of this world."