Loud, Shrill Shriek Disrupts Southland.
Area woman causes traffic accidents, work stoppages, heart failures with ear-piercing noise.

El Segundo, CA - At precisely 1:04 pm PDT today, a loud, high-pitched squeal was heard by residents of Southern California. The noise, which could be heard as far away as Victorville and Santa Barbara, is being blamed for numerous disruptions, including traffic accidents, work stoppages, and 3 deaths. Additionally, initial damage estimates for cracked and shattered windows range between $900,000 and $3 million.

Several southland freeways experienced traffic congestion caused by accidents, as motorists slammed on their brakes when they heard the cry. Said one commuter from West Covina, "I heard this shrill screech and thought it might be my brakes failing. I slowed down to pull off the freeway, and was hit by the person behind me, who thought the noise was coming from his radio and was adjusting the volume."

Additionally, some hospitals are reporting a spike in the number of heart attacks treated. At least three people have died, including a 76-year-old man who grew up in London during the Blitz and thought the shriek was an air-raid siren. Witnesses reported that he started yelling that the Krauts were attacking, before keeling over. He was pronounced dead by paramedics on the scene.

Initial investigations have traced the screech to Anne Marie Belland, an Exectuve Assistant at the Raytheon facility in El Segundo. According to witnesses, a deafening screech was heard from her cubicle shortly before she emerged, screaming "I got the job! I got the job! Blizzard wants me!" She then ran out of the building and has not been seen since. Police have been dispatched to locate her, although no formal charges have been brought against her. Said ESPD Police Chief Jim Bravura, "we do not know Mrs. Belland's current whereabouts, but believe she may be heading to Big Bear, or some other colder climate, in search of this 'Blizzard' that she seems to believe has called to her. We are working closely with psychiatrists to try and guess what her next move will be."

The police chief also stated that Mrs. Belland would most likely not face criminal charges, since according to all witnesses she fled in a state of total mental hysteria and was not rational.