Supreme Court Denies Death Penalty for Minors Aged 40 Weeks to 18 Years

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Last week, in a 5-4 decision, the United States Supreme Court decided that the death penalty was unconstitutional for children of approximately 40 weeks of age until their 18th birthday.

Citing international consensus, the majority opinion stated that the death penalty as applied to minors aged 40 weeks to 18 years violated the 8th Amendment's prohibition of "cruel and unusual" punishments. The opinion goes on to state that "the overwhelming weight of international opinion requires that the US forbid the death penalty to minors aged 40 weeks to 18 years, since we want to be exactly like other countries. We recognize that the normal method of amending the Constitution from its original meaning would be to get a 2/3rds majority of Congress, and 3/4ths of the state legislatures to approve a change, but that takes too long. Instead, we are just stating that the new meaning of the 8th Amendment prohibits the death penalty to minors aged 40 weeks to 18 years, to bring the US in line with Europe."

15 years ago, the Supreme Court upheld the death penalty for minors below 40 weeks and above 16 years. The Supreme Courts latest decision does not expressly reverse their previous opinion, but just recognizes that "the constitution, as a living, breathing document (read: means whatever the hell we want it to) has changed in the last 15 years to become more European."

In other news, Florida Circuit Court Judge George Greer has allowed the death penalty for middle-aged women with brain damage who have not been convicted by any jury.